Barbie, I knew someone would eventually question the truth of what I wrote because its so insaine. I don't blame you. It seems like the truly crazy $h!t only happens to me.

I mean seriously, what kind of crazy man leads his wife to the evidence, right?
He saw the laundary on the floor, and probably thinking I had already saw the undies, he did damage control. I have only a few words to explain the craziness of this situation...

The Tell-Tale Heart

This is the title that came into my head a couple days after. Just as the killer heard the heartbeat from under the floor boards, the PIG man sensed his underwear calling to him from beneath the laundary pile. That isn't where they were, I had already unknowingly put them into the wash already.

Take one look at my aged face and you will see the pain.

Its almost unbelievable but its a true reality for me and it hurts more then anything I've ever experienced.

I'll send the underwear out to humor him since he's being a jerk and saying I haven't found someone quick enough. Also, a polygraph should be arranged. However, isn't it true that a sociopath can pass it because they have no conscience?

Here is a quick picture of my once happy family. Looking at the picture, Pig man is on the far left. I'm in the middle with my new baby girl and my lovely and loving sons are around me. I am going to temporary put this link here so you can see this. I'm not a post in a thread, this is me this is my whole life, since I was 16 years old and I'm now pushing 35. This is my world.

***EDIT***

Here is the link, please step inside. This was taken with Pig mans boss's iphone when he came to visit the baby.
Here is a picture of me on Sunday. I spent the whole day in the sunshine because the warmth on my skin, the flowers, and my babies are what brought me comfort. I was sitting by the wildflowers holding my daughter and thought, "I don't feel like smiling, but I'm taking this picture to remember how I feel right now. I'm broken hearted, but in the midst of this, life goes on around me" Pig man will NOT have every aspect of my life, he will not defeat me, this could put me in the looney bin or it can raise me up and I can use it as a catalyst to do great things!...and then leave his [censored].

***EDIT***

If you want to save your marriage, you are in the best place to arm yourself with knowledge and systems that turn upside down marriages into those that neither could have ever imagined.
Either way you will grow from this experience. Your children will be proud to have you as their mom.

pursue the poly as a matter of "you're not going to pull one over on me" or "when I'm wronged I stand up for myself" or "here's what happens when I think you're messing with our life" -- it's a statement of what you will or will not tolerate and an example of possible consequences. don't worry if he can/will "beat" it. It won't be a pleasant experience.

I know you're angry and have a right to be, but watch how you refer to him. your perceptions can change with your words. He's still your husband.

opt

18 - what is your plan? Are you snooping? Are you plan A'ing him? Are you setting up a polygraph?

Get a plan in order and then you will feel more in control.

Hugs to you! And you have a beautiful family!

You are all beautiful (including pig man).....especially you and the kids though.

edit out the photos though to maintain a bit more cyber anonymity.

Definitely study and do plan A as you walk the journey of dealing with this all and preparing for whatever you need to do onward.

Put the undies in a safe place so WH can't find them. Very sweetly let him know that you aren't going to use the money to have them tested until you have OW's DNA to compare it to.

Of course the chances of finding DNA at this point are astronomical, but in his panic following that announcement, you're very likely to get the info you need by snooping. Have everything set up (VAR's, etc.), because his first reaction is going to be to immediately run and warn her. And so you find her.

Once you have the goods and are ready to proceed with exposure, be sure to include his boss. They need to know that WH is using company resources to carry on his adultery.

I've been a zombie/recluse since last Monday night. Its going to be hard to get going on a plan. This is still all sinking in and I'm dealing with the initial pain right now. Talking here helps and yes, I'm hoping to do some snooping. GPS that I could track from my computer would be ideal.
Finding down time from the kids constant needs is hard. I have a two year old tugging at me now and I just sat down after cleaning a nasty mess from my daughter. She was in her bouncer jumping around and went to the bathroom at the same time and well you get the picture.

18 years, I have thought many times how much more difficult going through the recovery would have been when I had little ones (not that they are old, youngest is 5 but not the same as a baby/toddler). It was so hard back then to get any kind of time, to even shower much less investing in snooping/UA/recovery time.

Is there anyone close that can help you through this? A girlfriend, sister, someone you can have help you with kids while you organize and implement snooping methods for now? I think it would be very valuable for you to get support like this.

I just read through plan A. My h is at a job and has taken my oldest son with him so I know that he is really where he says he is.
Plan A really speaks to me. It has truth in it. Right after I saw the "evidence" my mind went into auto pilot. Automatically,my wrongs in this marriage popped up and I thought, "no wonder he cheated". I know that there is no excuse, but it made me take an inventory of the things that I've said, done, or not done that caused him to feel pushed away and isolated.
Should I apologize for those things?

I mean this is 18 years of marriage and 5 kids. I am hurt but I don't want a divorce. I want a future.

Part of plan A has already been carried out, without knowing of course. I outed him to my sisters and Brother in laws. My one sister and brother in law are really cold. They are driven to make money and have no warmth. My other sister and her new husband have talked to me about this and are supporting. It felt good to have told someone.

I was closer with his mom and sister then most daughter in laws but have stopped seeing them in the past week all together. I just cannot stomach being with his family and pretending everything is ok. They just won't understand, trust me. Our pastor and his wife know and my husband told his boss about the underwear, although he is still claiming it isn't lipstick.

