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He's a wayward and is addicted to her. He is very toxic.
Have your kids said anything to him about his affair?
So when you go to court next Tuesday will he be moving out?
Will you go to Plan B as you're in D?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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They've expressed their feelings to him when everything came out. I'm not sure when he's moving out. We haven't gotten that far in talking. I'm trying to set up plan B. Don't have an IM so don't know how that is going to work.
Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June
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Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
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They've expressed their feelings to him when everything came out. I'm not sure when he's moving out. We haven't gotten that far in talking. I'm trying to set up plan B. Don't have an IM so don't know how that is going to work. Do you have a friend who can stay neutral? She just needs to act as a filter. Have them read this. IM Training School If you still can't find one you can ask someone on the MB board.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Posts: 71
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I don't really have any friends. Me having friends wasn't allowed. The only one friend that I really do have has her own issues and I don't want to burden her with mine
Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June
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Posts: 10,179
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Your kids are old enough that an IM would have a very light work load. You need to go dark right away. Your WH isn't remotely serious about saving your M. He won't be until he's spent a long time at rock bottom.
Going dark isn't just good for you...it's the one and only way you have a small chance to help him.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Reading what I've been through anyone think it could really work out? How to I change my feelings to love him? When I think I'm making the wrong choice to divorce he says something and gets me thinking. Part if me doesn't want it over. So cOnfused!
Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June
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Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
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Reading what I've been through anyone think it could really work out? How to I change my feelings to love him? When I think I'm making the wrong choice to divorce he says something and gets me thinking. Part if me doesn't want it over. So cOnfused! Do you not think incest is a deal breaker?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Posts: 12,357
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Reading what I've been through anyone think it could really work out? How to I change my feelings to love him? When I think I'm making the wrong choice to divorce he says something and gets me thinking. Part if me doesn't want it over. So cOnfused! I would be disgusted by the incest and would cut and run in a heartbeat. That's a personal deal-breaker for me. However, according to MB, you can recover this. If he is on board with recovery, yes, you can recover your marriage. Is he willing to do the work?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Here are some clips on incest. Tell us what you think. Radio clip on incest Another clip on incest
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179
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A good, long Plan B will be just what you need to give you the clarity to make your choice.
Listening to the babblings of a mind-scrambled wayward will only confuse you.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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I'm at work right. So I'll listen to those as soon as I can. Incest is a deal breaker and it's true he just tries to wheel me in with his words. He is willing to do the work but I'm not sure I physically or emotionally can. But then again be really isn't if he doesn't get help. He feels he doesn't need help
Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
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I'm at work right. So I'll listen to those as soon as I can. Incest is a deal breaker and it's true he just tries to wheel me in with his words. He is willing to do the work but I'm not sure I physically or emotionally can. But then again be really isn't if he doesn't get help. He feels he doesn't need help Doesn't he have a trip planned to go back to where his half sister lives? When do you go to court again?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 71
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I'm at work right now. I'll listen to them as soon as I can. Thanks
Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 71
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Posts: 71 |
No he doesn't. Only when his dad does pass away he says. The agreement was that he would go only if we both could go but knowing him he would go anyway. Plus. I don't want to see the bit-ch any way!
Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 71
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 71 |
I'm at work right. So I'll listen to those as soon as I can. Incest is a deal breaker and it's true he just tries to wheel me in with his words. He is willing to do the work but I'm not sure I physically or emotionally can. But then again be really isn't if he doesn't get help. He feels he doesn't need help Doesn't he have a trip planned to go back to where his half sister lives? When do you go to court again? Court is Tuesday
Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June
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Posts: 10,179
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He's not serious. Don't waste any more time with him until/unless you can see actual results from his actions, consistently over a long period of time. Maybe not even then, but FOR SURE not now.
He's just biding his time till this all blows over. (So he hopes.)
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Posts: 71
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I feell like it sometimes. Sometimes I think because I was a stay at home
Mom for so long and now I'm an RN and have finally been working for the last 2 years now he wants to benefit
Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179
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Posts: 10,179 |
You might be right. But when it boils down to it, it doesn't matter why he's doing (or not doing) anything. What he's doing (or not doing) is what counts.
His inactions have told you everything you need to know at this point.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 71
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OP
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 71 |
I have court tomorrow. He might not be able to go. Anyone think they will restore to docket without him being there?
Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179
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Posts: 10,179 |
It will probably postpone. I'd be reeeeeeeeeal surprised if he shows up. He doesn't have much motivation to lose you. Unfortunately for him, he doesn't seem to have much motivation to keep you, either. Not surprising for a serial cheater who stooped to incest.
Sorry that this may drag it out longer. Be persistent. Get him out of your house so you can keep your sanity. Once he's out, go to Plan B and only see him on court dates.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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