Yes! Thank you, KA.

Rainy,

One thing I am worried could happen is that your WH's lawyer will distract the judge from WH's actions by talking about your exposure or somehow the judge will get the events confused (this happens with my L and STBX's L all the time!) and think your exposure is what has set off some of your WH's anger.

I think it would be good to create a timeline (this makes it very clear the way everything has unfolded). Be sure to include when the affair started, when your H has been violent torwards you or the children, when he moved out, when he has threatened to withhold CS or made any other threats, and anything else significant you can think of. Then you can put the date of your exposure in there...at the end.

Your story to the judge should he not like the fact that you exposed or asks you to explain it is that it was a last resort and you tried everything else possible to bring your WH back to his senses. The timeline will speak for itself. Just make sure to only write the facts. You may not even need this but from what I understand judges and lawyers like timelines to make everything clear.

Hope you are having a nice day with your kids, rainy! Hang in there

ETA: afterthought, I would make two timelines, one with the exposure included. One without. If WH's atty doesn't bring up the exposure, then no need for you to either and just use the timeline without it.

I think SusieQ has excellent input.

Exposure is not what you are there to discuss but if WH brings it up, address it as factually the last thing you did out of the chain of events.

Rainy,

I totally understand your position regarding your DS19. I would not ask him to do anything but tell the truth, if he is uncomfortable doing that i can truly understand and it was just a suggestion nothing more.

As far as the sister in law and niece go well at the end of the day you should be in plan B and not communicating any further with them or getting any info on what the POSOW or you WH are up to so submitting their emails will not effect that outcome, your in plan B so if they cut you off no big loss there as you should be cutting the communication out anyway.

As far as caring about what their opinion is of you, that really does not matter. Who cares if they believe your a psycho? Does their opinion effect your life in any way?? I would say that's a clear NO.

If either those two ladies had to throw you under the bus to save their children from an abusive and unstable WS I doubt very much they would stop to think long enough to remember your name never mind care what you think of them. Your safety and your kids safety has to come first and if the sister and niece care one bit about you they would not stop you from using emails they sent you to help you protect yourself. And I'm giving you this advice because I have had to reveal confidential emails from the OWs friends that were sent to me following exposure to her employment in order to protect further families from suffering at her hands (my FWH was married man Number 4 she had the grace to hook up with at the work place).

Also it is very important to get any evidence as to your WHs bipolar disorder and that he has infact stopped taking medication. Get a written Doctors report confirming the side effects of a patient discontinuing medication. Have you got any of his medical records?? Is he or has he ever been under the care of a psychiatrist? Can you be the psychiatrist to take the stand to testify as to the possible effects of your awh discontinuing his meds and the risk this poses?

As stated before this fact alone is very concerning, I have personal experience with several people who have bipolar and have seen the effects of them going off the meds, it's not pretty at all.

I have a very heartbreaking experience involving one of my close friends and her bipolar H that I will share once I got a second to spare.

Rainy - if you ever need my connections to the media let me know - sounds like where there's a local government agency and contractors involved a connection to the AG's office may come in handy. Let Justuss know if you need my help if things go badly for your DS19. We can always give your WH more exposure.

In fact, take evidence your WH manipulated things to get your son fired and I think there will be a cannonball shot past your WH' left ear that will be sufficient warning shot to not go there again. But having the name, phone # and email of someone in local or state government to report shenanigans to will also help.

I'm going to just try to answer everyone at once, not copy all the posts.

SusieQ and Reading - the timeline is a great idea. I will definitely do that. 2 copies is a great idea too. Thanks.

NB - I realize they were just suggestions. I wasn't saying they were not good ideas or trying to argue with you - just explaining my situation. Maybe I will print off the messages and use them as a last resort if absolutely necessary. Your point on that is correct.

Unfortunately, there is no official medical documentation about the bipolar disorder. He only sees a general physician (it started with one who specialized in mood disorders , but she has since left the practice, so not a lot of backup there) for med refills once a year. I believe they may have put something about "mood disorder unspecified" in his medical records, or it may only even say "depression." I can't remember, do not have copies, and likely cannot obtain them due to privacy laws, but I may try. They did that for "insurance purposes." All medical people say they are very reluctant to put a glaring official diagnosis of bipolar disorder on medical records. No idea how to prove he's off his meds either. Any ideas?

KA - I forgot you told me you had media connections. Did you say you are in UT too? Sorry, I can't remember.

I don't think there's any way to prove he got our son fired - he's good buddies and has under the table business dealings with the owner of the company my son was working for - he did help him get the job initially a year or so ago. (Before he totally went off the deep end). Very easy for the owner to just say things were slow, they laid people off. Pinoke sends too much business his way for him to do anything but help cover his butt. The man is also a jerk, has helped to support and hide this affair, and was rotten to DS19 while he did work for him. He took a pay cut, but DS19 is still grateful to be out from under that man - he just would've rather stayed under him than under his dad. Now that he just started the new job hopefully he will be ok. Like I said, his father could still have influence over it. Still good to know I may have some higher exposure options if pinoke continues to be a controlling jerk in all our lives. If he got fired, maybe he'd move away. (I do need his financial support though, so might be digging my own grave. He threatens to quit and just live off his side businesses all the time, where his income will be untraceable and no one can make him pay me).

