TE,

I read your sitch and very sorry about the divorce. I am angry for you for that e-mail from wxw stating maybe someday we will be friends or talk to each other. The only e-mail she should have sent is how sorry she is for the pain she caused you and continue to cause your sons. If I remember right, she was going to get a teaching job, did she? She should be paying you for the transportation cost as you agreed to her moving away with your sons. It was her decision to move, why do you have to pay this cost?

ba

Hi everyone. I need advice.

I lost my job 3 weeks ago to lay offs. I was wondering if anyone had advice as far as child support payments are concerned.

I received about 10 weeks of severance, so I should be fine for a little while.

Things that concern me are:

1. Child support obligation - can/should I get it modified?

2. COBRA - it's expensive, should I ask if WXW gets health insurance at her job, and if so, can she put the kids on her plan?

3. Cost of visitation. Since my children live in a different state and I've been paying the entire cost of travel, both theirs and mine, should I talk to WXW about paying for some of this burden... yeah right!

WXW really is a financial dead-weight, so I don't know what to do.

I would suggest poking around to see if you might be able to find another job.

That's unlikely in this economy that you would find one that fast, though you could try.

I'm not sure how else to advise you, so I'll just say good luck.

You've gotta talk to a lawyer locally and be proactive. My feeling is that way to many men/fathers get down and depressed and don't do anything to alleviate the pressure/financial burden until they are so far in arrears that judges/courts aren't sympathetic at all.

In my understanding, being unemployed doesn't mean they compute child support obligations at ZERO pay, rather they extrapolate an income based upon your ability to work and pay history which number they then use to figure child support.

Trying to rely or negotiate with a wayward likely isn't worth your while or healthy for you for that matter. Right now (unrepentant) she deserves no more care or consideration than any other creditor (bank, credit card, etc) that you have. Negotiate the legal waters and handle things with no regards for her or her reactions. [if you want her to pay part for the travelling...then petition for it as well]


Mr. W

Aren't you planning on seeking a job and moving closer to the kids now or do you still have to wait for properties (plural) to sell???

Yes, I am seeking employment in New York, as well as around here.

The house is sold.

Yesterday the phone rang. I answered. It was WXW.

WXW: "TE, are we ever going to just talk normally again?"

TE: "About what?"

WXW: "Well, are you looking for a job in New York?"

TE: "Yes. And other places."

WXW: "The boys really miss you. You should really move up here."

TE: "You know, I'd prefer if we just communicate via email."

End of conversation.

You have to remember to let the answering machine screen your calls. At this point you need to NC your XWW.

Also why are you considering local jobs and not just looking for a job to be closer to your kids?

I have a feeling the affair is over.

Why? What proof do you have that it's over?

I Facetime with my kids on their iPods every evening. In order to get them on the line, I typically have to text WXW and ask if boys are available.

Lately WXW has been out of the house and the grandparents are watching the kids. I believe she is dating, because I don't believe she works past 6:00 pm.

Since OM lives in London, I know she's not out with him.

Recently WXW wrote me how much youngest son misses me. Last week she called and asked if we could normalize communication.

It seems to me like her head is beginning to emerge from her butt.

Have you thought about going into Plan B? It might help with the stress.

Hows the job hunting going?

Brainhurts, I do my best to not meet any of WXW's needs. I rarely speak to her.

Job hunt is underway.

When you do speak to her does it cause you stress/pain?

Plan B is to protect you. What about having an IM so you don't have to talk to her at all?

Good luck on the job hunt.

Confirmed. The affair is over.

While I find it somewhat gratifying that their relationship has crashed and burned, the fact remains that our family is in ruins.

And for what? The affair didn't even last a year post divorce.

So much for soulmates.

Good news! I got a new job.

It's not in New York, but at least I can avoid paying COBRA for the kids and me. And it will allow me to maintain my life while I continue to look for employment closer to the kids.

It's a good day.

Congrats !

Over the past weekend WXW sent me several picture messages on my phone of the kids.

Her brother also asked me what I thought of the fact that her relationship with the OM is officially over.

What I imagine is happening is that now that the affair is over, she's finally feeling guilty about what she's done to the kids, she's probably regretting the fact that she's lost a great husband, she probably hates living with her old parents, and maybe she's starting to think of a plan to somehow get me back.

I just don't think I could ever take her back, despite how much I miss and love my kids.

You're back in the area with kids and XWW, correct? You're not in Plan B with her?

They live a thousand miles away. She lives with her parents. WXW and I are not on speaking terms.