Sorry,<P>A kids thing. They miss their dad. <P><BR>I am getting so much justification from him. <P>On discovery, "I didn't feel loved" " You gave all your attention to the boys" "I felt like I was at the bottom of the totem pole"<P>A couple weeks later, " I have too many feelings for her" "Those feelings won't just go away" "I love you, but she makes me feel different" "Yes, it's over, she's seeing other people even though she's married too and cheated on me" "But I still love her" <P>You know this. Moves out again and again except my h finally fully furnishes an apt and is still there. Is still here almost every night with us. Doesn't sleep here but hugs me and kisses me every night as he leaves. He also tells me he loves me several times a day. And I think he does. He is so confused and guilt ridden.<P>I don't know if this helps. But what I am trying to remember is "time, patience, plan a. They will eventually come out of the fog. It looks like yours may be emerging, hopefully my h is right behind him.<P>PS I read a response that you posted about e-mailing you with an update. I was not ignoring you. I would love to cooresponed with you as we trudge through this mess. I am self employed too and sometimesjust lose it!!!!!!!!!!! cwalker842@aol.com

Janie & Distressed, thanks for your input. You both know how invisible the tightrope walk is for separation--sometimes it seems like I just keep trying things so I'm not in constant pain or going crazy.<P>Wex, you made me laugh, thank you. My counselor is really good with me on an individual basis--and we have a female sit-in, so it isn't because of "vibes". And he is a former betrayer turned pastor turned counselor, so his input is both from experience and the "book".<P>Hoping, it's good to hear from you. Your separation sounds like all of mine, except for this one. Right now with what is happening I'm second-guessing my actions, but that's foolish, because I know I did what I thought was right at the time, more than that, I did what I was capable of. But more than that, I find my H trying to force me back into that mold so that he can spend whatever time he wants here, but he can also leave "because we're separated". I tell my H nearly everytime I see him that I love him, and he either says it back or says it first. He also says he can't deal with the pain he "sometimes" sees in my eyes because he knows he put it there. That sounds very similar to your H's guilt feelings.<P>But this week we've really been talking about us. Our strengths, weaknesses, changes. We're going out on a dinner date with another couple tonight. This couple has been very stalwart for us, although we haven't seen much of them since spring. They know most of the situation. I think it is very positive that my H initiated the plans to go out with them tonight. Perhaps he's ready to stop isolating himself from what was our life...?<P>Anyway, the restaurant we're going to is WONDERFUL and I'm planning on being scintillating--been saving up some funny bookstore stories.<P>Like: Customer calls for Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective people and asks how many pages. 357. He gasps, "Oh man!" and hangs up. Uh, probably not on his way to being highly effective...(I tell it much better )<P>I appreciate you all so much.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P>