I don't think Dr. Harley talks a lot about these kinds of problems. He is a behavioral psychologist. His approach just about always centers around changing behavior, which sets it apart from just about everything else out there. The rest of the field seems obsessed with "figuring out why I do this" and "resolve my issues of the past," etc. Sometimes he'll suggest a medication or something that he knows corrects a specific problem, but never does he tell people that they need to just work at feeling different. In fact, he says that that approach generally leads to misery, particularly for women.

Aerie/NewCreation,

and anyone else!

BrainHurts is a great example of someone who has become an expert in many, many elements of Dr. Harley's approach by listening to the radio program and digging through the archives. I don't think there has been a single thread in the last six months where BrainHurts hasn't been there giving us a link to a radio show in the archives so we can here exactly what Dr. Harley says about exactly that specific situation.

I'll bet anything that BrainHurts can list dozens of scenarios that Dr. Harley has covered on the radio show, along with his specific advice, that he hasn't covered in any book or article.

Anyone can do this, and it's free.

I just don't get that Dr. Harley, giving away free counseling every single week day.

He must make it all up in volume, or something.

Thank you Markos.

I definitely find the radio show priceless.

When I read someone's question's I will go find one of the shows I remember that relates. I want to share it all the time.

I even emailed the Harleys about a certain show if I'm having a hard time finding it and they respond straight away.

I used to listen to music all the time but now I listen to MB radio(no I do not receive any kind of compensation from the Harleys).

Aha! Your secret is finally out.

I never thought of doing that.


I had some podcast I used to listen to faithfully. I haven't heard it in over two years.

I knew that would give my secret away. Dang. My gig is up.

NC, I am struggling with what to write, but feel compelled to say something.

I read your NC post about what to expect an affairage. I read it early into Plan B, shortly after D Day. I gained HOPE from your post.

I did not read your Aerie thread. I have no wish to. You have admitted to deception now. I appreciate your admission. However, it does not absolve you of lying for your own benefit.

Exactly as my WH did. And countless others reading here.

Heres where I have trouble with your posting. Not that you are trying to recover an affairage. But that you admitted an affairage, posted about warning all OW off affairages due to the consequences, and then proceeded to lie to us so you could gain support for your affairage and YOURSELF as YOU want to save this marriage.

It again becomes all about you. Not about the betrayed or now the anonymous betrayed who have read your thread and believed your words and remorse. Just YOU.

Just as most WS's think. And show. By WORDS, and ACTIONS. As you have.

I hope others are further along than I, and can offer support. I know in other areas, I offer support for people to rehabilitate and atone. I just can't do it with you, where I am so raw, and where you have so blatently misled me.

NC, th reason I post this is because your original thread offered me some comfort. I am no longer sure it does. However, you also seek help / critique from MB, not other forums where you know they coddle you.

You have done us wrong. Own it. I hope some others continue to post, but know that you need to earn it.

Because of who I hope you can be (and who I hope you have shown glimpses of), please contact the Harleys online.

NC, I remember your very first post under your original name, and I remember being impressed by the depth of your remorse. But here's the thing: this is an anonymous board full of folks whose spouses cheated on them. It is difficult for many to read posts from someone who could very well be the person who ruined their life by having an affair with their spouse.

It is difficult for me to help you because of this issue. Although my marriage recovered from my husband's affair, I can't get past the fact that I am equating YOU with the OW in my sitch. And I certainly would not be interested in helping her in any way, especially with marital issues. Hell, I wouldn't even help her across the street if she had two broken legs. (Well...maybe I'd get her about halfway across... )

My suggestion to you would be to counsel with the Harleys and continue reading here. There is a wealth of knowledge to be gained, as I'm sure you know.

And don't make up any more fake screen names.