Hi, new member. We're both 43 with one boy who's 12 and have been married since 1990 with a year seperation in 1996. She has had it with my emotional abuse. She recalls everything bad in our past like it is fresh and asked me to get away from a breather in March. I took my son to Hawaii but called her daily and fretted about everything. Did not give her space and we both started seeing individual counselors around the second week of March.

I have done all the wrong things: scared, afraid and unempathetic. I tracked her phone, viewed the calls to the house and everything imaginable... I listened to her words only for my own interest and protection. Yet, I never found anything and told her I stopped 2 wks ago. We are totally toxic around each other and she wants her freedom since I've done nothing to show I've changed or see/feel her pain.

Looking to talk tonight if anyone there...lot's more and yes it is my fault.

2wks ago as things heated up I asked if she wanted sex? I knew better but pushed her button and this is after her repeatedly reminding me of the times she put the pillow over her head. And than out of frustration I mentioned an atty since upon viewing her web pgs knew that she looked one up mos ago...she figured I had papers drawn and called hers last Monday. I told her I never had one and never intended to. Each day I waited and the week past.

I sleep on the other side of the house and after a fight went down at 11pm to tell her she was right, that all the things I've said were wrong and I'd do whatever she wanted. "Than leave or stay and we start dating (open marriage).". I know I can't force her to love me and the more I try the worse it gets. Yet, as I write this I see I've not tried in the way she demands.

Have you read Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts?
A Summary of Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts

Ok...if I'm getting this right she's in Plan B: "You will be able to look him in the eye and say, "I FEEL deceived - your actions make me feel UNSAFE and it's up to you to prove your innocence by changed actions - I don't have to prove anything to you.""

Checking it out now...thx

Yes, her bank is well into the Hate balance and my continual actions without reverse are sending it even lower! "Try living with a spouse you hate! Your emotions are doing everything they can to get you out of there -- and divorce is one of the most logical ways to escape."

So do you want to try and save your marriage?

Yes, BADLY!

And thanks for being here this early am!

Obviously I must do the opposite of what I've been doing and start with myself...I did so much damage. "You and your spouse were born to be demanding, disrespectful, angry, annoying, independent and dishonest. These are normal human traits that I call Love Busters because they destroy the feeling of love spouses have for each other. But if you promise to avoid being the cause of your spouse's unhappiness, you will do whatever it takes to overcome these destructive tendencies for your spouse's protection. By eliminating Love Busters, you will not only be protecting your spouse, but you will also be preserving your spouse's love for you."

So when you were snooping did you find anything?
Dr. Harley says this about snooping. Snooping: Is it wrong?Or, is it the right thing to do in marriage?

Also what are her top EN?

What lovebusters are you guilty of?

I found nothing. CONVERSATIO

and Honesty and Openness. She repeats that I lied about getting her a new car whilst her's was getting old and the money I said was not invested in stocks last July...ughhh!

I've met none of her emotional needs and instead beat her down. When we were young she was too fat, with newborn - "life was better before" (painful/sickening one) and last Christmas - "you keep babying him and he'll grow uo hating women"... I'm so embarrassed by this.

Ok I would get the book "Lovebusters" By Dr. Harley ASAP.

Can you afford to call the coaching center?

Ok and yes.

Your wife sounds like she is still in the state of conflict and withdrawal which means you may have a chance.

You need to stop lovebusting now and start filling her EN.

What are her top EN?

No Kindle...His Needs,Her Needs? Or Protecting Your Marriage...