[quote=Caracal][We all often comment on how standing up and fighting for our marriages and family shows strength. I also think us BS's perseverence to survive the down days, to grieve, is strength as well. A wayward does not allow themselves to feel, to mourn, to grieve. They just keep seeking any fix to keep the high going.

Know that you are dealing with the fallout of infidelity. You will be better for it. Your WH, hmmm, any signs he is dealing with it? I think not.

Self-deception is not a plan. Leave WH fumbling for the next hit. With Plan B, you will learn to focus on you and recover.quote]

Agreed, grieving and survival takes strength too. You have the courage to face this, Pinoke lacks the courage or strength to do this, he is only interested in the selfish instant gratification. You are the one who will come out on top, you have the strength to fight and survive, you feel find peace and happiness b/c you have the strength to do this.

Thanks, Happy. Yes, I love that quote by Caracal, and the thoughts you added. I needed to hear them, and be reminded of them.

Long story. Don't want to post it all right now. Lying a bit low. But there is much at stake and going on with more "kids" battle. Everyone praying worked before, so if any of you have any prayers left in you - I could use a few more tomorrow.

Thanks:)

Update us when u can rainy...

Thanks for the prayers, Caracal:) I will.

D is final. Went through so fast my head is still spinning. So strange after spending so long trying to avoid this. A blessing, because pinoke tried to contest it but was too late - can't fight me over custody and support issues now. Still sad, and he doesn't have to pay what he verbally agreed to. But at least there is some financial obligation and he was too late to drag it out in court for 5 years. Just to think that I'm divorced after 22 years of marriage (he came into my life when I was 15, got married when I was 19) is surreal. It is heartbreaking for me, but then I look at what he's become, and what other option is there?

He is trying to fight the PO and get parent time. Told me if I "screwed with the affair" he would come after the kids. How does a parent use their own children in this way? They have been so relieved that he's gone, since they knew I won the PO, that I'm not telling them he's trying to fight it. Other issues there, as well - long story. His influence is just very bad on the kids. Best thing is for them to be as far away from his as possible.

His attorney claims the "parent time" is still open to interpretation, as long as he is not threatening or abusive. But he IS threatening, abusive, and MANIPULATIVE - worst one. I don't want to fight and just prays he will let us all go in peace. He does not want his children, or have any genuine interest in their lives. It's just the last way to get to me. Saddest thing ever, but true.

Praying for A of A suit to come through, hoping that slams it all down so I can take care of my kids, and pinoke and rodent will go away. Last resort, I guess. Hoped it would be done yesterday, but lawyer said he needs a few more days.

That's what I need prayers for - get that through, get this resolved and over with, and move on peacefully with my children with enough money to support them.

Thanks for the prayers!

<~~~ A BIG one!



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The court will not care if you hold the opinion "But he IS threatening, abusive, and MANIPULATIVE - worst one." The court will require evidence. Document evidence as factually as possible. Leave out any opinion/interpretation/emotional embellishments.

I'm so sorry it's come to this sad ending.

There have been many MB examples of the stupid wayward coming back to the marriage - after the A has exploded excrement all over their face. Time will tell.

rainy. I'm sorry that D was not how you wanted it to end, but happy he can't abuse you anymore.

Good luck on the A of A lawsuit. Sending up for you.

You need to go celebrate with your kids even if it's to the park for some ice cream.

Your kids know the truth and will have so much respect for you.

I remember when I was going through this with my XWH. My DS22 (he was DS15 at the time) said "mom there's something not right with dad".

to you my friend.

rainy, I am sad about your divorce, but relieved at the same time. You have lived through holy hell for years and now you have an opportunity to move onto a new chapter in life. A chapter that can be happy and peaceful without all the drama of the sick, demented waywards. I am happy that you have this opportunity now, my friend.

Rainy it must be so weird to have such a swift D after all these years. Its such an adjustment.

But honestly it is a blessing.

I'm thinking of you all. Be very nice to yourself right now.

Pepper, Brain, Melody, and Indie -

Thanks, girls:) Appreciate the hugs, the support, the encouragement, the empathy, and the prayers.

Definitely something "not right" with Dad.

It is a relief. Sad, but I can't control his choices, only deal with them in the healthiest way possible for me and my kids. We are working on getting the yard in today, and doing okay. Going to see fireworks tonight for our city celebration.

That'll be fun.

Wishing you the best as you go through this new path. Enjoy the fireworks with your kids!

Thanks, KA. If my A of A case doesn't fix things, you're my back-up plan:) Hope that's still ok? It's brought me a lot of comfort that there may still be other avenues if this one doesn't work.

oh rainy, i'm so sorry about your D. my goodness, that was swift! even *my* head is spinning.

but it is a good thing that you are free from the mess, the drama, the horribleness of it all. free to move on with your life.

i am hoping that your AA suit gains traction. some may say that these are archaic laws; i say bring 'em back! we have so little that supports marriage in our society, and we need all the help we can get. predatory, terrible women *should* have to pay for purposely destroying a family unit.

i hope you stick around, rainy, as a role model for others facing the same thing. besides, i'd miss ya!

counting down till summer holidays for you. we have 3 weeks to go for our winter holiday (2 week) break. not that i'm Xing the calendar or anything ;-)

Been unable to get on the computer for a while, but I've been lurking (Turns out a plain old Kindle can handle MB just fine).

It's good that you've been able to get the D, though it is sad, too.

Do exactly as Pep says--note everything that he says/does, good or bad. It'll definitely help!

Thanks, Letty and Karma. I'm not going anywhere.

Went to church, then worked on the yard with the kids all day. We have to get the yard in by next Saturday or be fined.

I have survived the worst nightmares the last 3 weeks, but I've been defeated by a big fat field rat - ewwww! So GROSS! I hate rodents so much! I guess you all know that.

So I'm inside now, more than done with the yard for today. While my boys are chasing the rat with shovels and d-con. Hmmmmm . . .

That's the scream I heard all the way across the valley?

I didn't know that OW was in town? Did you stomp on "IT"??

You were not defeated by the rat.

She deserves a secretive, lying, cheating......wayward dude.

You win. It may not feel like it. You are the victorious one.

It was a REAL rat, Reading. Not even a mouse, a freaking rat. I'm a little phobic. They dug up the field next to my house. Yuck, yuck, yuck! You're right - rodent deserves exactly what she's getting. A lying, cheating wayward. It will be funny when she starts uncovering all the lies he's told her.

Rodent's niece sent me a sweet fb message that she saw my new profile pic (took down the family one, since the D is final). She said it was "gorgeous" and that pinoke is an "idiot" to leave me for rodent:) Made me kinda happy. So there, little wooden man. Keep your rodent who holds your marbles in a box.

Brain, that is most definitely the scream you heard. So sorry to interrupt your peaceful Sunday evening. You are hilarious. "IT" is not in town - at least as far as I know. I would looove to STOMP on it! I am contemplating putting said adventurous boys on a plane to NY, shovels and rat poison in hand. Or perhaps you would like to drive them in the big ol' truck, just in case they need back-up? Now that could be fun. Maybe I'll come along.

Oh, I am evil. I must stop.

We could make a trip to NY in my big ol truck!

Road trip!!

Is it illegal to send a dead animal through the mail as a gift to another animal/rodent?

OMG! That is sooo funny! Should we? Tie it up in pink ribbons and let her open the disgusting thing? "Metaphor for you, all the way, sweet pea."

Wow. You made my night, Brain. I just can't stop laughing now.