Arrrrgh!!!

I know I'm stuffing everything up!!!

Tuesday morning he told me he chooses me. Whew!! Got a bit out of panic mode and back into feeling a bit sorry for myself. He needed to travel interstate and stay away Thursday night. We talked about it and agreed that my sons and I would come too. We spent a bit of time together on Thursday night and Friday afternoon.

I also found out on Tuesday that she may be coming for business for a couple of meetings. Tuesday I also told him he needs to completely shut things down with her. He said that he needed to do it in a way that made him comfortable, I said why should you be comfortable. He said he would shut it down. As far as I knew txts from her and communication with her stopped. I asked him every day.

When we were together interstate I said to him that I feel I'm still in shock and that I still cant believe he did this.

Today he tells me that he is still confused. He does not know how he hurt me so bad and that he has not stopped communication with her, he has spoken to her everyday. He is now back to being undecided about what he wants to do. She texted him this evening, he is now hiding these texts from me and says if I don't let him respond it will make the decision easy for him. He says he loves her, and how can he be in love with 2 people at once?? He says he's not being fair stringing both of us along. This is all so [censored]!!!!

Should we be spending time apart?? for him to make up his mind or something???

I know you probably think I'm not taking your advice, but I thought things were going well. It seems my husband who I love and want in my life is addicted to lying and possibly sex.

So with respect to this is what it will take to keep me in the marriage, I feel I'm not the one with ball in my court now.

H happened to be in London on business after a conference in Dublin. She works in London and lives out of London. She works for a company with whom my husband is trying to form a partnership. He said there may be plans afoot for her to move here.

So if I phone her company in London and tell the founder and the Director of the board, surely my H will leave me. Can you give me any advice for sites to search people in the UK? What if I can'f find her parents and friends??

Help!! Sorry I'll try and listen to your advice!

Listen, please.
You cannot trust anything your husband says. He is in an affair and he can't be trusted. Bill Clinton went on national television and said "I had nothing to do with that woman!".
Only AFTER exposure did he face consequences. And he was the President!

Your husband is NO different.

YOU need to kill the affair BEFORE working on your marriage.
Please buy the book Surviving an Affair and read it.

Men CAN be "in love" with more than one woman. That's why many cultures had polygamy. Women usually are only "in love" with one man.

The FIRST step to killing an affair is EXPOSURE.
You need to gather your evidence of the affair and EXPOSE it to all family members (including your children); close friends, his whores close friends and family, and his EMPLOYER. He is meetin her in work related so you need to contact his employer.
You said you were afraid he would leave you if you expose to his employer. Well guess what? You don't have a choice. You either accept that he will be having sex with her while at work or expose it and hold them accountable. To do otherwise is to enable his affair.

sounfair, please calm down and start acting in a more strategic, effective manner. Your emotions are leading you to make bad decisions that will harm your chances of saving your marriage. For example, your husband told you on 7-2 that he would still be seeing the OW at meetings. He told you he would be maintaining contact.

So now, your job is to do a strategic exposure so you can kill the affair. Don't call his boss, send his employers a certified letter telling them about the affair. Also notify the OW's company and her family.

Go read the link in my signature and come back and tell me your exposure plan.

Waywards lie, SoUnfair.

They havent got a clue what they want and nothing they say is reliable.

So why are you chit-chatting with a wayward and going 'whew' in relief because you believe the crazy things they say?

Do exposure.

As for 'He will surely leave me' you should be preparing to kick him out so he can discover how good he really had itunless he proves to you he wont cheat again or make up for the trauma he is putting you through.

It's time to put on big girl pants and get your exposure plan in order.

Can you ask the mods to merge both your threads and then stick to one thread?

Its really confusing when you have to hunt for a person's history in order to advise them.

Click the notify button below and ask the mods to merge your threads.

That's so true. It always winds me up when BS's say 'Oh joy, he chose me!' Erm, he chose you on the wedding day - any 'competitions' after that where you are pitted against another woman is an insult.

'Choosing' the BS after an affair, is not something the WS gets to do.

