...I have begun to feel like I'm not sure whether I want my WW back or not.

If you had been in a legitimate Plan A, this would be the key indicator of the appropriateness of switching to Plan B.

Plan A is emotionally draining and exhausting. You pour all your "good" into whatever vestiges of a relationship exists, hoping for some impact on WS. But it is not open-ended. As your reservoir of "good" depletes, you end up with the dispassion you are feeling now.

For several reasons your Plan A was not....pristine....but the enervating effects are still at work.

You've read enough of the MB Program to know what is the likely next step. I'm not going to suggest it, because, quite frankly, whatever is suggested on this thread tends to be ignored, apparently BECAUSE the impetus comes from one of us. ("I have not written a letter to Dr. Harley." Really? I just spent more time on this response than your writing the good doctor would have consumed!)

So what do you think you want to do, pardner?

NG,

I guess it doesn't really matter what I want to do because it will apparently be the wrong thing.

I agree that I have not followed a "pristine" Plan A and that I have not taken some of the advice on here. I do not believe for an instant that anyone that has come here for help has done so to perfection.

Just so you know, I take offense to your comment that I might intentionally ignore the advice and/or suggestions that I am given on this forum. I don't feel that it's wrong to have my own opinions on some things in my situation. I do believe that the MB program works, but I don't believe that EVERY piece of advice fits EVERY situation. Stone me if you wish for saying that....I've had it done to me many times before.

Yes, it has been very difficult for me (maybe more so than for others) to follow everything to perfection. I accept my faults in that as well as any consequences, but I also believe that I have a more thorough information base on the entire situation than anyone else. I'm NOT saying that I know better how to handle an affair than y'all do, but I am saying that not every detail of my situation has been told on here. Some of those details require me to put some thought and decision making into the process for myself.

As for the letter to Dr. Harley...I see your point that it might not have taken me long to write but you don't know how busy my life is right now. On top of that, I got to the point where I wasn't sure I wanted to waste his time with something I wasn't sure I even wanted anymore. Maybe those are normal thoughts...I don't know. But, how and why do you go ahead and do something that you're not sure you even want to do?

Do I know where to go from here? Not really.

Do I know what I want to do from here? Not really.

Do I know what I don't want to do from here? Yes. I don't want to play her games anymore nor do I want to react to her disposition.

She is pushing me to bring in the legal process because I'm being backed into a corner. I have tried to do the best I could under the circumstances. I have failed in many areas, but I WILL be able to lay down at night and sleep if this doesn't work out because I know I have done everything that my mind, emotions, conscience, morals and ethics have allowed me to do to try and save my marriage and family.

I have not followed all the advice and suggestions given to me here. That is a fact. It's more difficult for some than others. I will not apologize for that. I did and am doing the best I can.

I have not followed all the advice and suggestions given to me here. That is a fact. It's more difficult for some than others. I will not apologize for that.

No apology requested, expected, nor required.

But your periodic disingenuous posts proclaiming, "The situation is not improving!", while doing little or nothing within the MB guidelines to facilitate that desired improvement are predictable, if not discouraging.

But I'm hanging in with you, LFH, believe it or not. And as for, "I take offense to your comment...", don't sweat it. I'll not take offense at your taking offense!

I still think you should write Dr. Harley. It's free and he will give you priceless advice.

LFH --

I thought your situation was hopeful, so I tried to give you some ideas and encouragement in implementing a good Plan A. If you don't want to follow MB, its no sweat to any of us.

For your own peace of mind, decide what you want.

Good Luck!

That is exactly what Dr. Harley says. There are a number of situations and conditions that make some people have more trouble following his advice than others.

Where Dr. Harley succeeds is in motivating people to do what will improve their marriage, even when their instincts would cause them not to do what it takes, i.e., to fail. In his book Effective Marriage Counseling, he says:

Lexxxy,

I continue to get that phrase thrown at me..."if you don't WANT to follow MB then we don't really care" (paraphrased).

It has never been that I don't WANT to at all. Some of the things the Plans have wanted me to do I didn't feel comfortable or couldn't do for various reasons.

I appreciate the encouragement but it's very tiring to come here for support and basically get ripped every time I don't hold EXACTLY to a portion of the Plans. Honestly, at times it has been more stressful here than it has dealing with my WW. I don't mean that disrespectfully to anyone. It's just that I come here for support and advice, but when I don't follow it to a perfect tee I 'm made to feel like the reason my marriage is falling apart.

That is very discouraging and tiring. I'm getting hit from both sides and getting worn down twice as fast. I understand that it doesn't matter if I agree with what everyone here tells me, but it does matter if I have trouble for whatever reason implementing.

It has never been that I don't WANT to follow everything. It's ALWAYS been that I couldn't follow everything exactly whether it was due to emotions, the situation or because of an unclear understanding of portions of the Plans. I didn't realize that I shouldn't be on this forum if I couldn't follow every piece of advice exactly and every time.

I'm not flaming you in my reply. I'm just very tiredly expressing what I'm feeling right now. No anger at all...please believe that. I'm just tired, frustrated, and concerned that I'm very quickly getting to a point of no return (within myself) of not WANTING to continue to try and get her back.

Does any of this make sense and more importantly does it even matter?

If there is any kind of "silver lining" in getting to the point I'm at right now it's that I now understand and can be pleasant, nice, etc to her without any expectations.

She has basically told me last night that she is going to "let her attorney handle things from here" since I have evidently not been doing what she wants.

She texted me tonight and I really had no feeling one way or the other but I went ahead and sent her "pleasantries" such as "I hope you have a good night" and such. I was surprised at how easy it was to do and how I had no expectations and had no negative feelings that made me wonder if she would reply back...which she did by the way.

My point is that I felt so indifferent to whether she would respond or reply at all. I honestly wasn't concerned at all as to whether she would or not.

Now, I don't know whether this is good or bad in terms of MB but it felt good to myself to NOT have those expected feelings of expecting something.

Good job on staying calm and no expectations and doing a good Plan A moment.

Okay, amigo, it's been ten days since your last post.

How are you doing? Where do you and WW stand in your "stand off"? Hopefully you've made some progress in moving your relationship off the previous stage of intentional neglect and apathy.