I did some revisions, let me know what you think.
Also, I took the EN questionnaire, and my BH said he will also take it. And in about 10 days the SAA, LB, and HNHN books should have arrived.


I first want to start out this letter by apologizing for how deeply I hurt you while you were deployed. The distance from you is no excuse for me cheating on you. There is nothing I can do to make the pain I caused go away, but I will do anything and everything to try and ease that pain. I never want you to take blame or to think this was at all your fault. I acted selfishly and broke my vow to you. My actions did the exact opposite of showing my love and affection for you, and I'm ready to make that change. I want you to know that I am 100% committed and dedicated to saving our marriage, and becoming happier together than we've ever been. I know it's gonna take a lot, and I am more than willing to put in the effort.

In order to ensure that this never happens again, I have made a list of extraordinary precautions for us to follow. I'm open to anything you would like to add to or change.
- I will make you my number one priority, and never put anything before you or our marriage.
- I will wholeheartedly meet your emotional needs.
- I will always have your best interest and that of our marriage in mind with every decision I make.
- I will give you a schedule of my daily/weekly activities and plans, and be open to any revisions or objections you may have.
- I will use the Policy of Joint Agreement before making plans or activities.
- I will always be open and honest with you about my thoughts, feelings, and actions.
- I will give you 100% access to all email accounts, FB, text messages, phone calls, etc.
- I will never allow myself to be alone with someone of the opposite sex, for whatever reason.
- I will not have friendships with anyone of the opposite sex.
- I will not engage in conversation with someone of the opposite sex about personal issues, especially our marriage.
- I will not attend clubs/bars/parties where alcohol and/or men will be present, unless you there with me.

I'm waiting for him to finish the EN questionnaire first, then I was planning on giving this to him. Should I wait for SAA to arrive and start going through that first?

I hand-wrote and gave my BH the letter tonight. We had a great heartfelt talk, and he was very appreciative of it.

As for his EN, I'm not too sure. I know definitely SF. I would probably also say DS and possibly admiration. He used to care a lot about RC, but now it doesn't seem that way anymore. I think affection would be a big one for him as well.

I don't really know what EN it falls under. But he LOVES when I cook for him, and surprise him with food when he gets home from work. ANd when the house gets really messy he sometimes complains nicely about it.

Well he works overnight, so this morning I had breakfast ready for him. And I always cook dinner when I get home from work.
SF has never been too much of a problem area for us, but I'm working on increasing how often I initiate.
And since he came home from deployment, he doesn't go out of the house, even with other friends like he used to. So I'm not too sure..

Since he's been back (which was mid January), we haven't done much of anything outside the house.. We used to watch tv together, and occasionally we go out to dinner. I brought that up to him tonight, and he said the reason is because he wanted alone time with me. But now that we live together, he doesn't feel the need to go out anymore and do stuff.

I'd say we only spend less than 5 hours a week together, if even that. I mean, we're always home together, but we both do our own thing. And every now and then we'll come together and cuddle or talk for a bit, but then go back to our own thing.

I don't think we've tried to find something that we both enjoy doing, together. But I asked if later today we could schedule UA with each other, and he said okay. RC is one of my top 5 EN, and I'm always trying to get him to go and do things with me. We just need to figure out what those things can be together.
Also, I've noticed that by me meeting his needs and especially after giving him the letter, he's been more affectionate and loving towards me. I can tell he's putting an effort.

He also took the EN questionnaire, and it was completely not what I expected. His number 1 was DS, 2 was H&O, and 3 was SF. All the others were a tie for last place.

There are some things we've established that I do that make him happy, but we're not sure what EN they fall under. Maybe you can help. He loves when I do things that take care of him, such as cutting his fingernails, shaving his head, making sure he's up on time for work, etc. We put it under DS, which is why it's his number 1, but we weren't sure.

Affection is the expression of care. It symbolizes security, protection, comfort and approval -- vital ingredients in any relationship. When one spouse is affectionate toward the other, the following messages are sent:

1. You are important to me. I will care for you and protect you.

2. I'm concerned about the problems you face and will be there for you when you need me.

A simple hug can say those things. And there are many other ways to show our affection: A greeting card or an "I love you" note; a bouquet of flowers; holding hands; walks after dinner; back rubs; phone calls; and conversations with thoughtful and loving expressions. All of these can effectively communicate affection.

Affection is, for many, the essential cement of a relationship. Without it, many feel totally alienated. With it, they become emotionally bonded. If you feel terrific when your spouse is affectionate, and you feel terrible when there is not enough of it, you have the emotional need for affection.

I guess it could fall under that. In the questionnaire though, he said I'm too affectionate. As in like kissing, being cuddly, etc.

Should right now just be me focusing on his EN? It's hard not to let my Taker overrule, especially when my needs aren't being met..