We are on each others account now.

do light cardio ... get a heart rate monitor. do not exceed 75% of your max heart rate which is 220 - your age = max then 75% of that is where you want to run your cardio at.

No one joint account with both of your names.

Dec and Mrs. Dec.
Have you exposed her affairs? Exposure 101

Exactly ... 1 family house hold FB account. IF FB is a must.

Also .. did you know that to maintain your current weight the formula is 15calories x current weight = daily caloric intake for weight maintenance. more than that .. and your gaining .. to drop weight its 12 calories x body weight = daily caloric intake.

I just recently learned all that :P

Yea. I do know that, or at least I understand that. It is, however, very rewarding even though superficially. I have never experienced anyone other than my wife. My reluctance or inhibition in interacting with women on different levels was indoctrinated into me. I have now taken a somewhat different approach though, and understand things quite differently, or so I think. It has been different that is for sure. I do not have intentions of adultery, but to again feel masculine, male, and otherwise is invigorating.

What can we do for you? Did you need help with your marriage?

I am venting. I cannot really take this matter to a friend: it is embarrassing. I'm looking for comments, feedback, agreement, disagreement, understanding, other expereinces etc. I have mulled it over in my head for almost a year. It keeps coming back in and changes thing for us. I mention it to my wife and ask for clarification, reassurance, etc, but don't seem to find an answer or resolution.

Were her affairs exposed?

Do you have all your questions answered about her affairs?

Have you affair proof your M?

I really don't know what an affair is. My wife committed adultery: as I know it, it is sexual relations outside of marriage. My wife's adultery was all per martial. It has been explained to me, but I don't fully understand all of it.

Does she have boundaries now and living with extraordinary precautions?

Are you rehashing the past?

Have you affair proofed your M?
How much UA time are you getting?. The Policy Of Undivided Attention

I am a huge fan of NOT having a Facebook page. First of all, YOU DON'T NEED ONE. You did JUST FINE all these years without one. There is no social, professional or economical reason for you to HAVE to have one. Second: Facebook tracks you. How much privacy are you willing to give up, just so you can tell a bunch of friends that you had sushi for lunch today? Third: OLD LOVERS AND COLLEGE DATES CAN TRACK YOU DOWN. The reconnect can be harmless at first, and can become an affair. This is a terrible risk to run for any married person. Why risk that?

If you must have a Facebook page (and I can't imagine WHY you must), it should be a 'couple's' page. Profile a picture of the two of you in a romantic pose. Both of you need to post frequently. Anything else is a risk that shouldn't be run.

Dec,

You are on a very slippery slope. I feel like you are already foggy and in denial that you are considering having an affair. Of course in your mind right now you do not see it as this, neither did I when I started having thoughts about another man.

In fact I dismissed them, said I was strong enough to handle it. I, like you had a lot of resentment built up towards my husband that I did not know how to express, NEVER AN EXCUSE HOWEVER FOR AN AFFAIR!!!

Your wife chose YOU!!! She did not chose any of these other men. You are both however hanging onto slippery slopes instead of each other and your marriage. Quit feeling sorry for yourself, quit doubting your marriage and get with the program!!!

Instead of thinking how other women can fill your needs, figure out how your wife can, how you can fill her needs and make your marriage better than ever.

You do not want to be in my shoes. I fell down the slippery affair slope in Sept of last year. Let me tell you this, you slide down REAL FAST. Before you realize its a hell of a long way back up with mounds of damage done on the way down, you have hit ground zero.

OK this does make sense. But does this make sense too?

This x lover hunted her down after 25 years. Apparently the chemistry, electricity, connection was still very strong for him. She on the other hand, she took a 21` year marriage, rocked its foundation, and shattered all integrity in it. She did contemplate this over a 5 month period as he continued to request her to reconnect with him and be his friend. After the 5 months however, she did determine that she'll bring him back into her life regardless of our marriage and in spite of knowing full well how I fell about these prior men. Perhaps her chemistry, connections, etc with him is still also very strong. Is this her lover that for her will be her last lover so to speak.

I know bringing up the past is 'hashing' it, but shouldn't you understand it, and acknowledge it. To simply play ignorant to it is almost impossible for me.

Yes, now our marriage seems strong, almost too strong. She says she wants to be the wife I deserve, and recognized I had been pushed aside way to often. I also recognized that I let myself slide physically, and other ways, and that has changed too. Can you ignore the chemistry though that she has with this other man. Are we just treading water until he happens to meet her at a conference, grocery store, or finds her number on line. He has already tried to contact her through her personal email account too.

So I should just sit by, and try my hardest? Maybe our marriage is now stronger because I have ventured out to be more open to other women? Maybe it is stronger because my wife realizes I have become more open and inviting to other women? Certainly not the most favored approach, but certainly one that makes me feel more alive and male.

Do you understand affairs are like addictions?

Have you read these? Coping with Infidelity: How affairs should end
How to make your wife Happy

I have read then now. Much stated in these articles apply in one way or another.

She has stopped all contact, even though admittedly her contact with him was very minimal and superficial. I have also retracted, and now feel very suspect of her. Is she truly someone who doesn't want to reconnect with this x lover, or simply pacifying me but holding a deep burning desire for him otherwise? I don't think so, but now I am not absolutely sure.

You do understand Dr. Harley's basic concepts?
A Summary of Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts

You need to verify she is not in contact with him.

If she's not in contact she shouldn't have a problem writing a NC letter to OM?
No contact sample letters

Dec are you already a wayward? Are you developing a close emotional bond with one these vultures?

Any woman who approaches a married man, whose heart is wounded and whose marriage is hanging on by a thread, is a vulture.

Block out the vultures and concentrate on your marriage.

Or get a divorce. And do not date or 'be open' to women until you are divorced.

But do not keep your wife hanging on while you get some revenge action on the side.

Not cool.

YOU ARE A MARRIED MAN.

Remember the 'for better or worse' bit of the ceremony? Well I dont remember the bit where it says you can have an affair if things are rather more worse than better.

Dec,

I know that you are stating that your marriage is stronger than ever but your thoughts on this forum show me otherwise. You do not trust your wife, do not feel safe in your marriage, and have A LOT of resentment towards her actions. This us all a recipe for disaster. Believe me, I know.

You and your wife need to affair proof your marriage. Please read and reread Dr. Harleys articles, books, and info on this site. He gives you step by step guidance on how to build a romantic relationship with your wife. Brain hurts is great at sending links to help get you started.

I can tell you right now that you need to talk to your wife and discuss your emotional needs. You both need to set up extraordinary precautions with each other and for each other. Then you need to start working in your romantic relationship by spending time together. Until all these things are in place you will not trust each other and cannot have a good marriage.

I also suggest listening to the radio show and continuing on this forum for advice. U know you don't feel it now but there is hope and happiness in your future marriage. Don't mess it up with an affair and don't build up resentment toward your wife. Both are cancerous to a marriage and some do not survive. Do you want to take that chance?

Have you told your wife about the temptation to cheat on her?

Is she able to see/hear your converstaions with these women?

I have no intentions of having an affair. Simply going from a non interactive man to an interactive man is different. To now know and realize the opportunities do exist for me at the gym, work, or business events is fulfilling.