The BS is the one who gets to choose - whether the WS get to stay in the marriage or whether they are out on their backside

The WS does not get to choose! If they are not truly remorseful, they should be kicked out to deal with their bad choices alone.

Your behavior is normal, and is that of a victim trying to come to terms with unimaginable devastation. He is behaving like an immature weasel. He has done this horrible thing to you and is now considering driving yet another knife into your heart because he doesn't like your response to his initial knifing? How DARE he manipulate you this way!

He is jonesing for the OW - that's all it is. It's the addiction. And he's blaming it on you.

So, he's told me he's leaving me.

He said that the pain that he's in for his ongoing betrayal of me is too much to bear and we could not get past that.

Also he said he can't keep stringing 2 people along.

He wants to move out somewhere nearby, because he thinks we can be 50/50 parents.

He will wait for her to come to him.

WHAT!

Ok, there is so much poo flying out his mouth you need not only the priest from the Exorcist but a whole team of janitors being given hazard pay!


You know what this is? <--- That. He is being a big baby who needs to grow the (mods, we desperately need a censored smiley...) up!

Here is what he is really saying:

"I am in too much pain because I have to look at my victim all the time! It's not fair!"


Dollars to donuts OW gave him an ultimatum.


He thinks he can have OW and then you on the side. You are going to have to bust this fantasy up real darn quick -- let him know in no uncertain terms that this is not going to happen. You cannot repair a marriage with someone who stabbed you and is continuing to stab you.


And she will be over constantly.


This guy is just ... argh!

EXPOSE NOW!!!

ITA --

Expose. Right now.

Thats what waywards do, So Unfair.

Whatever the hell they want.

What are YOU doing?

Exposure plan?

Forgive me, I'm still confused about exposure. I can't find her on Facebook. I don't really know anything about her family. She has 2 sons under 12, and a live in nanny. I know the village where she lives. She is the CEO of her company, I could phone or email the chairman of the board and the founder and one or 2 other people at the company, but Is she likely to be fired? No. Is she likely to be embarrassed? Unlikely � she�s got too much front to be worried or shamed or embarrassed by any such action � any she�s got enough intelligence and showmanship to put any cover story together she likes to counter my claims or paint me in a less than shining light if she wants to make me look like the �responsible� one.

What about direct contact with her? I have her phone number, but I don't think there is anything I can do to stop them doing what they want. I can't even persuade my own stupid husband :-(

Have you simply googled her name and town to se what comes up? I googled OW's name alone and found her home address, landline and H's employer in five minutes. I live in London and she lives in Belgium. International searching isn't especially hard.

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We cannot help you if you won't listen to us. The affair needs to be exposed at her workplace, his workplace, to her family, his family, everyone. You do this according to the instructions on my exposure thread. Did you read the thread?

Do you want to save this marriage or not? There is nothing we can do to help you if you don't follow the advice we give.

Do you have some direct evidence of the affair? If so, you can set up a web page, post the evidence, and include a link in your exposure emails.

What have you done to find her on Facebook? Does she have you blocked? Have you tried searching for her family members?

If you can't find her family members that way, a PI can find her family members very quickly.

And you can hire a local PI quite easily from abroad. People have done that on this forum, and found devastating evidence.

What does your husbands or OW's opinion have to do with anything?

Trying to talk waywards around is totally pointless, and is not the MB Plan.

Exposure on the other hand works on a regular basis. It works in two ways: either it embarrasses them straight off or it makes life hard. They lose work, friends and social respect and that catalysts the end of affairs. 95 per cent end within two years.

Plus YOU need the support from exposure. This is the MB Plan.

This is MB. MB is proven to work.

You can't do Plan SoUnfair. You can't do Plan I Think This is Best or Plan Hope or Plan Fear.

You do the MB Plans. Without trying to guess the effectiveness of exposure and without expecting any sense from the waywards!

The plan keeps your options open to either recover your marriage or work on a personal recovery in Plan B.

If you don't understand exposure, read the exposure thread.