Faith, How was your weekend? My H and I spent a wonderful weekend together, So I was wondering about yours!

Hey RainieB!<BR>I'm glad you and your H had a great weekend. Well nothing really happened for me. Although I think we made a little headway, he mentioned something he would like to plan for a getaway, get this its a Hunting/Casino package. I know I had to smile myself. I don't mind though, I don't really hunt and I don't really gamble but I am willing to do anything with him at this point. So we are looking in to the package and makeing plans. So I guess something did go well after all.<P> I didn't do well this weekend on snooping. I didn't really find anything solid, so it should make me feel better but it doesn't. He was very careful about clearing the calls off his cell phone. I know I shouldn't have checked but I couldn't help it. Something he said to me didn't sound kosher so of course it made me uneasy. But I'm better today than yesterday. We did have a couple of special moments this weekend, and I know I need to concentrate on those. <P>You know, you hear things that are similar but sometimes when said different they impact differently. I read this in a book yesterday, "God can heal your broken heart as long as you give him all the pieces!" I know I can't fix my marriage, or h to be exact, but I know God can if I trust him. I know its' His will for our marriage to be solid and wonderful again, I just have to remember that He has the power to do it. It's hard to let go and let God but at this point in my marriage anything I do to try to fix it has to be done within myself, I don't want to run him off. <P>If he is still doing anything he shouldn't be then God will deal with his heart. I need to step back now and be the w he needs me to be. <P>Keep us in your prayers as you are in mine, and keep me posted as how things are going with you. I enjoy sharing with you. <BR>Much Love, Faith

Faith,<BR>I felt the same way. I could not be the person my husband fell in love with. I kept looking at him funny all the time, and questioning him. Once in a while I still slip up. Like yesterday, he got his phone bill. I did not want to open it, so I squeezed the envelope to see how much it was.<BR>It was up to $93.00.<P>Right away I made an association. Of course you say to yourself..."when he was calling her it was $200.00, maybe hes starting again".<P>Now, because I did that, I was in a very weird mood last night. I finally reasoned with myself. I know he calls me from the phone alot too. Sometimes he will call me, when he leaves work and we will talk until he gets all the way home, which is about 20 minutes.<P>I also keep telling myself. My husband loves me more than anything in this world, he will not be so stupid again, to risk loosing me.<P>Then I felt better.<P>I hate to say this over and over again, however, if it was not for the paxil, I would not control those thoughts.<P>At least now I am the person my husband fell in love with.<P>He is himself now... he tell me things that he used to tell me..<BR>That he loves me, I am part of him, I am sexy, I am cute..etc.<P>This is constant reassurance for me. He is also not vague when he tells me where he is. He behaves normal now, so that should be fine.<P>Now is he talking to her? Who knows. I am just hoping I scared him when I threatened to leave him. <P>If I ever found our he did it again, I will tell him, "goodbye, you want her that much, maybe you should live with her, and let her cook and clean and do you laundry for her".<P>Rainie B...<BR>talk soon