His attitude toward trying to illicit sex from women (in his own admission) is very concerning. I would HIGHLY recommend a poly. Highly. Trickle truths and false recoveries are a dime a dozen on these forums, they are devastating.

Okay, I will. Easier to do at new home location anyway.
He definitely has terrible boundaries in regards to behaviours w/ women.

Who is your source of information? Your WH? If your WH is your only source of information to confirm any of this, that is also alarming. You can NOT TRUST A WAYWARD. Get a poly.

Don't want this to come across as stern, just concern. I don't want to see you back on here in six months and then a year from now saying 'just found out' like so many others.

Confirmation from a co-worker that OW has left the country for old b.f.

As for the rest, I have the email threads between WH and OW, and WH andOW2, but no other confirmation. Can't think of any other source for confirmation of EA vs PA, except polygraph. Not going to ask OW's...

catwit, that is not how the program works. They teach you basic skills and then you use those skills in the area you choose. For example, you learn how to negotiate. Negotiation skills can be used on anything. They teach you how to be respectful to each other. And most of all they teach you how to fall in love. It has nothing to do with kids, etc. They don't resolve conflicts for you; they teach you to resolve conflicts YOURSELF.

My H and I went through this program in 2007 and it made an amazing difference in our marriage. We have a passionate, romantic marriage. You would greatly benefit because Dr Harley would work over your husband if was not on board! Dr Harley would show him how he stands to benefit.

See, when people understand the program they are not reluctant because they stand to benefit the most.

If your husband is willing, I would sign him up FAST and then let Dr Harley persuade him.

Okay, Melody. Thanks I will do that.
Also appreciate your insider's perspective.

Might want to check this out also.
Polygraph Testing

Have all of your questions been answered to your satisfaction? Okay, maybe not satisfaction: to a point where you can make peace with yourself about what happened?

ITA with the other posters. I would wipe that slate clean with a poly. Your WH sounds motivated. I would like to see him being willing to undergo a poly to get everything out there.

What ML said....Seconded!

We also didn't "need" the lessons on FS, DS, or children, but we went through them anyway in order to better understand Dr. H.'s perspective on the entire MB program. It was valuable information and we were able to better grasp the principles, not to mention that when the topics arise in those around us, we have a healthy perspective to share (and have done so.)

Although we had read the books and ordered the workbook, we didn't really go through the program properly until we went through MB Online. Also access to a coach and to Dr. Harley is invaluable.

Bliss: Yes, I do feel I know all I need to about the A. There are no gnawing questions or wonderings.
I like the idea of wiping the slate with a polygraph. Will schedule one as soon as we get to the new home. I am working on the question list.

LongWay: Thanks for your advice. Do I understand that you tried working the plan for several months by yourselves first and then went for the online program?
What kind of time commitment for the online program should we be prepared for? Is that in addition to the 20 hours per week for UA?

Catwhit, when we did the program, the 4 hours a week to do the lessons came out of our UA time. We also did the program ourselves for several years and then went through the course. Wish we would have gone through it sooner because we wasted alot of valuable time. I am not saying you cant do it yourself, but we missed elements that made our recovery very hard. Whereas, when we signed up for the course, they zeroed right in on those problems and resolved them.

Thanks, Melody. Helps me schedule.

We read through SAA, HNHN, and LB books and had ordered the workbook. But we were sporadic about doing the workbook and mushy on the UA time. We also had no other guidance at all. For us, it was good to be accountable to someone outside of ourselves. When we signed up for MB Online, we knew our case was being reviewed periodically. Also, we each had weekly phone sessions (separately) with our coach for a while.

We used our UA time to do the program, but we had to make sure the time doing lessons was enjoyable.

We usually scheduled a half hour each evening and would read aloud together a couple of pages from the lesson we were assigned, then discuss. If we had workbook pages, we also did them at the same time in the same room, but we would often do them on a different night from the reading aloud.

Sometimes we'd go a little longer but we always negotiated on this.

In all, we went through the official program in about six months. Very much worth the money and the effort. And we still communicate periodically with our coach. I've emailed Dr. Harley a few questions on the private forum; getting his answer is very valuable.

Gloveoil, your insight is so helpful, I will be following as I am dealing with a WH who still works with and is most certainly still involved with OW at work. I've got to make it more clear to him that our marriage just will not survive if this continues. Thank you so much!

CW, if your H is willing to sign up now, please consider signing up right away, rather than waiting. The program will help you both get through any withdrawal, and you'll be that much farther ahead. Also, your coach will guide you individually.

Okay, then, LongWay! Seems nearly ALL of my instincts are incorrect... Thanks for the inside track.
Signing up this afternoon...

(sigh).... Finally working with SH to help me heal enough to be ready for the homestudy course. WH has had his new position start date delayed, so we are presently back in old job location, and he still has daily contact with OW. Supposed to be another month of this, and I wish I could say I have been a model Plan A-er throughout.

WH says he can't wait to get away and start new life, but I am pretty sure he is really cake-eating a bit, dreading the day he will go total NC. He just doesn't get how difficult it is for me to be counting the seconds.... I doubt he will, either, atleast until he can de-fog. AD's are helping, thank heavens...

Catwhit you've been dragged through the mire by your unrepentant H for MONTHS.

Your last post was in April!

You can't be in Plan A, ADs or no ADs, for more than three weeks.

You should have been in Plan B long ago, making it clear that if he wasn't going to give up his business cake of contact with OW, that he loses you.

If the job was really delayed (and not delayed by your WH playing for more time), he should have quit rather than risk resumption of the A.

He's still juggling you both, getting whatever high he can short term, dreading the move, and figuring out how to take the A underground if it does.

Why are you standing for this? Why haven't you demanded he quit?

Are you snooping?