THANK YOU!

Yes it means butterfly. Thanks for sharing your letter with me. It's great to hear input from others going through similar situations and problems.

Yes, I guess having company thru the tough times is a close 2nd to not having any tough times to begin with!

Thought it was time to update here. Things have been going along okay. Bumps here and there when we've gotten off plan or gone without getting in enough UA time.

Our latest major bump is DH lost his job again last week. He was fired for being late to work. A consistent problem for him because he often oversleeps no matter how loud or many alarms it seems he has tried using. Days that I am there I am able to make sure he wakes up on time, but we haven't found a good solution for days I'm not and this was a day I had already left for work.


We're both worried about the lack of money that we will soon be dealing with living off just my income which will not be able to cover all of the bills. We had a discussion that started to get a little heated, but we stopped and took a break before it became a fight and then revisited it after a bit. He is willing to take any job that comes his way like he did with this last one. He says as a temporary thing to have money that should trump whether it really is one we'd both be happy for him to have so he had started to get upset. After we revisited I said for temporary okay, but it would depend when the job opportunity came up what other factors may be and if all of it was one we could both agree on for even temporary. He said he could agree with that and he wouldn't take one without talking it over with me first which is what I had been worried he was saying before he got upset.

We also discussed moving back home and living with family until we were back on our feet. I really love the area we live in now and the 2 hour distance separating us from any family drama. That area is small with little there for us and our DD. I would really miss living where we are, my friends, the places, etc. It was getting late so we didn't end up getting into it much. DH has never been too happy living here specifically, but does like all the things we have here for us and DD. Jobs that he qualifies for and that would pay well are very slim right now so the lack of enough income may temporarily cause us to have to consider it.

What his plan to stop being late to work? If he has a chronic problem with tardiness he needs to get a handle on this.

I don't know and we hadn't really gotten into it discussing it yet. He hasn't found a replacement job yet even though a few prospects do sound promising.

I'm at a loss at what else may help. He had been doing well on mornings when he'd fallen asleep at a decent time and slept well, but he has a lot of trouble with insomnia and then his schedule and routine gets thrown off.

He's seen a doctor who sent him for a sleep study. They found he just has mild sleep apnea and recommended repeating one in a few years to see if it has worsened to the point he'd need a CPAP. DH is opposed to sleeping meds and the doctor didn't want to start him on any right away if other changes could help instead.

In crisis and need help. Somehow things have unraveled to the point where DH is ready and planning to leave. I think he is serious.

He says things for him are not getting better. He feels he is a burden on me now for having to rely on my income and feels by staying he is just using me. He feels we are incompatible, always have been and he doesn't see that changing.

As this has gotten to this point I have verified without a doubt that he is not cheating. He very rarely goes anywhere alone and when he does I have been able to verify he was there and to reach him anytime. He doesn't get on his computer much to do anything except watch movies and job hunting. The only phone usage is to play a few apps on his phone and occasional texts to his guy friends.

What brought this on I think has been the lack of job and funds has been weighing on us. There has been very little really quality UA time and none outside of home. We have both reverted to some bad habits and had some really bad fights. Yes, I know I helped put us here.

I need help getting out of this mess. What do I do? I know if I can't keep him from leaving it will be that much harder to get him to come back. He says maybe we just need a break and we could work on things while living separately, but from being here and my own feelings I don't think that is best. That is just probably gonna push us further away.

What should I do to convince him to stay. I know the discussions on convincing him to fully try MB with me and how I know if we both do it we can turn this around and basic trying to talk him out of leaving is just making it probably worse. So I have decided no more of that, but what do I do instead?

If he does just up and leave because I won't discuss the logistics of him leaving what do I do? He keeps trying to work out a separation and I have been telling him I won't discuss that, but he says he still will and I'm just making it more difficult. So if he does just leave how should I handle that?

Was hoping my lack of notifications was wrong and I'd check in to find a bunch of help. No luck. DH is here but I gather he'll just leave if we don't work out a separation. It's leading to him just getting more frustrated with me because he says by not working with him on this I am just reinforcing that it's only my way and about what I want. I'm at a loss. All I know is to pull myself in check and Plan A him to prove its worth it. I'm having difficulty doing that.

It hurts and I want to save this. I think I'm pushing more though than pulling back. I guess I need to remind myself that he is still here and he can still change his mind and my actions will be the only thing that help that.

Can you afford the online program or MB coaching?