Every excuse you bring up why it won't work for you to LEAVE WITH THE KIDS, yes the grown ones too if they're willing, but at least the ones under 18, is just that. An excuse.

You haven't mentioned a single thing yet that is more important than your own life or that of your kids.

Not one.

My church know what I'm going through. We don't attend regularly so I don't feel comfortable asking them for anything. I've tried look for pro bono lawyers but no luck. I do make good money and too much for them to take me bass on my income. They don't look at your expenses. I'm still looking. Even if a good lawyer could do a reasonable payment arrangement but none was to. The all want like a 2000$ retainer which I don't have

My WH will leave. This is my house not his. He has no rights to it. He wouldn't fight me for it. I just called the court to see what my court date is to have it restored to docket and it's scheduled for June 26. Things are moving forward. He threatened me before yes. He has never been physically violent. Just mentally abusive with his actions of infidelity. He did hit me once 19 years ago. He punches me on my thigh because my now 20 year old was crying. She was my first and very spoilled. She wouldn't fall asleep unless you held her to sleep. I was trying to get her use to falling asleep on her own. Took three days to get her out of the habit but the first night WH got upset and punched me on my thigh and left a bruise. Told him that he better make sure that is the first and last time he EVER lays a hand on me. He never did again. Maybe it sound like excuses but I'm really not. I'm more afraid of what he will do when we are NOT together than what he does while we still are. That is more scary to me

Her kids are 14 16 19 and 20.
You do not need to be present during his time with them.
And you do not need to facilitate him being their father.
Its up to HIM to arrange time with them.

Please get this filed before he spends ALL of his retirement account. You are entitled to half of these assets -- don't let him drain those accounts paying for his affairs. Get your money to fix your barn and your porch.

When he wasn't living here he would come and see the kids when I was at work. He would go through the house and the kids didn't stop him from going through my things. When he would make plans to spend time with the kids he would not set times. I would go out and spent time with my mom and sister and I would have to come home to take them here and there because he wouldn't do it. He said he wasn't going to babysit or drive the kids around so I could go out even it I was just with family.

My kids are #1. They are my main concern. If it wasn't for them I would have ended this marriage a long time ago.

If your kids were your number 1 concern you would have left him by now. You need to take care of them! Who will protect them from your H if you don't?

He has threatened to kill.

Do you know what will happen if he follows through on that? He won't go after you--he seems to enjoy hurting you--he will go after your kids.

Please, for their sakes--end this now.

That's whiny crap that waywards say. Ignore it. Frenchie, if you feel unsafe you need to ACT, not REact.

Lawyer-up, friend. You'd be surprised. You will not be left destitute.

Then you can afford the initial fees that an attorney will charge. Have you looked into this? The initial consultation is usually FREE.

Don't throw up your hands because the process sounds hard. Steel yourself to do whatever it takes to protect the interests of yourself and your children. You all deserve it.

I have. they want a retainer of 1500.00 which I don't have or can just save up. I am trying to

Keep looking. You should be able to talk to an attorney for free.

I did meet with one in July for free but she wasn't willing to work out a payment arrangement for me at all. so frustrating!

But what did she TELL you? Where else have you gone? I work frequently with attorneys, and they always offer a free consultation. When we were threatened by OM in my sitch, we met with an attorney who never charged us for our consultation.

Have you pursued legal help?

I just went for that one consultation. She told me that I needed to file quick before he spends a 401k check he was getting. I filed right away myself. Never met with her again because I didn't have the money. He still spent it foolishly and when I went to court the mediator didn't do anything. He wasn't goig to have to pay any of it to me. Not fair at all. I've been searching online to night for some free legal aid and have found nothing. Can't find any pro bono lawyers either.

if you make good money, you will not get a pro-bono lawyer. it's time to break out a new visa card, because sorting this is more important than anything else going on right now. and your WH will surely be surprised when he's told he has to pay you 50% of his 401K! this is why you need competent legal advice. he acts like he has the freedom to spend your money. he doesn't. you need to get a leash on that right now. protect yourself and your children. he still has to pony up the dough, and the court is how you get him to.

even here, in nz, where NOTHING is free (for instance, if you need a tradesman, you will even pay his gas to get to your house), i saw my own lawyer AND the divorce lawyer he recommended free of charge for consultations. whatever you spend now will save you in the long run.

frenchie, we have all been where you are. afraid to rock the boat, because he might leave. afraid to get legal advice, because that might mean a divorce. afraid to do ANYTHING, because that makes it, in all its terrible awfulness, "real." but frenchie, your WH is going to do whatever he wants, and you can't stop that. you can only control yourself, and protect yourself and your kids. you need to stop swallow the fear and get going on a *plan* to do this. put yourself in the driver's seat. it makes the fear go away.

Letty's right, Frenchie. The fear lessens as you feel it and move right through it anyway. Kind of like heading into thick black fog. It starts to thin out once you get going. Sure beats standing there on the edge, in the dark, terrified of what's in there and never getting to the other side.

Get moving! Baby steps are okay as long as you're moving.

WH an I were talking today. Got into an arguement on how he's giving me everything I want and being the man I want but that I'm not giving anything in return. He does't get that what he did now terrible it was and the effect it has on me. He expect things to be normal, well I can't act normal like nothing has happened. I told him he needs to go to counseling and get himself straightened out because no one cheats on his wife, has sex with prostitutes and has sex with his half-sister and is normal.

Even when we were going to marriage counseling the counselor told him he needed to get some individual counseling, that he has a problem. He is so sure that he has no problem and the only problem is that I don't have sex enough with him. why would I want to have sex with him when he's hurt me so bad??? that's not inviting to me.

He told me to make him an appointment and he will go. Why do I have to do that. Why can't he take the initiative and do it??? If he cared enough he would. I told him I feel we are always going to be where we are right now because he doesn't want to get help. what is it going to take for him to see that? So frustrated with him.

Your WH is trying to blame you and that's typical from a wayward. He's following the wayward script. The Harleys will say "there may be reasons for an affair but never excuses".

Do not engage in his fights. How is the lawyer coming along?

Please read Craziest things to come out of a wayward's piehole
Never take the word of a Wayward

I haven't called any today. He was around. I think I'll be able to make some tomorrow.