Logan,

May I ask how your situation turned out?

So I'm to understand that as long as my WW is "fogged up" she can be the meanest, nastiest, most cruel person on the planet that pretty much hates my guts and could care less if she ever sees me again...

BUT

when and if the fog ever breaks and lifts, she will (or can) be a loving, caring, giving person that will (or might) want to be with me and rebuild our marriage?

Because, it's pretty hard to see that being true right now. It's hard to fathom that this person that would rather (it appears) see me fall of the face of the earth and that sees me as the enemy, ever wanting to be with me again.

And how can the things that are done during her foggyness not cause scars to her or me? Most importantly her. I'm pretty sure she views many of the things I'm doing to try to repair this as being mean toward her. Will those things stick with her or will they fade as she comes out of the fog?

Have you read these?
Wayward fog disassembled and decoded
FEMALE fog disassembled and decoded
NEVER take the word of a wayward

Also, how's that letter to Dr. H coming along?

PR

Post Recovery?

I looked up the acronym and didn't see it. Sorry.

Logan, if it's a bad subject or out of line question, you don't have to answer.

I was asking in a sincere way, not for any other reason.

Does anyone know where on the forum I need to go to write a letter to Dr. Harley?

Personal recovery.

Just so you understand.........I was probably the most foggiest BS there ever was...you named it i did it, denied, foot dragged, even lied to the board.......it took me 7 months to go from plan A to plan B......this was 13 months after DD. They say men should plan A for up to 6 months, women 2 to 3 weeks. Guess what? I did plan A 1 year, yep 12 months longer than i should have. My point to you......pull you boots on, walk thru the crap with your head held high because it is going to really stink bad what you have to walk through.....and stop worrying about getting your socks dirty.

And as one who sprained his foot kicking LR in her....reservations....it is clear that her new "ownership" of her own situation, which is headed to Plan D, is important to the "self" she will bring to her new life.

Dude, "Halley's Comet" still ain't here; it probably ain't getting here anytime soon. How LFH approaches his new life (like a whipped puppy, or full of LR grit) is the major question still unanswered.

NG probably had to increase his blood pressure meds for a bit, but he did invent some new curse words

This is what you do.

Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com

Remember this post lfh? You posted this roughly 3 months ago when you first came here. I cut it down to the pertinent parts, but I hope you get the drift.


You wrote this, not me. These are your words, not mine. Do you still believe in this train of thought? Regrettably, it would appear so. That truly does sadden me for you.

Everything that you have believed to be true has been proven wrong every step of the way....systematically. Don't feel bad about that one though, it happens all the time around here, so you're not in the minority. It's human nature to trust the one you love. No one will fault you for that, least of all me.

There is one that is bothering me though. I had assumed that your reluctance to confront the POS was due to advice given by your lawyer. You said something in one post that indicated that this advice wasn't from your lawyer, but from someone else. Did I read this wrong, did you mistype, or are you just not telling us everything?

Point blank: Who exactly did you get this advice from to not confront that POS that you seem to view as some holy nugget of marital wisdom?

If I misread, or misinterpreted, then my apologies.

TW,

I do remember posting that. I do hold to the fact that this forum knows her current state better than I do...by far. I have come to see that her behavior that I do know better than anyone here has been overtaken by her current state of mind (or mindeless-ness).

I also cannot and do not deny that I have been proven wrong on many, many occasions. That is definitely no secret here. Me and my "case" on this forum will probably be put in the "here's what NOT to do" hall of fame.

Now, as to what point you're getting to with quoting me in that post, I'm not sure. My current issues/dilemmas don't really have anything to do with whether I think I know her better than y'all because I know I don't right right now. As a matter of fact, her actions and reactions are either the exact opposite of what I expect or they are completely un-predicatable (at least by me).

Now, in response to the confronting the POS and custody matter. My lawyer as well as everyone in my support circle of friends (besides my friends on the forum here) tell me that it might affect custody in some way.

Keep in mind that I do not view this advice as a holy nugget. I view it as having "potential" to affect something that means more to me than ANY marriage I will ever be involved in. Do I KNOW it's true to any extent...NO. Do I believe what I'm being told here on the forum that in your experience it has never affected custody...YES. The problem is that I don't know and the fear of the POSSIBILITY of it having ANY effect on the future of me and my kids is something that I'm not sure is worth the risk.

Blast me for that all you want, I don't care. When it comes to my kids, I'll not play around. As I said in the other post about this, I will walk away from her and not even look back if it means more time with my kids...period.

Now, would I like to know FOR SURE...YES. If I knew for sure in general and in my specific circumstances that confronting the POS would not have anything to do with my custody, I'd do so in a heartbeat. This may just boil down to fear of the unknown or fear of uncertainty for me, but that fear is enough for me to "skip this step" of confronting the POS and let the subpoena be the next step (which I think is all it will take with this weasel).

I do understand the significance of my confronting him, but I hope everyone can see my viewpoint even if you don't agree and think I'm a moron regarding it. I'm still talking to people and lawyers about it and am still contemplating it, but I won't chance jeopardizing custody in any way.

If this thought process causes me to lose my marriage then so be it, but my kids mean much more to me than anything else.

And TW...no apology necessary.

I sincerely hope it works out for you.

Best of luck.

TW,

I appreciate you trying to be tough on me, but if you are too blind to understand how important my kids are then I don't need any more of your advice.

I do not deny what I am told on this forum. I do have a hard time accepting, admitting and implementing many times. But for someone to try to tell me that I shouldn't be concerned about whether something might affect custody with my kids offends me VERY much.

I don't know what else to say to you other than if you can't understand my concern in regards to my kids then just refrain from "giving me any more advice".

Thank you.

How's the letter coming?

Good morning BrainHurts,

I've been working on the letter but can't decided what all to put in it without writing a novel.

Just keep in mind.

Working the MB plan will give you your best shot at marital recovery.

Working with the lawyer will give you your best outcome for divorce.

You still need to protect yourself with the lawyer.

LR,

I understand that...really.

But, am I supposed to take that kind of chance? If I confront the POS and this goes onto divorce and it DOES affect my custody in some way...I lose everything.