Not one. I've literally been isolated except for my husbands family. My mother is the only one I had in this state and she has suffered 5 strokes over the past 20 years and the stroke from last March and then a smaller stroke this past February have left her at a rehab place which they cannot decide what to do with her. Another stressful situation in itself.

The pastor of our church and his wife have NOT been supportive at all, no phone call no caring even through 2 emails that I sent.
So the bottom line to your question is No, no support.

I've gone it alone for 18 years with one friend (for about 2 years) but ironically she had an affair on her husband, became a crack head and I have not seen her in years. That was my only friend in all this time though.

I'm in the Northeast and my supportive sister is in Florida. Thats it, thats all I have. No money for baby sitters. Also, I am still completely breastfeeding my daughter. She is only 7 months.

Our stories and lifestyles seem to model rather closely. Hugs for you. My only supportive family is in New York (my sister). I too have felt very isolated. Dealing with this with small ones is devastating. I remember trying to hold it together and having a brief moment alone and just loosing it. I have never cried so hard in my life. I to have 5 kiddos. I too put all I had into my kids because it just wasn't there with my wh. This was a detrimental mistake.

I will continue to follow your thread as I feel we can probably learn from each other. I to am very fresh to this but will offer hugs and support where needed.

Wow. Humanly speaking, it sounds like you're very alone.

God is always with you, and there are literally hundreds of us on here, praying for you and pulling for you. You're going to make it through this.

18, I was lucky enough to have very supportive family just minutes away during this tough time.

But this board was still my best support because people had been through it. My family were just as stunned and amazed as I was.

Get that sis of yours on the phone and have a good old chat for half an hour. For the rest, come to us.

You are not alone here.
This place helped me so much, they keep you sane and give you strength when you need it.
They are a listening ear with logical and honest advice and experience.
Sadly none of us wanted to be here but it is a family you can count on.
(hugs)
Jessi

Homefor5, it is comforting to know that you can relate. It stinks that we both have to be here. In some strange way, it comforts me to know you are going through the same thing. Yes, my only caring person on planet Earth is my sister in Florida. She got out of a marriage about 2 years ago in which her husband did not want to be exclusive to. She is now remarried as of about a month ago and having a new go at life while pushing 50!! Go sis! I'm proud of her and she is an inspiration. However, because she is starting over, she is broke, she lost her phone service, darnit and now I cannot talk to her. I can email, but she doesn't seem to be as into email as I would hope.

Thank you all for the prayers. God and I aren't on speaking terms right now, but maybe he'll listen to you.

I'm in plan A and doing ok.

As of last night I offered him in a sweet voice the way plan A says too, forgiveness if he apologizes. I actually word for word copied plan A's words for offering the possibility of forgiveness.

Again...he has done no wrong so he doesn't need it.

Today I make home a nice place to be. This requires a little tidying up. I am going to put up some curtains in our living room, make a chicken dinner, and possibly, if I have it in me, get his tea kettle boiling by the time he comes home. I cannot fake happiness, but I can offer gestures. After all, making home a nice place to be is part of plan A, right?

It seems like plan A is all I have right now, also snooping through his phone and writing down the numbers so that I can find out to whom they belong. I can reverse search, but do any of you have any better ideas? A lot of sites charge money for this. Also, some are cell numbers. Please, any advice is appreciated. I hate to say it, if he's up to no good on his phone, he'll probably delete them anyway.

Here goes another day. I truly believe that each day, especially with my children, is a gift and I need to try to make the best out of my day even through this horrible stuff. Please help me. You are my family.

When all this went down and I was left with a phone bill full of numbers I didn't know I actually spent the few bucks and purchased a subscription to spokeo. They don't offer a ton of info but I did get names which was helpful. This even works for mobile numbers. From there I was able to search these people on Facebook and myspace by location. If no info showed I also just began randomly texting numbers. You'd be amazed what the OW will disclose if contact has been cut off. Not sure if this was the "proper" way of doing things but it got the job done for me.

I'm sure some more seasoned people to this site will be able to offer more info but this is just what I used.

What about Skyping with your sis? Some people dont like to write ...

If shes done this herself - you need her!

I do need her but she hasn't done marriage builders. She was there for almost 20 years but this guy that she was married to just didn't want to be exclusive. He wanted the OW and my sister. She had enough and just left. It was much easier for her then me. She has a job, her only son is 20, in other words, there were no strings to tie her down.

The situation I'm in is that if I leave, my WH will get the kids because I'm just a SAHM. I have no job and the judge will look at that and see that the father can provide a more stable environment. This leaves me on the street with no one, probably doing things I would never imagine just to survive. I'm scared. WH seems better then that.

I'm sorry for what you are going through. I have been snooping on my H's phone and one way to double check numbers after you find them on the phone record is to dial them into his phone and see if they pop up as a contact (just don't connect the call). Perhaps he doesn't save them as contacts, but you can start to memorize the "harmless" numbers off the phone records. I go online each day and see who he texts and calls from his phone. If it isn't a family member, then I sneak his phone and enter them in and see who he is texting with. I hope that helps a little.

It has also helped that we no longer text with persons of the opposite sex other than family anymore.

Hang in there!
TinT

Where do you live? Most courts side with a SAHM and can award CS and alimony.