I hear you there. Your story is one of the one's I read when I first got here.

I think alot of us want to pay it forward. Going through infidelity can change us forever.

Queenie!! Look at you, passing it on. Isn't it funny how once we've experienced this stuff, it's like we develop a sixth sense for it? Your friend is so fortunate that she has a friend like you to take her under your wings and guide her. You've been there and know exactly how it feels. Good for you and good to see you!

Brain, I didn't know that. I hope it brought you some peace.

Hi PM, long time.

It always astounds me how myself included want to believe the monster over others. She went to her counselor, told him she might suspect an affair. Her counselor totally told her to find a way to keep him in the house. That statistics show a M can recover far more easily....

However she didn't listen to me, and that she did do a nice Plan A of inviting him to dinner as a family and not discussing relationship. But then she did because H wasnt the monster he had been and asked him if he was. He said no. And now is open to him just staying in one girls bed and trying to work on things.

So today she came to work totally happy that he has had this about face. What struck me was her gaiety in thinking it will be all ok. I had those moments and the fall is hard. She has shut down listening to me and feels they are on the right track.

I really ope so, but guess what, he's off to Bellingham for three days. Please pray that I find the way to reach her.

I learned a lot from your story. Thank you.

Think back. What would've been a good way if someone was trying to help you when you were going through this? What might have you been open to?

My story is way so different, my boys busted him, that's why I found out and there was no denying it. It was my fear that stopped me from stepping outside the box. Honestly, when I became desperate enough to do whatever is when I heard people. Until then I still tried it my way or made excuses.

You have reached her, because she asked him. Thanks to you, she's accepted the possibility.

She's shut down listening you, because deep down she knows its true. The first stage is denial, but even this shows she's starting to accept.

She's elated because - no matter what has been happening recently - he's chosen her. She's going to grab on to that for a while.

When the WS wants to leave and is ILYBNILWY, that's scary and makes the BS desperate.

But her denial and fog won't be able to shut out the signs of an affair. Soon she will start to see them.

Unfortunately she's also tipped him off. Affair goes more underground.

Can you point her in the direction of snooping tools?

I think she will come back to you again when this initial stunned reaction wears off.

He will start displaying the ILYBINILWY more and she will increasingly know something is amiss until she finally realizes she can't deny it any more. THEN she will be more open to snooping, getting the goods on him, etc.

Her best move, since things are going SOOOOOO well, is to pop in and surprise him in the middle of his 3 days.

No clue how far Bellingham is from you, but if she won't show up unexpectedly, maybe she would allow you and your DH to follow him, if it's close enough for you to do so.

Update: I was mistaken on who was leaving for 3 days. Evidently he went out of town for a meeting and only partial day. She is the one going away. I wish she wasn't in light in what she learned, but she needs to get away.

So... he is at the very least having an EA and I gotta say she did her own snooping and figured it out, and confronted him and did it in a way that you would all be proud. No LB at all.

I am going home at lunch to give her my copies of SAA and HNHN, plus whatever else books I have from Harley.

She also is planning to come here and read on things. Her C has reinforced some of the stuff that I have said before hand so that's actually cool. I have proded her to set up a phone call with Dr. Harley, and she is going to read about him first.

She isn't ready to talk to people on here, but is willing to read...

Yeah

I hope she will read the exposure thread and exposes. Do you know if the OW is married?
Exposure 101

OW is in the process of getting a divorce and that's how they hooked up. Evidently they are friends from kindergarten. Oh, btw, he just got back from a trip to his home town and met with her. NOTHING happened he says.

Hmmmmm....

She has the books, and hopefully she opens them up to look at them.

Ah did NOT have sexual relations with that woman!

If only I had a dollar for every time I had heard / read that!

And Queenie, another vote of praise for the support you have offered your friend.

It isn't always easy, but it is the sign of a true friend.

Thank you Cara,

I keep plugging away at her. I'm so proud of her. She read most of SAA and it home with her. She gave it to WH and he read part of it and said that there were no similarities to his situation. Are you KIDDING ME?

She is in the anger stage and resistant still to coming here. I worked all the plans and did a great job with them, but I'm honestly not the best advice. I so keep encouraging her to come here. I have mentioned talking to Dr. H twice now. I feel like I'm losing her in understanding that time is critical.

She keeps snooping into the texts and is p!issed on how much he talks to her. I'm not surprised, I just hurt for her. She is much stronger than I am. She is willing to let her M go, I wasn't. So I'm praying for the words to say to her that turns her to here.

My thoughts are all over the place. She did call OW and told her she was fighting for her M, and that there were beautiful kids involved and to leave them alone. Her WH got so mad at her and didn't come home that night. I was very proud of her and told her so. Her dad who is a counselor, was upset and told her to not rock the boat. ?????? WTF?????

I'd like to round these councillors up and dump them on an island where they can 'help' each other.

Her own father telling her to play nice with OW!

I know... I almost dropped but then I took my opportunity to reinforce that counselors can respond that way when they don't understand what they are dealing with.

I was so frickin proud of her for doing that. She did tell him it's not like she has a manual to walk through this and I wish she had added UNLIKE YOU.... YOU MORON, YOU ALIEN

Goodbye marriage with bad advice like that!! If she wants to save her marriage she had better be rocking the boat.