Of course he does. Why wouldn't he want to keep his secret?

And, by the way, he keeps it a secret because a huge part of him knows it is scummy to do what he is doing.

If you keep his secret, you are enabling him being cruel to you and others who have trusted him to be a good guy.

Carrie,

Appeasing him and trying not to make him angry WILL NOT WORK.

He's already angry! He's a wayward and all waywards are angry, moody, crazy messes.

You have to expose and you have to face his anger calmly afterwards.

Until you do this he will think you are a doormat who deserves everything he is dishing out. You must take a stand. Its do or die.

And everyone else will belive the 'she's crazy' 'I tried to make it work' or whatever lies he chooses to tell.

Is this acceptable to you?

Expose.

Ok so as I said earlier I am meeting with his sister in law on Friday and the couple that we are good friends with already knows. I am going to call his close work friend and tell him what is going on. I am also going to call her parents and tell them. My question is do I just wait for him to find out or do I tell him what I have done? I already have separation papers drawn up and waiting. I have opened my own checking account but don't make nearly as much money as he does. I have talked to my lawyer and I know that if he takes all the money out of our checking account it would seriously hurt him when it comes to custody etc.

DO NOT tell your wayward husband about your plan to expose his affair. It is important that you expose it all at once.
He will know within an hour of exposure. When I exposed my wife's she knew right away. And she was angry about it. Your husband will be too. It embarrasses our cheating spouses in front of their friends and family.
Now when you expose make sure you contact every married friend on Facebook and all close relatives of your husband and his whore.
Also you need to contact the city. If I recall from an earlier post you said his whore works for the fire dept? There is probably an ethical rule against that and you need to write a letter (samples available) to the Fire Chief and City Manager. Mail certified mail. If they don't respond send an anonymous copy of the letter to the newspaper.

Your lawyer will file for temporary support and child support.
You shouldnt have to worry about the financial end too much.

You asked if it will work.
It's your best hope. If your husband had his way he would probably be in an open marriage and have his whore on the side forever. Exposure destroys that stupid illusion and forces him and her to see reality.

Personally it didn't work for me. It has worked for many others. But I am GLAD I exposed. I am glad I followed the marriage builders plan. You are going into a new chapter of your life where you need to be tough for a while. It's going to be really hard and you need a Plan to follow. The marriage builder plan is a good one.

Stay strong. Remember you are doing this for your marriage and your daughter. Your husband would destroy it all for a whores bed. Take charge.

Is this OW married?

Please listen to these clips of a BW finding out her WH is having an affair at with an OW from the fire Dept. Dr. Harley tells her to make a complaint to the department.
Radio clip
Segment #2
Segment #3

Wow... I have never listened to the radio show before. That clip was dead on about my situation. I have been in complete denial and have try to justify everything he is doing so I can convince myself that he is not having an affair. Mean while he is walking all over me. I know that considering how I am doing emotionally and physically I need to go to plan B. Dr. Harley made reference to women not staying plan A for more then 3 weeks. I have been trying for months and just like the women caller I have anger outbursts because regardless of me trying to meet his emotional needs he is walking all over me. I am going to expose to the people as planned and then I am going to go to plan B ASAP. I am pissed off that I have personally gotten to this place.

Knowing is half the battle. Take your actions and follow the plan. Dr. Harley is all about plans.

Expose.

We will help you through it. How will you be doing it facebook?

I am going to call these people and talk to them or meet with them face to face. I just recently joined Facebook. I just can't wait to get to plan B. Right now I wake up every morning wondering what he is going to say or do to hurt me today. So plan B is looking real good right now.

You can start to prepare for Plan B now.

Do you have all the links?

I read the article on plan A and plan B. Someone also attached a few links in a previous post. Is there anything else I should read?

Have you read the exposure thread of how to put together a plan?

These Exposure 101
Carrot and Stick of Plan A

Okay. So something weird is going on. All the sudden this week my husband is showing an increased interest in spending time with our daughter. Over the past few months both she and I have been the last thing on his mind. Well today he has been with her all day. He has been sending me pictures of what they are doing together. Which by the way is hanging out with his brother which is something he has avoided over the last few months. He also sent me a text asking if he could take cash out of our checking account so he could take her to the carvinal. I can't remember the last time he asked me about taking money out of our account. I am actually shocked that he is spending today and has plans to spend saturday with our daughter he has been spending every free minute with his whore. What his he doing?

trying to lure you off the scent. does he have access to your computer?

Read this.
Please explain gaslighting

Yes he does have access to my computer.

He is just acting really weird.... Depressed. Something seems different. I am still surprised that he is taking his day off to be with our daughter. I know for a fact that he was working Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. His regular 24hr shift was Monday then Tuesday and Wednesday he was working at a firehouse close to home and I checked up on him to confirm that he was really there.

He just has seemed so addicted to this whore I can't believe he doesn't have a day scheduled to be with her. Interestingly enough Monday was supposed to be her first shift at a new firehouse.

She was probably busy.

Did you read the gaslighting thread? He can also be trying to lessen his guilt of destroying his family to be "super dad".

In the past he has definitely been gaslighting me. Reading that thread made me realize he has done that a lot. But over the last few months has always seemed so cocky. It was obvious the his ego was getting bigger as this thing continued. But now he seems depressed. It just seems so different then how he has been. It surprised me. And honestly I liked it. For once it seemed like I was the stronger one.

He's still in his affair and so he's cake eating.

He has you and her feeding his EN.

How's your Plan B preparations?

Have you exposed yet?

I am meeting with his sister in law tomorrow and I am then going to make the other phone calls. I am actually really looking forward to talking to his sister in law. I know it will feel so much better just to get all this out in the open.