This is the problem with pinoke. He's almost like 2 different people. Maybe he always has been and I've been fooling myself about the goodness in him. I don't even know anymore. I do know that the ugly side of him is a lying snake, gifted manipulator, and knows how to sneak around and cover his butt. I should have kept detailed records the last couple of years, gathered evidence - but I didn't think I was hanging around all this time to build a court case, ya know? I thought we were going to turn this marriage around. Once he moved out, I lost access to things.

The media may be a good last resort though. I could probably bring some unpleasant attention to him, so thanks for the offer. I'll keep it in mind.

It doesn't sound like that job would have been good for your son anyway.

He doesn't need to work for people like that.

As for changing jobs 'where his income is untraceable' does he really think that's possible in this day and age?

You can't hide money from the taxman, and you can't hide it from a good lawyer either.

Yes, it's better for my son now that he has the new job. It was extremely unpleasant in between when he had to work for his dad directly.

Let's just say pinoke's been doing it for awhile, and even I have never been sure what's going on.

Certainly, I would still go after him for support, and a lawyer/the state, whatever, would also. It would just make things a lot more complicated.

Yes Rainy - I'm in Utah. I'm what you might call "well connected" if you need me.

Huge relief for a back-up plan if it comes to that! Thank you

Do you know anyone who could just break his legs? Or run over the rodent?

Okay, I'm just kidding. But the dark side of me got a fleeting smile out of the thought.

Thank you for the serious offer. Greatly appreciated. I'll keep it in mind.

lol! sorry - I'm not that kind of connected.

Besides, I don't think anyone can squish a rodent, quite the way you did!

Any time you need to take a hike to get some of the bad air out, you've got the best back yard in the world!

True. Very true.

I still have my big truck and your WH is in my neck of the woods.

(J/k anyone who thinks I'm serious I wouldn't do any permanent damage, to my truck anyways)

KaylaAndy -

I have tried to read back through at least some of the threads of most of the people who have helped me on here, to get an idea for their lives and where they are coming from. I haven't seen yours. Just went to look and couldn't find it, but didn't realize how long you had been on here. Wow! Wish I'd found MB that long ago. Might have made a huge difference.

I just wanted you to know that I found a very old post of yours that gave me some peace. You were talking to a WW (no idea how her story ended up) and quoted "seek not to destroy . . . even if thou wilt of thyself be cast off." You told her if she wouldn't shape up she should at least not continue to destroy her family, but to leave her husband and children to try to heal from everything the best they could on their own with no further destruction. Inspired words, I think.

I have tried everything in this marriage. The last 3 1/2 years especially. There were many moments of hope and encouragement still, even in all this, up until the last 4 months. It's been a plane spiraling out of control in a nosedive since January. The last couple of weeks, since I started posting on here again, have been the worst.

I read Pepper's "deceives, hardens, destroys" post today too. My husband has allowed himself to be destroyed. Pure and simple. I wish I'd found MB during only the "deceives" stage, when exposure might have saved him. For whatever reason, I did not.

I still believe that he could turn his life around if he chose to someday, but it would be a long, hard road. At this point I think he is just going to have to completely break, in order to humble himself enough to let God come back into his life and help him. I pray that someday he does. But right now he is going full speed ahead down into the dark. The way he is now, there is nothing left of the man I loved, or the man who was my children's father. There is only complete and total destruction, a burned out shell of an addict with "no empathy" and "soulless eyes," as Pepper said.

After much heartache and prayer, I finally signed my divorce today. I really can't believe it came to this after 22 years, and all the time I've spent hoping and praying that he would pull out of this.

But he is destroyed, and I am letting him destroy me and my children too. It's time to "cast him off" sadly. No other choice. I knew I had to go forward with exposure, the PO and the divorce.

I read at the beginning of these 2 weeks before I exposed, and also shared this with rodent's BH - Mr. hiding behind my religion pile of mush enabler - the chapter that contains among other things, "They were not fighting for monarchy nor power . . . but for their homes and their liberties . . . their children and their all . . . ye shall not suffer yourselves to be slain by the hands of your enemies . . . The Lord has said . . . ye shall defend your families, even unto bloodshed." Of course there's not going to be any bloodshed. But extreme attack, unprovoked and never-ending, on the sacred institutions of marriage and family, calls for extreme defense - even if that means exposure, PO's, and a divorce filing. I told rodent's BH to go re-read God's justification for when war becomes the necessary course of action. When you must defend your family against a relentless enemy seeking nothing but power and destruction. Don't know if he ever will, but hopefully he finds some courage in there somewhere. I'm in the right, and I have no choice after all this attack but to stand up and defend my family.

Just wanted you to know that it was very comforting to me, validating, to read that post from you from so long ago. Thank you for words of strength and confirmation.

Rainy

Temporary damage would be okay. Could you just hold him off through Thursday? Kinda broke with no CS and all. But I bake a mean chocolate chip cookie.

And rodent's BH will be happy to pay for any damage to the truck in the alienation of affection settlement, I'm certain. No worries there.

rainsyweet,

I love your sense of humor. You crack me up girl. I'm sure rodent's BH will probably buy me a new truck. Got love those enabling husbands.

You're going to do so well.

Way to stand tall for your children my friend. The sun is brighter here in UT lately.

I will be thinking about you on Thursday.

You too, Brain. Thanks!
(I'll get a photo to you asap).

And that you have rainy, what a warrior you have shown yourself to be

Now, after Thursday, retire from the battle and heal your wounds. Plan B for you, no more Plan B-ite me (although I loved that saying and think exposure is actually an important step for the healing of the BS, Plan A or B).

I hope you plan a fun weekend with your family. You deserve it.