Should NG perform this again?

Nahhh, if necessary, NG is going to go with "Bonehead Level 2"

I'd like to see a post AFTER you hit the button. But better yet...why not actually delete your account, instead of just suspending it? Don't you want a joint FB account in the future? You wouldn't use yours, with all the triggers for your BH in it, so just delete the darned thing. And post when you've DONE IT, not when you're ABOUT TO do it.

BTW, you asked about UA activities outside of SF and IC....

Is there a sport/recreational activity that NEITHER of you are good at? Tennis, rowing, dancing, kayaking, cross-country skiing, anything? There is NOTHING that will help tie you together better than struggling to develop skills in a common activity.

For us, during recovery, it was golf, and we still laugh at some of our early excursions. YEARS ago (pre-children, so we're talking paleolithic era here) we took fencing lessons together, and those memories endure.

Intrinsically, there is a satisfaction within humans at becoming proficient (or even just "better") at a discipline. The warm feelings germane to that become associated with the companions while doing so. (Sadly, that's why there are so many affairs that start with "My WS was taking a class....") Anyway, using that principle with full awareness is not somehow "sneaky", but pragmatic and efficient.

Great job, BV! But does "suspend" equate to delete? If not, DELETE IT!

If I was your husband and in recovery stage, I wouldn't care if you were slower, I'd want to spend the time in activity together.

It is suspended, like i've done once before. I don't have the time to go on and save all the photos i need off it now and i was feeling the urgency from everyone to just do it now!

I found the UA thread on here so have some ideas from that too.

Would love us to find a sport we could learn together... just need the buy in from my H.

Have you seen this?

Recreational Enjoyment Inventory

Horseshoe pitching?

yes, i think they are in HNHN? been looking for my copy for days... can't find it. Thanks for the link BH.

OMG here's a better one....

TAXIDERMY!!!!!!!!! ahahahahah

Nothing spells romance more than stuffing a skunk with the one you love!

Who didn't love Pepe le pew?

haha i'm tempted to look up a course on it just for the shear crazyness of it!!!

POJA with your DH. It'll be good practice.

Yea, i would love to start doing POJA... but do you do that even when you aren't officially back together?

Arghh i'm having a bad day. Feel so frustrated and in limbo.

I'm pretty sure some of the reluctance for my H at committing to recovery is me not living here all the time. Yeah... i hear you - thats very obvious. I feel like i'm doing everything possible to try and get a job and it's just not happening!

Sorry for the rant. I just want us both to be committed to recovering our marriage. I guess i just need to be patient.

Yes POJA.

Dr. H recommends. POJA to engaged couples!

Yes patience my dear.

"back home, we got a taxidermy man. he's gonna have a heart attack when he see what i brung 'em!"

good going on the fb acct. now get rid of it. you can google how to export your data in one fell swoop. i think i used the makeusof.com site to follow the instructions. moved all my photos to picasa, but i'm sure you can just d/l them to your HDD as well. you want quick & easy, not photo 1, photo 2, etc.

Oh cool, thanks for the tip Letty. Will explore that option tomorrow.

H coming round soon with a movie.

I'm not in the best mood though. Have been crying on and off ever since leaving work. Grrr

well, wipe them tears, put on some nice perfume, and get ready to please him with the no facebook EP!

Wrong mindset:
Would love us to find a sport we could learn together... just need the buy in from my H.

Right mindset:
Will find a sport we could learn together... will present a half-dozen researched options to my H.

Thanks NG... at least you didn't 2x4 me with that one.

I like your emphasis on the from/to as well. Taker vs giver.

Well, great night. We talked quite a bit too. He said he's no where near ready to move back in with me but feels like we are making good progress.

I ended up crying (again) and said it was because i still feel so lonely.

I asked him what else he needed me to do... he said 'for what', and i said for him to commit to reconciliation. He said how is that defined.... and i said by moving back together. Maybe i'm wrong about this though...? I think it's more about it not being a secret between us that we are 'seeing' each other...?

Anyways I told him about getting rid of fb and he was like 'why?!' and i said because i'm getting annoying OM message me and that it was a MB reccomendation. He thought it would increase my anxiety around him and OW!!! But he also said that he's deleted a couple of the OW he'd friended over the last few months. Not the main one though, i didn't ask why, but having her still on there IS a source of anxiety for me. He did say that she was the least of my worries though.

So another thing he said was that i needed to sort myself financially (before he commits?). I absolutely know that the reason i've had to spend about 6k on flights is because of MY actions but this is still so frustrating.

Anyways... thats all for now.

Are you trying to Plan A him? Try and do your best not to get so emotional and cry in front of him. If you need anti-anxiety meds from the doctor, eat chocolate, whatever it takes! Exercise relieves stress and makes you feel better, it might help.

You're on the right path. Have you talked with him about his seeing other women? Don't be afraid of his reaction as if you don't have the right to ask it, you're married to him, that gives you the right!