|
|
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 452
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 452 |
BS (me) 46
STBX WH 53
Married 2000
DS, 11; DS, 10
1st A: LT D-Day - 02/14/06
2nd A: D-Day - 12/21/11
Plan B since 1/17/12
Divorcing
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
"WH,
All communication regarding the children and finances should go through IM. The drop offs and pick ups of the kids can continue as usual.
Estrela"
Unless "as usual" involves contact, then be brief and be done. Do not see him in person. An email is fine. Then block him. Moving on...
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
I asked a question that you already answered in your response to Scotland.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 452
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 452 |
BS (me) 46
STBX WH 53
Married 2000
DS, 11; DS, 10
1st A: LT D-Day - 02/14/06
2nd A: D-Day - 12/21/11
Plan B since 1/17/12
Divorcing
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240 |
"WH,
All communication regarding the children and finances should go through IM. The drop offs and pick ups of the kids can continue as usual.
Estrela"
Unless "as usual" involves contact, then be brief and be done. Do not see him in person. An email is fine. Then block him. Moving on... Very good wording here. I think you should do this, ASAP.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
Have you gone into Plan B, estrela?
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 452
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 452 |
Ok, now I am back to Plan B.
[Could not post before I could state this, even if I was feeling really crappy. I know you guys are too busy to waste time with procrastinators...]
Anyway, I could not send the e-mail (really couldn't) to WH, so today when he drop off the kids, I told him about it. I know, bad idea to do it in person, and I am paying the price for it.
He said he does not think this is the best way to solve our problems, that we need to be talking about stuff. I said this is what I want. He said he would do it then.
I am feeling better now, but was so miserable for days before and right after the conversation. Lots of crying and bad thoughts.
I mean, I still do have strong feelings for him. But he hasn't done anything to show me he could change his ways and not hurt me again.
The only thing he says is "I will do whatever you want" but then he does not do anything. He did not sent NC letter to OW, did not make NC plan, did not read any of the 3 MB books I gave him, did not apologize to the kids and families.
These are just few things I suggested to him. He told me he would do everything I want once I agree to get back together. He says it is my choice which way to go.
I know I already posted this stuff here, but things keep circling in my mind, and I am wondering if I am going mad not to give this poor guy another chance, or if my instincts are right on spot and I should stay away from this charming and seemingly innocent man who is so dangerous to my well being.
Anyway, enough with WH (but any comments on any of the above are very very welcome)
I am going to do my nails tomorrow and I promise I will put the most outrageous color I can handle. Some green or even blue! (which is huge for me)
Thank you MBers, thanks Scotty, Indie, BR, BH and all others. I read and re-read your advice so many many times this week, and each time I found something new, which gave me the strenght I needed to go back to Plan B.
BS (me) 46
STBX WH 53
Married 2000
DS, 11; DS, 10
1st A: LT D-Day - 02/14/06
2nd A: D-Day - 12/21/11
Plan B since 1/17/12
Divorcing
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240 |
I am going to do my nails tomorrow and I promise I will put the most outrageous color I can handle. Some green or even blue! (which is huge for me) YAY. I KNOW how huge this is for you. WOOOOHOOOO. I am glad that you are in the safety of PB, but not glad that the reason was because your wayward wouldn't get on board. You didn't want to put yourself through another FR, and if he wasn't willing to do any of the most basic things, then he wasn't ready. And to lay it all at your feet was cruel. It was your choice, and you chose correctly. All in, or all out.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 452
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 452 |
Thanks, Scotty, really!!!
BS (me) 46
STBX WH 53
Married 2000
DS, 11; DS, 10
1st A: LT D-Day - 02/14/06
2nd A: D-Day - 12/21/11
Plan B since 1/17/12
Divorcing
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179 |
What you did was simply accept his choice not to get on board the Recovery Train. It pulled out of the station without him for now, but he can always check the schedule for upcoming routes. And get a ticket from the ticketmaster (the IM).
When he's ready, you'll know.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,447
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,447 |
Hi Estrela, I've been reading your thread (still lots to go) after you posted on mine. I know its been tough for you, its not easy for any of us. I am glad you've gone into Plan B, its time to focus on you and your healing. We all need to remove ourselves from the drama for our piece of mind. It seems like you have many great MBers on board, listen to their advice they have walked in our shoes and have helped many before us.
Stay strong and enjoy the blue/green nails ... its great to go for something different!
Me 46yrs
WH 46yrs "Isildur"
Married: 22yrs 8mths
DS 9yrs;DD 19yrs;DS 21yrs
Bomb drop:marriage not working don't know if ILY 12.11.11
DD:26.11.11
WH moves to OW house 28.11.11
Formal MB Plan A 14.4.12
Plan B 27.4.12
D:20.7.14
"There are moments in life that make us & set the course of who we become. Sometimes they're little & subtle,sometimes they're big & we never saw them coming. No one asks for their life to change, but it does. It's what we do afterwards that counts & we find out who we are."
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
Ok, now I am back to Plan B.
[Could not post before I could state this, even if I was feeling really crappy. I know you guys are too busy to waste time with procrastinators...]
