That's what I ended up taking, emilyann, and ended up with no weight gain plus a roaring libido. WOW. Now I forget why I stopped...lol.

I started with zoloft, which was brutal for me.

It sounds like you're doing everything for your physical health. I was thinking more on your mental health with your self image? ADs will help you.

Whennis your appointment to get into your doctor? Did you listen to the clips?

Not yet. Having issues with the speakers on my very old computer, but I'm going to try again today.

Roaring libido would be an issue since DH has ED issues and we have essentially had no sex life for a couple of years now.

I would love to, but we live in a 2nd-floor apartment that isn't very well-built. Our first downstairs neighbors already moved to another unit because they complained to the management about our DD making too much noise when she walks and plays (she's 3 1/2 and only weighs 28 lbs. and isn't particularly active). Our new neighbors are much nicer about it, but even they have asked if we have a trampoline up here because apparently that's what is sounds like to them when DD runs around and plays. So I'm guessing they wouldn't appreciate me jumping around to an exercise DVD on their heads, lol.

Apartment living sucks.

In my opinion, this thread has veered off into trying to help writer deal with depression on her own. I see that as a problem, because according to Dr. Harley, the number one cause of depression in women is their relationship with their husband or boyfriend.

We don't want writer to be on ADs the rest of her life, although they certainly might help in the short term. We want to give her real help: fix the cause of her depression.

writer, in my opinion the number one problem here is that your husband just is not on board with Marriage Builders. It takes two to have a good marriage. One spouse cannot do it alone. And a wife rarely can't succeed at trying to win her husband over for any length of time.

I think it would help so much, writer, if you would get in touch with Dr. Harley soon and try to get some more focused help getting your husband involved in making your marriage a good one. Accepting scraps of time in your marriage is only going to leave you depressed for the rest of your life, with possible serious mental and physical consequences. Dr. Harley and we can help you come up with a productive plan to change your marriage to one that is not so depressing, starting with getting your husband involved with treating your depression.

I'm sure you need more exercise, as do we all, and I'm sure that will have a positive impact on your mental state, but these are minor issues compared to your one problem, and writer I just really feel like we can best help you by getting you focused on solving the number one problem, at last.

How is that letter to Dr. Harley coming?

In addition to Markos comments.

Did your H get into the doctor for his ED?

You'll send that letter this weekend?

Hey Writer, just catching up on your thread.

You have received some good suggestions on finding UA time....I just want to comment on there area of the country you live in.

I just have to say I would not keep living there. To me it sounds like you have no real connection there...no ties. Other than your adult children...but I saw that one of your dd's lives in CO. Why not pack up and GO. I know you say you can't break your lease, but what are they going to do? Eat you? No....they will turn you over to collections which in the grand scheme of things is not the end of the world. You just pay it off one day. Or maybe you can negotiate with them to settle for a lesser amount if you agree to pay it off so much per month.

Think outside the box about your living situation. Your poor dh...commuting 3 hours per day. Ugh. I would start looking for jobs near where you dd is in CO or in some other part of the country where COL is affordable and take a big leap.

Easy for me to say....but the situation you describe sounds nearly unbearable to me.

What field is your dh in?

Spot on, Markos.

The real cure to your depression, writer, is a husband who shows care for you. Get in touch with Dr. Harley and get some advice on bringing him on board!

SW: Writer's husband works in a call centre as I recall so....customer service? It has been a dead-end job for ten years with no advancement. But it is steady employment and apparently he cannot find other work.

They are both stuck in a tremendous rut and have been....forever. Writer, I like you very much, but if you could read your thread you would see how you are totally inhabiting "the place of "No"". It seems like nothing short of winning the lottery will be enough to convince you to change your own life. As a small example, and being mindful of Markos' admonishment surely your downstairs neighbours go out SOMETIMES?

Only you can change your life, Writer. Your husband gets to change his.

They just opened a big call center here in my city in AR where the cost of living is excellent. I live in the 'burbs' and would only have to drive 20 minutes to that job. You can rent a decent 2 bedroom apartment here for about $550 a month.

Personally I would go to CO. But then again when I read about what happened in the cities before and during the great depression I always think, 'I would get up and walk out of there...I would die on the road with my children before I would wallow in the horrors of what city life was for them then.' I know that is an extreme comparison....but I guess what I am saying is I would ACT.

Sometimes I feel paralyzed...but I always feel better when I act.

I listened to the clips, but I'm not sure they really apply to my situation. My M really isn't in a crisis situation where I am dealing with something massively overwhelming, such as physical abuse or an active A, like the callers were. I can see how short-term AD's could be useful in these situations. Also, I am not suicidal, like the 3rd person was, so that's really not an issue either.

What I am is stuck in a M where my EN's are not being met and quality UA time is not happening. That has led me to a state of withdrawal. So, I think Marcos is right, I do need to write to the Harley's and come up with a plan to get my H onboard with all of this. So, that's what I'm going to do.

And no, my H hasn't made an appointment with the doctor yet for his ED problems. I haven't had the nerve to discuss it with him yet. It's a sensitive subject, and when we've discussed it in the past, it hasn't exactly gone well.

