I hear ya MNG.

She's pouring it one heavier this week. I'm having to put everything I have into it.

My new thing is that when she emails or texts something that she's trying to draw me in to an argument with, I read it and then close it before I can respond. I wait for a while before I reply to allow myself some "meditation time".

This has actually worked twice today alone. She's been VERY strongly trying to draw me in today for some reason. It may actually be because she could have gotten my counter claim paperwork. My lawyer said she should get it today or tomorrow depending on how prompt her lawyer is.

I would guess this has a lot to do with your change in attitude. You're not feeding her constant need for justification any longer, so she has to do something to motivate you to give it to her. She's probably getting quite a bit frazzled with all this coming down to what it is, and needs fuel from you to keep going. Don't give it to her. Believe me, I know how much you want to verbally rip her a new one, but all you'll be doing is giving her what she wants and NEEDS.

Very good, never respond in the heat of the moment. Let your brain guide you, not your emotions.

It could be she has gotten HER draft of the counter, but I seriously doubt that HE has received his subpoena. You'll definitely know when that bomb has landed!

Just stay the course on your Plan A to the best of your abilities, and when she starts talking divorce, you just keep reiterating that you don't discuss divorce, you discuss marriage. Tell her to refer all discussion of divorce through the lawyers. Hang tough with this. Don't get trapped into the petty bickering that I know you want to engage. That's what she wants and needs. Don't supply the "enemy" with munitions and a supply line.

TigerWes,

What is so totally ironic in this situation is the fact that I have always been a person that lives by allowing my logical, rational and realistic thought process. I have always tried to NOT allow my emotions make or drive decisions that I've made. At least the ones that mattered.

But now, for some not from this planet reason my emotions seem to be driving me and it's killing me that it's happening. I had rather deal with logic any day!!

It's quite amazing and baffling at the same time, huh? The methods here are so counter intuitive, but right on the mark. When you think zig, you should have zagged. When you want to punch, you should keep your gloves to the face and take the punches. Yeah, it's tough to digest and even tougher to implement. It's just part of the radical changes you are going to have to start making, so you better start getting used to it now because this is the war you are in and you don't get to make the rules.

Buddy, this is going to to get a LOT tougher before it gets better, no matter which way it goes. When POSOM gets his little note expect an explosion from your WW that you never thought possible. But, keep in mind, the madder she gets, the better the damage you have done. You WANT her mad as hell when that happens. That's good bull in this sitch. Just don't counter with anger. Be that damned duck. Calm on the surface but paddling like hell underneath. If she wants to ream you about speeding up the divorce, then tell her to call her lawyer. Remember, you only discuss marriage.

Have you ever approached this POSOM face to face?

This is the one thing I would LOVE to do, but no one will let me. Lawyers have told me under no uncertain terms should I contact him much less go see him. I want to so bad I can't hardly see straight, but I won't because it could hurt my chances of custody if it comes to that.

I called him on the phone to let him know what to expect if her and I went to divorce, but that was shortly after D-day a few months ago.

Since things seem to be going to get a lot tougher, I guess it's a good thing that I'm to the point where I'm not as concerned if I do something that makes her mad or not huh?

How in God's name is trying to save your family from this infestation a threat to your custody? The infestation is the cause of all this to begin with!!!!! This should have nothing at all to do with custody. It really has no bearing at all. Sounds like you have a wuss for a lawyer. You need to get in this POS's face and rip him a new one!

You're fighting for your wife, your family, and your life!

Sweet Jesus, divorce lawyers suck. Feel free to tell him I said so. What a [censored]!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TW,

I completely agree with you, but as bad as I want to pay him a visit (and believe me I do more than anything) I can't chance doing ANYTHING that might have any chance to jeopardize my custody chances if my WW doesn't get her head out of her ____.

The one thing that I would LOVE to do, I can't. But the reason I can't is WAY more important to me than my WW or my marriage and that reason is my kids.

If I come out the other side of this with nothing but them, I will have still won in my mind.

Yes you have my friend, yes you have.

HOW would confronting this POS homewrecker face to face jeopardize anything?

And don't tell me because your lawyer said so or I'll be forced to cyber [censored] slap you. And if you go seeking other's opinions on this board to refute what I'm suggesting, then you'll probably hear the same thing.