Anyway, I could not send the e-mail (really couldn't) to WH, so today when he drop off the kids, I told him about it. I know, bad idea to do it in person, and I am paying the price for it.
He said he does not think this is the best way to solve our problems, that we need to be talking about stuff. I said this is what I want. He said he would do it then.
I am feeling better now, but was so miserable for days before and right after the conversation. Lots of crying and bad thoughts.
I mean, I still do have strong feelings for him. But he hasn't done anything to show me he could change his ways and not hurt me again.
The only thing he says is "I will do whatever you want" but then he does not do anything. He did not sent NC letter to OW, did not make NC plan, did not read any of the 3 MB books I gave him, did not apologize to the kids and families.
These are just few things I suggested to him. He told me he would do everything I want once I agree to get back together. He says it is my choice which way to go.
I know I already posted this stuff here, but things keep circling in my mind, and I am wondering if I am going mad not to give this poor guy another chance, or if my instincts are right on spot and I should stay away from this charming and seemingly innocent man who is so dangerous to my well being.
Anyway, enough with WH (but any comments on any of the above are very very welcome)
I am going to do my nails tomorrow and I promise I will put the most outrageous color I can handle. Some green or even blue! (which is huge for me)
Thank you MBers, thanks Scotty, Indie, BR, BH and all others. I read and re-read your advice so many many times this week, and each time I found something new, which gave me the strenght I needed to go back to Plan B. Estrela, I've been following your thread and I keep getting the feeling that you aren't really committed to Plan B. If you can't commit to Plan B, your WH will pick up on that in a heartbeat. He'll know you're not serious. When do you plan to get serious with this?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,477 Likes: 6
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,477 Likes: 6 |
I agree E.
He was setting you up for a false recovery. Waywards want that contact because they are very selfish and manipulators who know how to "get to you".
That's why everyone here is always educating on plugging up holes.
If he was TRULY ready to meet your requirements he would DO it and not just talk about it. You will know the difference when and if he is really ready and not just trying to manipulate you. Glad you finally saw it.
Get those crazy nails going girl!!
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 452
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 452 |
MB, BH - thanks for calling me on that. It is too true. I was thinking about it and my biggest hole was my attitude towards Plan B.
I saw it as a "waiting period". Now I see it is a safe place to BE.
I learned my lesson (hopefully), had a set back on my PR, but I am back on track, to be the best person, mother, worker, that I can. And look again for my purpose, instead of obssessing of WH one way or another.
I now see how I shouldn't have allowed first contact with WH, much less continuing contact once confirmed he is still a wayward.
Somehow I thought I could handle, but now I see I can't. Contact with a WH brings chaos, confusion and lower standards.
So here's to keeping the holes plugged, and the bar high!
BS (me) 46
STBX WH 53
Married 2000
DS, 11; DS, 10
1st A: LT D-Day - 02/14/06
2nd A: D-Day - 12/21/11
Plan B since 1/17/12
Divorcing
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 452
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 452 |
Just did. Light sparkle blue (emphasis on sparkle).
Here at home the poll is divided. DS9 thinks it is hedious and DS10 likes it.
Having a good day today!
Last edited by estrela; 05/25/12 05:25 PM.
BS (me) 46
STBX WH 53
Married 2000
DS, 11; DS, 10
1st A: LT D-Day - 02/14/06
2nd A: D-Day - 12/21/11
Plan B since 1/17/12
Divorcing
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240 |
I say that it is out of the ordinary for you so YAY.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,477 Likes: 6
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,477 Likes: 6 |
Just did. Light sparkle blue (emphasis on sparkle).
Here at home the poll is divided. DS9 thinks it is hedious and DS10 likes it.
Having a good day today! Love it!! Do boys know nail polish? JK
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 452
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 452 |
They are my fashion consultants... 
BS (me) 46
STBX WH 53
Married 2000
DS, 11; DS, 10
1st A: LT D-Day - 02/14/06
2nd A: D-Day - 12/21/11
Plan B since 1/17/12
Divorcing
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,477 Likes: 6
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,477 Likes: 6 |
They are my fashion consultants... I know, right!! My son was my best!! Uhh mom are you really going to wear that? Or mom you look so pretty!! Love our boys don't we?? Hug them tight tonight, k?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,232
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,232 |
He says it is my choice which way to go. this is true! it is indeed your choice, estrela, and you can do it. i'm glad to hear you're getting back into PB, with NC, really NC w/WH. talk is cheap. when he sees that you are really serious, he will have the opportunity to turn talk into action. until then, NC! none, nada, zippo. you see the damage it did to you having had that conversation (and boy, don't i know how that feels). use it as your lesson not to make the same mistake again. do you have an IM? congrats on the blue nails. :O) maybe next time your boys can paint them for you in the colour(s) of their choice! may as well teach them how to do pedicures now so they can be excellent husbands :-D
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
538
guests, and
35
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,623
Posts2,323,509
Members72,002
| |
Most Online3,224
May 9th, 2025
|
|
|
|
