good advice. we should all stop talking about WH and the skank, and focus on rainy and her plan b recovery.

what are you doing today, rainy? i imagine your nails are naked, with all the yard work going on!

True - no nails. Zoo field trip today with my students, and trying to finish the yard, so not much point. I'll get to them after this is done:)

I know Plan B is dark, and I admit it brings me some guilty pleasure to know rodent is finally bearing some tiny bit of suffering, after all she's put everyone else through. Exposure and the website cost me a lot - not nearly as much as the affair did - but there's some comfort in knowing that maybe it hit its mark. Especially since pinoke is still withholding support. I will go to work on recovery services after I get the yard done - my attorney told me it's a lengthy process. Truthfully, I hope the a of a lawsuit will inspire him to just sign an agreement on direct depositing my money, and complying with the PO without argument - leaving the kids alone - so I can just be done without more battle. That is my prayer.

I feel like I can't go TOTALLY dark - as in they never enter my thoughts or whatever - until I have the CS and PO issues resolved.

Grateful for all the continuing prayers offered on my behalf.

And that is what Pinoke is counting on... drawing out the contact, keeping you a part of his life in some perverse way.

You have to do the legalities to protect yourself and your kids. Don't allow pinoke to hamper your Plan B healing any more than the time it takes to email / phone your solicitor etc. That is what you are paying your solicitor for.

I am now trying to schedule a certain time each week when I allow myself to deal with the legalities. Otherwise, I find myself obsessing, trying to anticipate his responses.

The legalities are hard to deal with in Plan B. It IS a crack. We have to minimise those cracks as best we can, stop them from spreading into a full-blown crevice. Yeah, experience talking here.

There will be some light of course. Just knowing he hasn't approached your IM with repentance is knowledge of some kind.

Plus what you're saying about legal proceedings is true too. The procedures cast light on what is happening with the waywards.

Even IM messages,from a good IM disrupt you somewhat. That's why I keep mine to a minimum.

The key is to keep it all as official as possible. Only through lawyers, only through IMs. You don't want any second or third hand reports from friends and family about ANYTHING. Make sure your legal reps don't hassle you for nothing either (or his)

Your WH isn't really desperate yet. To break Plan B, I mean. In a strange way the website will have met some needs. Its clear you care and are fighting for the M. He will feel loved on some level, which is all very Plan A.

In Plan B, when the BS steps out and disappears, the Wayward slowly becomes starved of that feeling. That's when they realise OW is a side dish that does not satisfy.

That's when they ALL (yes 100 per cent) try to break Plan B. This does not mean they are repentant. It just means they want a)to blame the BS, and for that they need her around b)to cake eat or c) get their marriage back for ENs without having to do any hard work to make amends and create safety.

When this happens the wayward will BOMBARD your enemies and supporters alike with messages to pass on to you. Unless prepared for it your supporters will get messages designed to shake them up and make them feel they must 'warn' you.

If the message grenade is passed on, best case scenario is you don't respond but it sets your healing back to square one. Worst case scenario it angers/tempts you into contact and voila, the wayward gets to be rid of that nasty starved, 'no one loves me' feeling. While the BS is headed for a nervous breakdown.

Its easier to just coach everyone now into silence. Get them used to the phrase: 'whatever it is: I don't want to hear it'

My family were super keen on 'warning' me. At one point I considered wearing a 'shush' sandwich board and ringing a bell.

Now they see the benefit of my decision. No matter what he threatens/does/doesnt do - it won't affect me. They have stopped worrying and it doesn't affect them.

Let the lawyers handle it.

I appreciate the wisdom, Cara and Indie. Thanks.

You are doing just great, Rainy. So very proud of you!

Agree!! Even the sun seems brighter here in Utah!

Thanks, Melody and Brain. Yeah, the sun's out. Almost there.

Pinoke is fighting to see the kids, to have the PO revoked or re-interpreted or something. I guess the upside is he has completely robbed what was left of my love bank by his horrific behavior the last few weeks.

A of A letter going out tomorrow. One again - prayers greatly appreciated!

Much gratitude to all of you. And have I mentioned that I have an AMAZING IM?

Can you give us details about the A of A? Does it go to the OW? Is it a lawsuit?


She is a tiger!!

At this point, it is a demand letter, with a copy of pending lawsuit attached, and a 10-day window in which to settle it. Also includes a warning not to dispose of or delete anything that could be potential evidence - lists everything we will subpoena. Pretty sweet list.

Attorney did an awesome job. Put quite the slam down on rodent. Wish I could share the whole thing here. We shall see.

And it goes to the OW??

Rodent, yes. Also BH, as he is "expected to become a party to the suit, as it can be proven that he knew about the affair and the brazen attempts by his wife to alienate the affections of another man, and did nothing to stop it" or something eloquent to that effect.

CC to Pinoke, as well, as he will most certainly be called to testify and produce evidence. Ditto the eloquent effect.

Thanks for making me smile, Melody. Been a rough couple of days, but you got me laughing about it.

That is just awesome!! All hell should break loose tomorrow!!

RAiny girl, you are a BEAST!!

way to go rainy! when you finally came out of your shell, you came guns a'blazin'!

Manalive!! That girl is the ROCKSTAR of affair fighting!! She slays me! I thought I had thought of all the clever methods and she comes here and puts me to shame!!

heck, she puts us ALL to shame!

I assume you meant that in a sweet way? About me being a beast, I mean?

Thanks. Don't mess with my kids, that's all I have to say.

I tried to have a conversation with Pinoke a few weeks ago - last one - about resolving this peacefully. Before I started standing up to him, right at the top of the roller coaster, just before things plummeted.

He told me in the most condescending jerk way, "You got nothin.'" I told him to reign in rodent and leave the kids alone. Know what he said? "I'd love to see you try to do anything to her." I told him I've left her alone, but if he forced me to fight her for the benefit of my children, I would win. He never believed I would dare to stand up to him, I guess. I said, "I don't want to fight, Pinoke. But if you make me fight, I will win."

He laughed this evil no-longer-even-himself laugh and said, "Bring it on, b*tch!"

Famous last words, I suppose. (Perhaps I should ask him if he would like to "send out a correction, recant his message, to restore his honor?")

3 1/2 years of hell that I and my children endured. I guess enough is finally enough. And if you're gonna do a job, do it right.

Thanks for all the help, Melody. Thanks for helping me find my strength.

Silly people. Couldn't have done it without all of you!