Oops! Make that: NO pity!

Great thoughts, SweetPea!

I think it just takes a conscious effort to feed the eagle whereas the wolf just easily takes what it wants from inside us.

I think it also takes remember to feed the eagle even when things are going along pretty well. Just yesterday I had to remind myself to do that - after H had been so supportive of me the night before. (I couldn't sleep and woke him up several times.) And then, he worked very hard on the yard... I want him to know that those things ARE appreciated.

I guess I'm just thinking the the eagle needs a constant dose of small meals at times...not just big ones here or there.

It helps to know your own personal weaknesses where the wolf is concerned and to stay on top of them!

Hi Everyone:
I am new here to this site (found on a blog) there is a lot to navigate here.
I saw the title of this one and followed it as much as I could then decided to start currently and go back.
My story is sooo long and right now I feel like I am dealing with PTSD. My husband has been home since 2010 (D-Day was June 13, 2008 , Friday the 13th. )He had been having an affair with a younger woman. She was still in her 20s , we in our 40s , she was (is) a want-to-be model from Poland with immigration issues.
So his affair and our reconciliation went back and forth for three years (I cannot believe I lasted that long)...he came home the fall of 2010. It was then that I had found out he had gotten blackmailed by a woman from Russia, he sent her (them) ) $400.00 to not contact me....well I had found out. He was devastated and swore remorse and never ending love for me...begged forgiveness..So he was home and we were working on our marriage,
It had been very difficult to go to marriage counseling because we cannot afford it. See, we had made a very , very good living and because of the separation (2 households) and he developed a severe gambling issue while he traveled with "princess" he had also been giving her a lot of money to cover her apartment and he payed her travel expenses, so, needless to say he was not focused on our business and priorities, well we lost everything!
It was then that she finally left him...just like I had been saying the whole time! But through that time of the affair she harassed and made fun of me via email...stalked me when she could, I even had my life threatened (there is a police report)...there is more and more to this story.
So, he is home and then I found out in January that for the most of 2011 while I thought he had been contacting her by text. He said he was harassing her because of how she damaged his life....yea whatever.
Now it has hit me...everything! He is trying....but now I find myself depressed, our house is in foreclosure.....I am so tired ! I have definitely gone in to a depression.
Well....he is on his way home (he finally did a job interview...his pride has gotten the best of him and now he finally humbled himself to get a job to get us through til our new business gets off the ground)....so no more time to post. Thanks for letting me vent :-)
I need to find me....been saying that a long time but I do not do it....any suggestions?

S

Hi s2727,
Welcome to Marriage Builders. Please start your own thread and post your story and then you'll get responses.

Thanks....I will figure out how

Go to the forum Surviving an Affair.

At the top of the page with all the threads listed there is a tab for "new topic". Open that, give your topic and name and post what you posted here.

Good luck!

Glad you all were here to direct S2727!

I have been away from my computer all weekend with DD20 in town with the new boyfriend and having home renovations done...and prom for DS18!

Lots going on.

S2727, I will try to catch you on your thread. Hope my story of reconciliation has helped you in some way.

oh sunny, i'm sorry to hear of your little yorkie. (((sunny)))

now what's this about DD being home w/boyfriend?! how's it going??

Thanks, Letty.

Yeah - DD20 came home from college and brought the new beau to meet the family this past weekend. I think I've written about it before...how H was not happy about the new boyfriend because he's a bit older than her and left college to take a job oversees for a year and all that. After meeting him, I think H and I both feel much better about the whole thing.

I kept trying to tell H to keep an open mind and at least reserve judgment until he'd met the guy, because that's what I was trying to do.

Quite frankly, I think new BF is smart to have taken the job to sock away money - esp. with the way the economy is now! He still plans on finishing his degree - but didn't want to turn down an opportunity to build a savings.

Anyway, I liked him a lot. He's very respectful and responsible - seems very intelligent as well. I can see why my daughter is drawn to him. I don't know if this is "the" one but they both seem pretty starry-eyed. Of course, he has to leave to go back oversees in a few weeks. The long distance deal may come between them - you just never know. Of course, he's working on a military base (as a civilian) that right now consists of only men...and she is not a "I have to have a guy around" kind of girl - so...who knows.

The age difference doesn't bother me (he's 25) because I see it as a positive. My daughter has always been mature for her age - especially having 2 younger brothers. She's a lot like me personality-wise. Immature, party boys have never been her style, not even in high school.

H liked him and lost his skepticism, lol, so that says a lot!

Hard day. With classes out I decided to do some heavy duty cleaning, including closets and drawers and all that fun stuff. I found lots of stuff that triggered me and that's no fun. Plus, I came across some of my yorkie's old toys and collars and such.

It's been a week since the awful incident and I'm still having crying jags... it's tough!

To top it off, I broke two of my toes yesterday and it's painful.

AND...my mom and dad will be in town this Saturday for S18's graduation. Not looking forward to it as my mom is SUCH a pain... She is just not a fun person to be around.

SO: mentally: yuck; physically: yuck; emotionally: yuck!!!!