BrainHurts, where's that clip on confronting the OM? I see you're online now and could use the help.

The only reason that I can think of is that it could be considered "threatening" which cold be twisted by my WW lawyer to show that I might have a"mean streak" that could jeopardize the safety of the kids.

TW, know that I have had to have people talk me out of going MULTIPLE times. There is nothing that I would like to do more than have a man to man talk with him to help him see the errors of his ways, but if there even the slightest possibility that it could hurt my potential custody I won't even entertain the idea.

Every fiber of my being has been dying to go see him. What makes it even harder is that he works just around the corner from me.

TW,

I need to try to get some sleep. I'm not abandoning your discussion. I'll definitely be back on here tomorrow.

Hope everyone has a great night.

Tomorrow is another day...

Well, I think you are making a massive, MASSIVE mistake, but it's your life and your marriage...not mine.

Get some rest pal and hang in there.

TW,

I hear what you're saying, but what do I do? I WANT to go see him but I would be a fool to take a chance with my kids' custody just to get one face to face discussion with a no good waste of matter.

I really do get what you're saying, but I don't think I'm willing to take that chance.

One more thing and then I'm signing off....

It makes it even more tempting because I honestly think it would have a major effect on him if I were to show up to meet him somewhere.

One more thing too though is that I'm not completely convinced that he knows that my WW is still pursuing him. Can't swear to that but I want to say that she's smart enough to know that if she has been keeping in touch with him, I would use that in the divorce.

The affair is definitely not over but I'm not sure that it's anything other than in her head right now. I think she expected me to just sign over everything when she filed so she could go pursue him. She was the pursuer when it was going on before she left for good. He wasn't pursuing her.

I'll read the replies to this tomorrow cause I'm sure there will be plenty. Maybe even a few beatings because of my comments about her being smart enough not to be communicating with him. It was just a guess...because everyone knows that she's not been making very smart decisions anywhere else lately. So why should I think she would make a smart decision when it comes to the POSOM, right?

lfh, just who the hell is telling you this nonsense? HOW could fighting like hell for your family EVER be construed as a detriment to getting custody? Seems to me it would be an act love to preserve your family unit. If I'm a judge, and looking on the outside looking in, I would be inclined to grant judgment to the one that fought the most to preserve what was right. You're not the one that left the house...she did. She moved out..right? Not you. You're not the one that doesn't even want to try and reconstruct your marriage, she is. This is all documented, and admissible in a court of law if it comes to it.

I don't get your line of reasoning at all.

Do you really want this POS to be the potential new step-father of your children?

Chew on that one for a little while. Yeah, I know I can be harsh, and even a little bit crude.

But I'll never be accused of not telling it like it is.

lfh will be meeting that scumbag face to face: IN COURT WHEN THAT RAT IS SUBPOENAED TO GIVE TESTIMONY ABOUT HIS AFFAIR UNDER OATH! It doesn't get any sweeter than that!

Can't wait until the OM is served and told he has to bring his emails, cell phone records, etc to court under discovery!

Ohhhh, I can't wait either. I just can't fathom not getting in this guy's face. I guess that's just me.

Early on in my marriage, my wife was having inappropriate phone conversations with a guy who was a mutual "friend." She confessed to me what happened. The next day I paid him a visit at his office. Told him to stay away and threatened him. He played dumb. Never saw the snake again and he backed off.

I was young and doubted my actions, and so did some of my friends at the time. But now I know I did the right thing. My wife appreciated it too.

I never understand why people don't confront the other man. Maybe I'm just too old fashioned.

TW and JT3,

I don't think you understand how strongly I agree with what you want me to do. I mean, I would have already gone to see him if someone hadn't brought up the point about custody. Then, when my lawyer advised me not to do it, I got a little more concerned about doing it.

Here's where I am with this: I would love nothing more than to do what you (TW) and JT3 are suggestion and as I said, I have had to have my friends keep me from doing it on multiple occasions. Even if the info about affecting custody is a total rumor, I CAN'T take a chance with that. If it means giving up everything I have (marriage, money, material possessions) to be able to get custody with my kids then I will without ANY hesitation.

Now don't take that as though I have any fear at all in regards to the POSOM because that would be the farthest thing from the truth. I just value my kids much more than any gratification I would get from going to see him.