Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 26 of 28 1 2 24 25 26 27 28
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 754
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 754
TE,

I read your sitch and very sorry about the divorce. I am angry for you for that e-mail from wxw stating maybe someday we will be friends or talk to each other. The only e-mail she should have sent is how sorry she is for the pain she caused you and continue to cause your sons. If I remember right, she was going to get a teaching job, did she? She should be paying you for the transportation cost as you agreed to her moving away with your sons. It was her decision to move, why do you have to pay this cost?

ba


Me-49, WH-51
Married 02/1983 yrs, Sons - 27, 26, 20
1st PA - 1985, 1st known EA - 1992/1993
2nd PA - 06/02 to 11/04
1st D-day - 09/03, D-day 2 - 10/04 D-day 3 05/08
NC e-mail - 11/04- it wasn't real
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 561
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 561
Hi everyone. I need advice.

I lost my job 3 weeks ago to lay offs. I was wondering if anyone had advice as far as child support payments are concerned.

I received about 10 weeks of severance, so I should be fine for a little while.

Things that concern me are:

1. Child support obligation - can/should I get it modified?

2. COBRA - it's expensive, should I ask if WXW gets health insurance at her job, and if so, can she put the kids on her plan?

3. Cost of visitation. Since my children live in a different state and I've been paying the entire cost of travel, both theirs and mine, should I talk to WXW about paying for some of this burden... yeah right!

WXW really is a financial dead-weight, so I don't know what to do.


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
I would suggest poking around to see if you might be able to find another job.

That's unlikely in this economy that you would find one that fast, though you could try.

I'm not sure how else to advise you, so I'll just say good luck.



One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,025
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,025
You've gotta talk to a lawyer locally and be proactive. My feeling is that way to many men/fathers get down and depressed and don't do anything to alleviate the pressure/financial burden until they are so far in arrears that judges/courts aren't sympathetic at all.

In my understanding, being unemployed doesn't mean they compute child support obligations at ZERO pay, rather they extrapolate an income based upon your ability to work and pay history which number they then use to figure child support.

Trying to rely or negotiate with a wayward likely isn't worth your while or healthy for you for that matter. Right now (unrepentant) she deserves no more care or consideration than any other creditor (bank, credit card, etc) that you have. Negotiate the legal waters and handle things with no regards for her or her reactions. [if you want her to pay part for the travelling...then petition for it as well]


Mr. W


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,025
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,025
Aren't you planning on seeking a job and moving closer to the kids now or do you still have to wait for properties (plural) to sell???


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 561
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 561
Yes, I am seeking employment in New York, as well as around here.

The house is sold.


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 561
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 561
Yesterday the phone rang. I answered. It was WXW.

WXW: "TE, are we ever going to just talk normally again?"

TE: "About what?"

WXW: "Well, are you looking for a job in New York?"

TE: "Yes. And other places."

WXW: "The boys really miss you. You should really move up here."

TE: "You know, I'd prefer if we just communicate via email."

End of conversation.


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
You have to remember to let the answering machine screen your calls. At this point you need to NC your XWW.

Also why are you considering local jobs and not just looking for a job to be closer to your kids?

Last edited by TheRoad; 03/29/12 06:41 PM.
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 561
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 561
I have a feeling the affair is over.


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
Originally Posted by TryingEverything
I have a feeling the affair is over.

Why? What proof do you have that it's over?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 561
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 561
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Originally Posted by TryingEverything
I have a feeling the affair is over.

Why? What proof do you have that it's over?


I Facetime with my kids on their iPods every evening. In order to get them on the line, I typically have to text WXW and ask if boys are available.

Lately WXW has been out of the house and the grandparents are watching the kids. I believe she is dating, because I don't believe she works past 6:00 pm.

Since OM lives in London, I know she's not out with him.

Recently WXW wrote me how much youngest son misses me. Last week she called and asked if we could normalize communication.

It seems to me like her head is beginning to emerge from her butt.


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
Have you thought about going into Plan B? It might help with the stress.

Hows the job hunting going?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 561
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 561
Brainhurts, I do my best to not meet any of WXW's needs. I rarely speak to her.

Job hunt is underway.


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
Originally Posted by TryingEverything
Brainhurts, I do my best to not meet any of WXW's needs. I rarely speak to her.

Job hunt is underway.

When you do speak to her does it cause you stress/pain?

Plan B is to protect you. What about having an IM so you don't have to talk to her at all?

Good luck on the job hunt.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 561
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 561
Confirmed. The affair is over.

While I find it somewhat gratifying that their relationship has crashed and burned, the fact remains that our family is in ruins.

And for what? The affair didn't even last a year post divorce.

So much for soulmates.



BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 561
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 561
Good news! I got a new job.

It's not in New York, but at least I can avoid paying COBRA for the kids and me. And it will allow me to maintain my life while I continue to look for employment closer to the kids.

It's a good day.


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Congrats ! dance2

Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 561
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 561
Over the past weekend WXW sent me several picture messages on my phone of the kids.

Her brother also asked me what I thought of the fact that her relationship with the OM is officially over.

What I imagine is happening is that now that the affair is over, she's finally feeling guilty about what she's done to the kids, she's probably regretting the fact that she's lost a great husband, she probably hates living with her old parents, and maybe she's starting to think of a plan to somehow get me back.

I just don't think I could ever take her back, despite how much I miss and love my kids.


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
Originally Posted by TryingEverything
Over the past weekend WXW sent me several picture messages on my phone of the kids.

Her brother also asked me what I thought of the fact that her relationship with the OM is officially over.

What I imagine is happening is that now that the affair is over, she's finally feeling guilty about what she's done to the kids, she's probably regretting the fact that she's lost a great husband, she probably hates living with her old parents, and maybe she's starting to think of a plan to somehow get me back.

I just don't think I could ever take her back, despite how much I miss and love my kids.


You're back in the area with kids and XWW, correct? You're not in Plan B with her?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 561
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 561
They live a thousand miles away. She lives with her parents. WXW and I are not on speaking terms.


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
Page 26 of 28 1 2 24 25 26 27 28

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,027 guests, and 52 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5