and good luck on the job.

So what is mom going to do next time?

Those Plan B cracks are a pain.

If you are doing Plan B and giving yourself time to figure things out, why did you change your status to "separated?" That kind of invites the less desirable types - really, "separated" is still "married," and an honorable man should not be hitting on you, in my opinion. Maybe you should keep it at "married" since you are working on yourself and possibly seeing if there's a chance your marriage will recover. You are not out looking for a new relationship. Particularly if you are finding this tempting, I would switch it back. Then no explanations needed - close friends know what's going on, and others don't need to know.

Way to go on the job, and Plan B!

I think this is very much a matter of choice. Hoping IS currently separated from her WH. She is not deceiving anyone.

You can say you are separated even if you are not out looking for a new relationship. You are simply acknowledging reality. How you deal with the vultures who might swoop, well, that is up to your boundaries. For me, this has been a learning curve. I am identifying the vultures from the men with integrity and morals. I am clearly stating to all that I am not dating as I am still married, and taking the time to figure out what I want without the added complications of another man.

Hoping, keep your boundaries HIGH. You are still married, even whilst separated. Don't use separated as an excuse to become wayward. Give yourself the time to process, to grieve, and to learn about what you would want in a future partner if marital recovery is not in the cards (another words, WH doesn't pull his head from his a#$e).

Well Hoping, you are now getting on the Plan B-andwagon! Keep it up!

And hugs to you for tomorrow.

I changed my FB status to separated, as I hated having people ask me about my husband, it was a very painful trigger. I was apprehensive about doing this and asked Scotty's advice as she had done it before me.

It is a danger and can usher in the wrong sort, so you have to have very high boundaries and take precautions. I dont wear a wedding ring either - because I found it massively painful. Scotty advised a 'power ring' on that finger, which works for her, but not for me sadly, because having anything on that finger feels like a trigger. I've just had to rely on other boundaries.

As regards Facebook, one thing I had to do before changing relationship status was to go through the friend lists and cull a lot of people who were not close or who I might feel should not hear about the separation.

Than I changed my privacy settings so that nobody could search for me and add me as a friend. This meant people cannot message me either. I realised that once I was separated and not wearing a ring, the wrong people might try. Unfortunately some people who had made the first cull still tried and I responded with a polite 'Im still married' message and immediate unfriending. Like Caracal, Im also very vocal about the fact generally I am still married and wont be dating. This is seen as such a radical view, that it spreads like wildfire and puts the wrong people off asking you out.

Thanks everyone for your input. I will keep my status at "separated" because I too hate being asked about my husband by an unsuspecting acquaintance. I feel that it's ok to keep this on separated and keep my boundaries high with the ones that ask about my marital status or ask what happened.

Interviewing for this job was a big step for me in Plan B. It means that I am doing Plan B for ME. Early in Plan B or before it I never would have applied to this job because I was thinking of WH and our future together. I'm so glad that I'm at the point where I won't have to pass up an opportunity to apply for my dream job. And you know what, I don't even feel guilty! I now get to do what I WANT and I am feeling almost happy again! I love Plan B.

THEY JUST CALLED ME -- I GOT THE JOB!!!!!! Thank you Plan B and Dr. Harley!

Hoping! I'm so happy for you!!!

Yay on the job!

I have never put a status on FB. Its blank. Always has been blank.

girlfriend

Thank yourself, because you did the hard work.

I need some advice.

I am feeling the intense urge to go ahead and file for divorce.
I have several reasons. First off, I am in a pretty good place right now, life in Plan B is going great and I feel that I would be better off without WH. I'm not sure if I would even be willing to work things out with him if he did agree to all my Plan B terms.

Second, my attorney advised me to file for divorce to protect myself financially before July 1st so that WH can't file first. WH cannot file until he has 6 months of residency in Texas so if I file before then I will have the upper hand and it will be easier for me to protect my savings (I have a lot and he has much less). If not, and he files first, I will need to find an attorney in Texas and they have different laws there about dividing assets.

