BV,

NG gave me some very similar advice only a few months ago. His "no expectations" with a "strategy" is the perfect thing to keep telling yourself to keep you going on a plan for your marriage recovery.

What I keep telling myself is there is a fine line between making up for what you did and being stomped on. However, is my H expecting SF really being stomped on? No! My H told me that SF is his security blanket. Because he could not completely trust me, having SF brings him comfort. This was enough for me to put on my big girl pants and be happy that he was even touching me after the pain I put him through.

I however am not going to pull out my saint card. I have really struggled with feeling angry and frustrated with my situation. I have wanted to hurry my H along and have things back to normal. Then I do a reality check and realize that I am still cleaning up my mess.

I like to think of it as shattered glass. There are A LOT of pieces and months later you keep finding more that you need to pick up.

NG, has also described it as a roller coaster ride and this is so true. Since mothers day my H went from wanting to leave to giving us another try and actually letting me back in.

He went from only showing affection during SF to actually showing affection all of the time.

The only issue that still bothers me to no end is the fact that his parents have refused to see me since D day. His mother has been very cruel as well.

I have been on the forum several times upset about this issue and have gotten a number of great responses. But the best response I got was from my H when I was honest with him about how much it hurt me to not be included in family events.

His response to me was that up until recently, he was not sure that he even wanted to reconcile with me. The reason that he did not stand up for me against his parents was because he did not want to put everyone through reconciliation when he was not even 100 percent for it.

He told me that as he is coming around and actually seeing my actions and changes rather than me just stating them he is getting closer to telling his parents that they need to accept us no matter what. I asked him when he finally did this what he would do if they refused, he said he would tell them to screw off and anyone else who did not support us as well.

BV, this was not the response I wanted. My taker wanted him to tell his parents to screw off two months ago. But it made me realize that he was not ready for that and this is not just about me. So while I am not completely satisfied with this answer I know that it is necessary. Am I being a doormat? I don't think so. Am I being patient and telling myself that this is just another piece of glass from the mess that I made and it will be cleaned up? Yes, because I have to.

Thanks for sharing 15yrs.... it really helps to know someone else is going through similar things.

SF will definitely be a security blanket for my H as well as this is his top EN. I suppose the difficult thing is that its one of my lowest. But i guess it's really good for me to be learning to meet that need in a greater way than i have before, especially at this time.

So sorry to hear that your in laws have been unaccepting and cruel. That must be very difficult for you. Are they christians? I hope that over time they can see the change in you too. But... if they don't accept it then it will be important for your H to stand up for you no matter what.

Patience must be the hardest virtue to practice i think!