Yes, he works in a call center. No, he hasn't been able to find a better job. He is going to school right now though, earning his MBA online, so I'm hoping that will open up more opportunities for him. But he still has a year-and-a-half before he graduates. He says he is applying for jobs in other areas right now.

I have been looking for work too, but it's hard. Daycare here is beyond expensive and our unemployment is much higher than the national average. I simply haven't found anything that will work for me yet. I've been out of the job market for almost 4 years, so that puts me at a huge disadvantage. It would be possible for me to break back in, but not at a job that would cover the cost of daycare for my DD and still leave me enough left over to bother with. Truthfully, my employment history isn't great. I've always been the part-time worker who supplements my H's income while taking care of the kids. I had my first child at 18, so I've basically been raising kids my entire adult life. Before I met my H, I was living with my mom and going to school. When my H and I got married, I quit school to stay home and take care of the kids (3 were mine, and then we had a COM). When the kids got older, I went back to school and also worked part-time. But I've never had a full-time job with benefits.

I am not trying to make excuses. I am just presenting facts. It's hard being 41 and never having had a full-time career and trying to jump into that in this job market. I have applied for a lot of jobs, but most jobs get hundreds of applicants right now, and realistically I am not the most qualified candidate for these positions.

And as for my neighbor, no, she actually doesn't go out very often at all. Her husband works, but she has MS and is basically homebound. She doesn't drive and she rarely leaves the apartment. My previous downstairs neighbor didn't work either (her H is the maintenance man for our complex). She was home all day too.

It's probably easier for me because I live in London, where most mothers of school-aged children work, but I would try and find work as a childminder.

Does your area have parents who need someone to look after their children before and after school? I couldn't stand looking after other people's children all day (I don't think), but I could do it for the hours before and after school until 6. You might be able to find a setting where the parents wanted you to take the kids to their house, so the bonus would be that your house wasn't getting trashed, and your neighbours were not getting even more annoyed. Of course, you'd take your daughter with you, and she'd get to play with other kids.

I had a childminder who did this for me for 17 years, and she was an angel. (She did it in her house, not mine, so her house got wrecked!)

How near is the nearest school to you? Could you put an advert in their newsletter? What could you charge per hour to look after two other kids in their home?

Great to hear! Let us know what he says, ok?

There may also be parents in your area who would like a nanny to watch their kids once a week for a date night.

We just hired a woman who does that full time. -- watching children during work hours, watching children for date nights. she's not rich, but she's making enough to support herself and her son. She's going to be getting $80 a week out of us, for just 4 hours.

I am actually looking into daycare opportunities. I am currently registered with a site called care.com. So far, I haven't found anything, but I'm still looking. A lot of people here are quite wealthy and most of the jobs are for live-in, full-time nannies, which obviously wouldn't work for me. I think I would have to find someone who would allow me to watch their children in their home and bring my DD with me, because my apartment just isn't conducive to setting up a daycare.

If you could stand to do it for all day for the pre-schoolers, that would be even better, of course, but even if you couldn't, $10 per hour for say, 20 hours pre- and after-school per week, would be marvellous.

What would parents wants to know about you? A criminal record check? Could you get the balling rolling on that?

And the smart thing to do about after-school care would be to get kids from the school that your daughter will attend if you're still living there in two years' time. That way you could pick them all up from the one place after school and mind them until 6. No running around!

My childminder used to do three schools all at once. Don't do that.

Get directly in touch with a school. My local primary school used to allow adverts on the noticeboard and in the newsletter. We can also advertise cheaply on postcards in the local newsagents. If you can't do that, put an ad in the paper. A lot of ads in our local papers can be placed for free. Do you have anything like that? Toddler groups, the Scouts and Brownies and church groups for parents and kids might have noticeboards too. In fact, even the leisure centre where I go for fitness classes has a noticeboard. You can put anything you like on these boards.

My experience is that parents of fully school-aged children hit a real problems when they don't need a full-time nanny any more. It's too expensive to keep a nanny in the house all day when the kids at at school, and qualified, young, single nannies don't want to do part-time, after-school work.

I was very lucky in that my childminder lived in the same house and did that job for 17 years, until my younger child was 10, but most parents I knew were always losing their child carers. Childminders were always getting pregnant, moving house or going back to full-time work. People were desperate for school-aged child care. I appreciate that parents would be after live-in nannies in an affluent area, but I can't believe there aren't many school-aged parents who want something less than that. If you become more active you will find such work.

The one problem I'm having right now is transportation issues. Most people, especially those with school-age kids (but even those with younger ones) require you to have reliable transportation. That would be for obvious reasons if I am taking kids to school or other activities. But I don't have that. I have a very old mini-van, but I rarely drive it because I'm afraid it will break down at any time. It leaks a variety of fluids, the A/C doesn't work, and I've been told by several mechanics that it needs at least $5000 worth of work to make it reliable again. I obviously don't have that and I can't afford a new car. We've been talking about getting rid of the van altogether to save on insurance, since I basically just use if for quick trips to the store, but that would make my transportation problems even worse.