Also, if I file first, WH may not even get a lawyer for several reasons: He doesn't have to, he will have to get one in Minnesota (which is a pain), he's frugal and won't want to pay for a lawyer unless he absolutely has to, and he mentioned to me before Plan B that we could each just keep what's in our separate bank accounts if we do end up divorcing because he doesn't want to have to take on part of my debt. If he gets a lawyer, they will undoubtedly inform him that he has rights to more of my savings than he thinks and infact would not need to take on any of my debt because it is student debt. Anyway, I feel like I'm ready to do this and I would like to protect my considerable savings. What do you think?

I'd take your lawyers advice. You need super financial protection from waywards.

Say you want to keep the process slow and kind of dragged out if you are still unsure you want to actually divorce him. I know you're considering it, but that's not the same as sure.

That said, people can get remarried if it comes to that. Protect the money, your lifestyle and peace of mind. And keep rocking that Plan B!

I agree. I would file. Filing doesn't mean you have to complete the divorce, but it does protect you.

We've had waywards drain their spouses accounts and not much the BS could do about it because they were still married.

Thanks, this helps my piece of mind. I will continue a dark as night Plan B but go ahead with filing. It can always be stopped by filing a document to stop the divorce, unless WH wants to go ahead, then there's nothing I can do. I am seeing my attorney tomorrow and now can give him the go ahead with confidence.

Congratulations on the job!! Good luck with your plans...

I'm experiencing a low and it has been tough. I could use some of your wonderful support.

I was out of town visiting family with my mom and it was a pretty bad trip so that was part of what got me down.

I think I am in a new phase where I am truly mourning the loss of the wonderful friendship that WH and I shared. I'm so sad I've lost him, I intuitively know that I will be better off without him and I don't think I would go back to him regardless of his meeting my conditions, but still, I AM SAD. Initially, there was some relief and excitement about just getting out of such a terrible situation. Now that that has mostly passed, reality is hitting and I feel so depressed. I've lost interest in some of the things that I normally love. I'm doing everything I can to combat this, trying to make new friends and get closer to the ones I have. I'm trying to do my treats and continue doing the things I love, and this all helps but at the end of the day and in the mornings and during most of the day I've felt sad. This is the 5th day that I have felt this way. I was already started on ADs when this whole nightmare began and I see my doctor in 2 days. I think I need to just get through this and let time and friends heal the wounds, I honestly don't think ADs matter if your wounds are fresh enough.

I desperately need support and advice! Please help. I plan to call a few friends today and schedule a back massage for tomorrow. I will visit a good friends tomorrow when I am off of work. Any other ideas? Maybe retail therapy.

Retail therapy is good, but set a budget before you go! Withdrawal from a marriage is NOT good for the bank balance. Ask me how I know

Low points suck, and while ADs and treats will make them manageable, nothing really stops them from being atrocious while they last.

But they are important. They purge you of the left over feelings you now have no use for.

In the past three weeks, after months of feeling AMAZING, I had two really weepy days. It started as I was picturing my H's face on our wedding day. It just killed me. He was deliriously happy that day. How could he ruin that feeling, in such a way?

Now that image has been purged for me. The vision of our wedding day and his face as I walked towards him, doesn�t upset me now. I just shrug and think 'silly fool'

The purging is HORRIBLE but totally worth it.

I still think humour is the absolute best medicine. Hang out with a really funny, funny friend or watch silly films or comedy on TV. My tips are Big Bang theory and Two Broke Girls!

But sometimes you just need a good cry. Your high point comes next

Thanks Indie, you are so insightful and such a role model and mentor. I really can't tell you how much you have helped me. Have you ever considered a career as a therapist?

It is helpful to think that my high point comes next.

Also I need to get on top of the funny -- haven't been doing that lately but I NEED SOMETHING FUNNY! I love Big bang theory, I'll have to look at my Netflicks to see what they have. I have two days off and that may help so I can get together some comedies.

And as I suffer through the bad times I need to remember that I am purging and will be lighter afterwards. It's like "no pain, no gain" in exercise.