True that. Here is an excellent thread to try and help you with those triggers that will happen.

Managing Memories and Dealing with Triggers

ok, i have created my list of questions, with 36 hours for me to mull them over before printing them. he is having his own appt with the MC wednesday. i am going to give them to him in an envelope to open in her office, not to be discussed with me until we are together in her office the following week. i want the discussion to be there, not in our home, so we can leave it there forever. but i am afraid of the week in between. maybe i should change the appt to sooner?

going to see her is very stressful for me. i am crying as i write this (composing the Qs was horrible) and must do something about myself before i go inside (i'm on the patio) to prepare dinner. ugh, i do NOT feel like eating; i feel like vomiting! but things are going well, and i don't want to prevent myself from meeting ENs.

i don't think i mentioned that on sunday when we were having breakfast he surprised me with a lovely mother's day gift and card. the card was so sweet i cried a bit. it was a wonderful day. his coming clean w/our DD also helped a lot.

I would up your apt so you can get this over sooner. You've been waiting long enough.

Look at the pain it's causing you. (((Letty))) enjoy the new man he is today and not the man he used to be.

Letty, I agree with BH. It would be good to reschedule an earlier appointment. You don't want the grief impacting on your recovery or effecting your UA with your husband. I'm here if you need me.

I agree as well! It's just prolonged stress and suffering to wait needlessly.

And believe me...I understand!

As for the triggers, it's true that nothing prevents them from ever popping up, unfortunately, but they do lessen with time. It is important that you allow your H to help you through them, but also important to note that you still don't bring up the A with him when you do trigger. This has been something discussed on my thread in Recovery; something I was surprised about, actually. It can get a bit tricky.

Glad you had a wonderful weekend and Mother's Day!!!

had another topsy-turvy day today. wrote letter to H, using joseph's puzzle analogy, added my Qs, then sent him off to MC with it. have spent 3 days on letter...gut wrenching. was on tenterhooks all day, and it didn't help when MC phoned my mobile instead of his by mistake. ahh!

but when he came home, he hugged me and kissed me and told me he would tell me everything i wanted to know. we are doing it in her office, and leaving it there. so...more gut wrenching to come, but i'm not quite so scared anymore. this could be the beginning...

wish me luck :O)

Good luck.

Is it tonight?

Good Luck Letty, I'll be thinking of you.

no, not till monday; she's away the rest of the week (it's thursday here now, btw). just as well - on a monday, i'll have a busy week to push any bad thoughts away, whereas on a friday i'd have the whole weekend to only push them towards H. i've just finished reading "managing memories" (thanks bh!), and that will help.

thanks y'all.

glurg, major anxiety dream last night. i came in and H was emailing...from a new account w/a fake name. i became enraged and threw him out, then devastated, because that meant straight to plan d, do not pass go, do not collect $200. i just couldn't believe that our M meant so little to him that he would risk it all doing nothing really bad (via the account, which i ransacked), but being deceptive.

so...that was the dream. i am so glad to be awake now! i feel sure that it is because of the looming appt. aamof, for the first time, i feel like there is hope. for the last 6 years, in the back of my mind has always been the stray thought, "if you can't get past this, you're going to have to get a divorce. you can't live like this." now i feel like a heavy, wet cloth has been removed from my face and i can breathe again. so i was less than thrilled with the dreaming!

i was thinking this morning that my story is a good lesson for BSs who think they can plan a for longer than 3 weeks. i did it for 6 months, and it about killed me (i did not know of MB then, new readers!); i was a real basket case. it also meant that there was no plan b, and consequently, no real recovery. as in Qs thread, the whole "H says it's over, and i have to learn to trust him again" is total bull pucky. it does nothing to address the BSs pain and anguish and fear, or address EPs to affair-proof the M for the future.

another sunny but freezing cold day here in the bay!

Six months of Plan A. I dont know how anyone can do that.

I have a pretty short fuse and two weeks of Plan A, I was ready to knock him down and sock OW in the face.

A month into Plan B I was still crying pretty hard. But healing.

Now Im sooo sooo happy.

Its frustating when you cant describe the benefits of Plan B to people. Its like describing the effect of music, the necessity and delight of food, the feeling of breathing oxygen.

Its just good stuff.

I plan A'd for a long time to...but there was a big difference: I didn't know about his affair - not really - during that time period. I got the ILYBNILWY speech but could not find any proof of an A for a long time. I didn't know MB then either...but was basically in plan A for 6 months before discovering proof of the A. Don't think I could've done it had I known all that time!

Letty - sorry for the bad dream. I'm glad you are going to get your questions answered and that H is cooperative!

Plan A'd here for a long time here as well, discovered affair, 6months later found MB, then plan A (along with denial, many well earned 2 x 4's, foot dragging etc) for another 6 months. Plan B now......what took me so long to get here? I was probably the most fogged out BW ever.

thank you everyone. i've felt weird and out of sorts today; must be the dreams combined with the upcoming appt that has me all wonky. see dr again tuesday. need some anti-anxiety meds and maybe a change up on the ADs.

am greatly looking forward to some lovely UA time this weekend. have been sick for over a week now, which has really cut down on affection/SF, as we tend to pass illnesses back & forth, and with my CI, i can't afford to be ill all term/winter, and neither can he! but it sucks only being able to hold hands. i like kissing! :O) (and not on my forehead! - whoops, that sounds dirty but i didn't mean it that way!)

back to plan a-ing.

when i went through my 6 months of he!!, i had no idea i was plan a-ing, but i was. trying to be the perfect wife all the while he was missing OW. massive sucky. i can't believe i lived through it, to be perfectly honest. i suffered greatly, both personally and professionally. if only i had known about MB then; we would have been heaps better off if i had gone straight to PB.

newer posters, PB is your best remedy! we know it seems hard, and sometimes an insurmountable task, but it is the cure for what ails you. and nothing, nothing is worse than putting up with a WS in the misplaced hope that he will magically remember you are stunning and OP is trash.

tomorrow is the big day. argh. yesterday i was sick to my stomach most of the day, and i could feel myself (inside, not showing it) getting all clingy and emotional - you know, that desperate BS feeling. so i put on my big girl pants and behaved like i knew exactly who i am and what i want. made me feel better.

today is going to be a good lead-in. we did all our chores yesterday so today could be all UA. we have just finished 1.5 hours of yardwork (DS), and are now getting cleaned up and ready to go bowling, then ice cream & walk along the beach. then, hopefully, SF! i'm finally feeling better and able to breathe (from illness, not head space). i've got a nice roast dinner to go in the oven when we leave. i couldn't ask for a better "before" day.

wish me luck for tomorrow!

Enjoy your day and good luck tomorrow. You can do this you have faced so many challenges in your life, you have the strength to do this. Remember it will be painful hearing, but this was in the past and hubby is now remorseful and his current actions show he is willing to make your marriage work.

Stay strong my friend, I will be thinking of you.

Letty, I am proud of you for being willing to go through this rather than trying to go around it! It may hurt - but know that trying to go around it does not lead to success. BUT...once you're through it, you're through: no going backwards.

(((((((LETTY))))))))

Happy it's such a great day for you! Good luck tomorrow:) Happy too that you are in recovery, that your hubby actually loves you and is willing to do the hard work to keep your marriage together.

thank you all for your supporting words. i'm getting ready for the appt now. came home and took an extra 1/2 anti-anxiety tab. H and i have changed dinner plans from homecooked meal to dinner out alone to reconnect afterwards. am scared to death, but know i must face my inner demons if i am to ever have peace and be able to rebuild with H. hoo-boy. ok, here i go!