My wife tells me daily: "I have not had any direct or indirect contact with OM since the last time I mentioned this."

Caracal....this is something that SH has the WS say to the BS on a daily basis.....this is what my WS was supposed to say to me daily but never did as my WS was still in contact. Steve would ask me questions to see if the WS had been doing their assignments.

Thanks for pointing this out LR... I have not read this before. Guess I need to read some more!

I suppose this reassurance, whilst adhering to EP's and walking the walk, would help make the BS feel safer.

It came out during phone coaching so you would not read about it.

Hi Caracal. I hope this does help you understand the process a bit.

Yes, talk is cheap. I asked the dorm roommate to verify that my wife did say 'don't contact me' then hung up and called me; she did verify that's what happened.

As for snooping, I still check all phone records of my wife, I have a GPS on my wife's phone (per ML suggestion), looking for a keylogger (my wife has mac so it's a bit hard to find a good one), still going through her e-mail, still checking browsing histories. Yes, my boundaries are still up. I'm not just taking her word.

Dr. Harley said no need to continue with the divorce filing since we are working on the marriage. He agreed with the post-nup.

In the meantime, we are trying to follow the marriage builders advice. Things like practicing habits that make the other person happy (or stopping habits that make the other person unhappy), applying POJA to small decisions (where to eat, what to do), stopping angry outbursts (and when we both feel things escalating, we just stop the impending argument and agree to continue at a later time).

In any case, don't worry. My motto is going to be 'keep expectations low and boundaries high' while we are still recovering. I want to see actions, not words, and it needs to be over time.

Have you tried this?
Keylogger for MAC

You are doing great! Keep it up, I hope this pays off for you in the end.

It's not at all hard to find a good one. How can you come to that conclusion after reading all the recommendations on Operation Investigate? eblaster has been recommended there dozens of times.

Please open the link that Brainy sent you and get the eblaster right now. It will take you about three minutes.

Okay. Got it. Will try and install it later tonight when she is asleep. . .

hello jah. i am happy to hear you feel you are doing well. and you're right - it's very early days and you need evidence over time. a long time. that's what recovery is all about.

Here you go! Spectorsoft makes eblaster for MACs and it is one of the best keyloggers out there. It will email you the reports so you only have to access her computer once. https://www.spectorsoft.com/products/eBlaster_Mac/index.asp?source=HomePage-hs-ebMac

jah - how are you doing? what's going on at your place?

X 2.

Thinking of how you are getting on. Keep us in the loop.

Hi Everyone,
Sorry it's been awhile since I have been on. I've been busy, busy, busy.

I took off for 5 weeks from work, now in my third week. Have been working with my wife and Steve Harley for awhile now. We have also been going though the marriagebuilders course, watching the videos, going through questionnaires.

My wife is still telling me daily, 'I have not contacted OM directly or indirectly since the last time we talked.' This has helped alot with my sanity. I still snoop like crazy, though, and so far, no phone calls, no lying on where she is based on GPS tracking, no chatting. She is still in withdrawal a little from time to time, one I did catch her once doing a google search on the OM (she said she wanted to see a picture of him). We discussed this with Dr. Harley, and it counts as indirect contact, so she will not do that any more. She has been watching the videos and agreeing with the concepts. It's more than just an interest; she seems fascinated by the concepts. So that's a good thing. We discuss things afterwards, and practice POJA with all the small decisions we make.

She also POJA agreed to move to the other island and away from college, and agreed that the college life is a big problem in her infidelity. She's going to see if she can get that last class she needs away at home (online?)

Dr. Harley is a big help; he basically does the work for me and tells my wife the way it is. Instead of arguing over the details of a concept, he just explains to my wife and I how it should be.

We have been having lots of assignments; the most recent one is my wife had to identify which emotional needs were the greatest for her, which ones leave her the most vunerable, and how to create an environment where she would not have them met by another man again.

That's about all the updates I have to far. Thanks again everyone for getting me to this point; probably next time I might ask Dr. Harley if my wife should sign up for the marriage builders forum too. Aloha!

Hey, awesome stuff, jah! Please keep in touch.

So glad to hear it jah.

I'm happy to hear your WW is making efforts to earn the F. Keep up the good work mr and mrs jah!

I love reading this !!!!!!!!
I'm going to quote this on a different MB thread where a certain BS could use some encouragement.

Great news, Jah. Still miles to go before you sleep, but you deserve a lot of credit for your strong, proactive stance. I pray that it all works out for you. Keep us updated, please.

jah, update?