(((((((wulffpack_girl))))))

Yeah I have to agree with your friend.
God doesn't have to punish us, we do a great job of that ourselves with our knowledge and how smart we are

If we would only just let Him in to reign his creation, instead of respectively "considering" his point of view

As you have seen and experienced, you are not alone with this kind of loss, of innocence, and many other things also I am sure WPG.

I agree with the poster in not letting H use you for sex either. Your not his charity case. I hope he wakes up soon

Hang in there and let the one who loves you reign in your heart

Just compensation does not consist of deeds that hurt you or are sacrifice for you:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=2099

And another Marriage Builders secret: despite being a huge emotional need, sex alone will not cause a man to fall in love. It turns out conversation is more effective:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=940

Don't let him use you like that WPG. You will not win him back by letting him use you. You do not owe him that, either.

Either he needs to divorce you, or he needs to recover with you, but keeping you in limbo and using you for sex is cruel beyond measure.

Ditto

Didn't Dr. Harley himself tell you to go to Plan B?

That is excellent advice.

**EDIT**

Nobody's telling her to "jury rig" Plan B to fit her situation, NG. We're telling her to go to Plan B.

There is absolutely no reason a FWW cannot go to Plan B. Her situation is no more difficult or special than anybody elses who needs the protection of Plan B.

**EDIT**

Moderator note: please stop disrupting this thread.

Just bringing back what Dr. H told her back in the beginning of April, and her health is declining.

WPG,

IMHO, you've given it your best effort, and like everyone else has said.....it's time to move on. I know your situation is less than ideal with BH unemployed, but you are not a personal charity. He is a grown man who knows how to survive on his own. File for a divorce and ask him to leave. Recovery takes two and you only have one interested. You can't make someone love you. Please, end your suffering. God speed.

Here's a great radio clip about if a BH won't get on board with recovery. Dr. Harley says if a BH won't get on board with recovery then the WW should let him go. If the BH won't get on board to "fish or cut bait".
Radio Clip on a BH not getting on board with recovery

Thanks for the clip, BH. And here's another instance where Dr. H recommends 2 years to "wait out" the husband's indecisiveness. Interesting that Joyce mentioned the H had been a caller on the show earlier-wonder what their advice to him was at that time?

I know...Dr. H has given me his advice, and it's up to me to take it. I just can't even visualize plan B right now, with broken unemployed. I see it as I already took so much from him, I would be abandoning him. Again.

In the back of my mind, I also believe that the main reason he lost his job was because of my infidelity. He has always gotten glowing performance reviews at work, and work (along with life in general) was such a struggle for him after he discovered my infidelity. I find it suspicious that his company laid off him and only him, and no one else has lost their jobs there.

I still love him. It's my fault that he's lost so much. I know I can't make him love me again, I have given up hope of that. Once he finds a job, we can proceed with the divorce, and I do plan to have minimal contact only after D. But I have to make sure he will be OK first.

I'm sorry...I don't mean to vent, because like I said, I've gotten advice from the best, but I have not yet chosen to implement it, so my sitch is what it is...I just had a horrible week last week, with my grandma's death, and I kept reading about karma, and wondering if I am only getting what I deserve, and if so, when does the universe decide that it's enough? I want broken and I to be happy. I understand that the chances of us being happy together are over and done with, but I would like for us both to have a chance at true happiness. I do believe it is out there somewhere. It can't just be "existence," as broken says. There has to be more than that. Knowing that we're not going to be with each other, I only want us to have the best chance at that happiness separately. Our current circumstances are just making that difficult right now

oh WPG, my heart breaks for you. and we are here for you to vent.


it's my understanding that even god forgives you if you repent. and you, WPG, are repentant, and have been for a long time.

WPG, only you can decide when you've had enough. to make it stop, you have to act. i totally get why you aren't ready to do so. but it is very possible you BH will never make any move. he is very stuck in his rut, and you are making it possible for that to continue. one of the fellas said on the previous page that your BH may be quite content to just exist.

but you are not. and so, you have to be the one that acts and makes life change, for both of you. as painful as that might be, with you feeling that you're only hurting your BH more, perhaps taking action now is the penance you have to do to free both of you.

you can both be happy again; maybe not together, but free from this sluggish he11 you're both in now. it's like quicksand (an odd name for slow death), just pulling you, ever so slowly and painfully, down into nothingness.

I'm sorry for your loss.


WPG, As a Christian, I'm often reminded that the punishment for sin is... death! In other words, complete and permanent seperation from God. That's what we deserve! Your sins, my sins, even brokens sins are deserving of death! You can either accept what Jesus did on the cross or reject it. His work there either covers all or it covers nothing. There is no Karma in Jesus' work. Jesus delivered a work of grace that flys in the face of "what goes around, comes around". Please seek His presence and His protection by crying out to Him when you are spiraling down and He will carry you through.

I pray for His presence and protection throughout your family. And may you find His grace sufficient.
2 Corinthians 12:9

If this is the caller "Roger" then it might explain why he can't get over his wife's 10 year affair.
Radio clip of Roger his wife had a 10 year affair
Segment #2
Segment #3

Hi WPG

I'm sorry that your marriage was not recovered. If broken wants a divorce have you looked into paying him alimony for x period of time assuming he is still unemployed down the road...along with possible other conditions that would show JC to him. I don't know what your financial situation is and am in no way suggesting you live in a box but have you looked at options? I do not think his idea of fantasy divorce is good for any of you.

D is not going to happen overnight. Filing could wake him up, it could anger him despite him saying he wants one, he could shrug his shoulders...you won't know until you take that step. I currently do not work and my ex agreed to pay me alimony for a period of time. I will eventually have to go back to work but I'm grateful to have this time to get my life back together. Divorce is not easy on anyone...the BS, the WS, or the children but perhaps you can show JC with the terms of your divorce. Have you spoken to an attorney at all or done any research on D laws in your state?

Sorry to read about the deaths in your family. I agree with the others that God is not punishing you. Death is a part of life and crappy things happen no matter what. Don't let yourself go there either...no good will come of it.

WPG, i'm sorry i missed the line where your gma died. i'm so sorry for your loss. no god worth believing in would have taken your gma to punish you. please do not add that boulder to your already too-heavy load.