BUT... through it all H is being SO great and supportive. I love that man!!!

good and bad news, eh? tough about the toes. it's stinky there's nothing they can do about them; you just have to suffer (like you haven't suffered *enough??*)

glad to hear DH is coming round with the bf. that's a piece of good news.

i just popped in to talk snoring! (lol, typed snorting!)

you'll remember i'm the intermittent snorer. my snoring would wake H, he'd have trouble going back to sleep, and he'd keep poking me, causing me to get up several times a night. exhausting for us both! and i was getting pretty cranky that he'd just complain and complain, but not think up what to do. and i hated it if he left the bed (can we spell t-r-i-g-g-e-r? yes we can!)

we have set up a system where we can both get some sleep that is working. we go to bed together like always (spoons, yay!) if i start snoring, H wakes me enough to say i'm snoring, and i go to DDs room and sleep in her bed. this beats the heck out of him just elbowing me. now that it's winter (and nz houses are freezing - no central heat), i put on the electric blanket in her bed before i go to sleep. that way, it's toasty when i arrive and i can drop right back off, and if i don't travel, i just turn it off in the morning. since H isn't listening to me gasp for breath, he can drop back off too. even though i'm only 2 rooms away, H can't hear me. and my little cat comes too :O) H comes to wake me in the morning, and we can have a cuddle before rising.

we are both sleeping through the night now, and i feel ever so much more rested! since we go to sleep together, nothing really feels different (though sometimes i wake in her bed and wonder where the heck i am), and mostly i stay in our bed, since my snoring is intermittent. oddly enough, this system seems to work out my more in MY favour - he is unhappy he is left alone w/one cat and no bedwarmer. however, i love getting a full night's sleep! but he is sleeping better too, which makes us all less crabby.

i hope your week goes better. triggers suck green donkey d1cks (ha! got that from writer rita mae brown).

{{{{{{{{{{{Sunny}}}}}}}}}}}

Sorry about your toes (ouch!), the stress your mom is bringing with her, too. But this made me smile:


The love and support of a fully committed man. That's a great testament to the both of you ... that he is fully there for you. Thank goodness.

Side note: We are celebrating DSS' graduation on June 9. Really proud of that kid! Starting to see glimpses of the man he is becoming, and it's awesome to see how smart, funny, capable and interesting he is. (We're all glad, too -- including his mom -- that he's headed to college in the fall. We're ALL ready for a little separation!)

Hope your graduation goes well. And how can we help you navigate the stress of your mom's visit?

Cheers,
SP

Forgot some {{{{{{{{Sunny}}}}}}}}} for the triggers. ugh! they dooooooooo suck!

But did you MB them? meaning get rid of them? Is it possible to do that? Or what was the biggest one to trigger you? Can that one be eliminated?

Hugs,
SP

Ha, ha...Thanks for the laugh, Letty!!!

I woke up feeling much better this morning, so that's good. I'm looking at it this way: I'm getting rid of all the triggery stuff now...so, while it's a bit painful at the moment, after this it will be all gone! (hopefully)

The yorkie stuff is a little harder. My first inclination was to throw it all away. Then H said I might want to have it later - when I'm not so emotional about it. He's probably right. That little dog, I swear. He could be such a pain with his yapping at times and you had to watch him like a hawk because he would have accidents at times - being so small, in a big house. But... he was also fun: he liked to play and was feisty. It was funny trying to see him hang with the big boys - our white, 100 lb german shepherds! He'd go hang out in their crates when they were outside. AND...he kept me company while H was wayward; was always there with me when I felt sad or lonely. We didn't have the shepherds back then and the other dog - the perpetrator - is more of the boys' dog. (Of course they are both mad at her now.)

Anyway....

I'm glad to hear you have found a sleeping solution that works!!! Although, you may have to get a 2nd kitty to sleep with your hubby. lol

We've been doing well in that department. H went to the doctor a few weeks ago and doc said his blood pressure was high and told him to eat healthier. Since he's been doing that, he's dropped 7 lbs and isn't snoring nearly as much! I've had to nudge him very little lately.

SOOOOOO happy today!

S18's graduation is over; my parents left to go back home this morning; I'm taking a break this summer from classes.....

I have done nothing today but RELAX! Believe me, I deserved it after slaving away for everyone all week.

H was absolutely FANTASTIC during my parent's visit, I must say. He was so supportive of me and just did everything he could to make things easier for me these last few weeks! (He's relaxing today too, LOL)

i wish we had a happy dance emoticon!

your H is right about your little yorkie's things. when my happy (cat) died, i cried every night for a week. but now i am happy (lol) i have his stuff. it's all good memories now.

so excited you're taking the summer off! i hope you don't get too stuck into "off-work" plans and can relax more and just enjoy yourself.

and your H is doing great! yay!

Thanks, Letty!

This next week I plan on taking it easy and doing some H need-meeting as much as possible! Then, I'm going to tackle some things around the house. Oh, and reading some good books! It's been awhile since I've gotten to read for pleasure rather than school!

I'm sure you're right about the yorkie things. It's still hard.

Congrats on DS's graduation, and how well your H did through the whole weekend!

We're having DSS's graduation this Saturday. A big step!

Happy to hear the updates, SDiT.

I'd back-pat ya, but I think that the LB$ balance you are building w/ your H is the true reward!


Go, chica, go!

Well - it was the whole week, not just the weekend. I have to clarify that because my mom truly is not an easy person to be around for a weekend much less a whole week!!! LOL

Congrats on your DS's graduation too! It seems a little anti-climatic compared to DD's graduation 2 years ago because she was going off to college and S18 is going to take classes here a year first. BUT... still got teary-eyed.