Yes, thank you markos. I will work on this. I have been defensive.

Oh and while we are at it, I kept EPs (ccing him on emails, etc) but in my mind I was doing it to be fair, not because I felt I needed to. So if once in a whole I sent an innocent email and forgot to copy him, what was the big deal? I hadn't been unfaithful.

Do you see what Ship has been dealing with?

I'm just getting really honest with myself. I have never admitted these things to myself before.

I am very, very sorry Ship. I hope he can forgive me.

This concerns me, Anointed. Very few wayward spouses actually have intentions to follow through. Your marriage is not protected just because of intentions.

It is good that you are seeing these weak spots in your boundaries now, before anything actually happened. What EPs will you put in place for yourself to build stronger boundaries, especially if you keep facebook?

People, both men and women, fall in love through conversation.
When you are feeling neglected or abused AND have poor boundaries, you're at a high risk for getting your EN met elsewhere. The problem with Facebook is that it is very, very easy to get one of your most important ENs met by other men: Conversation. Before you know it, you're in an EA.

You were concerned about Facebook before, since you shut it down. What's different about it now? How are your boundaries? Have you "friended" any men? Do you enjoy talking to them about things going on in your life?

Perhaps, since your primary purpose is to stay connected with your girlfriends, they should be the only friends you have on there.

Yup ..i totally agree with this. I only have friends on my FB that my wife approves and vise versa. Makes me feel cared for that she removes the people that she had met in online games .. etc .. that was on her facebook .. and same with me .. i had female ppl i met in online games on my FB and some of which my wife didnt approve. MY FB friends list only consists of my male friends ... and family members that I dont often get to see or interact with. PLus OUR computers are hardly even on .. who has time to be on a computer now a days when there is soo many things I could be doing with my wife and kids?

MNG

H and I share one FB account. It works out very well. We mostly want to share the same photos and friends anyway.

So what is your plan to take care of the complaints that ship has about you?

Facebook. Why not have a joint account?

I understand and agree completely. Ship has complete access to my facebook and has approved every male on my friends list. I do not add friends without his enthusiastic agreement. I always copy him on interactions that are not public but that doesn't really happen.

The only time I had private interactions was with a close friend of ours who had a WW. I was directing him through this site. Then I would copy and paste it into an email and send it to Ship.

Ship has my facebook password and can look through my activity at any time. I have invited him to do so on many occassions and meant it.

These attiude checks I've had to make have not been consistent heart problems. I have protected my marriage 98% of the time. The other 2% I am correcting. Right now.

Thanks Prisca.

Ship has approved my male friends and no, I do not have life discussions with any of the males on there.

I will only put females on my facebook if he would like that. I will do it to show him care.

Thanks MNG! Yes, we have discussed this at length, and I believe Ship is comfortable. If not, I will address any issues right away.

Also, he can look at my facebook on his phone anytime he wants.

Thanks y'all. We practically have a joint account. For a while it even had his name on it with me. It just annoyed me because he never made comments and people would ask me which one of us made the comment since it had both of our names. I figured since I used it 99.9% of the time that I'd change it back. If he wants his name on it again, I can do that.

This is an easy one.

We have a joint account as many of our friends. When we make a comment we just sign our name.

For example "kids look like they're having fun" Mr. BrainHurts

"That game was awesome" BrainHurts

Good answer Brain!

That is good. It is what I was doing before. I'll talk to Ship.

Also, Ship did the EN questionnaire 2 nights ago. I didn't realize it and just looked at it today.

Top 5 EN:
Honesty & Openness
Sexual Fulfillment
Financial Support
Admiration
Family Commitment

Ship said he wants me to put his name back on our facebook. So I am. Right now.

Good job.

I think that ship wants a good marriage.

So what's your plan to start meeting his needs?

Annoited, I'm concerned that you're all of a sudden like "Oh wow I was so awful. I hope he can forgive me. I'm adding his name to my FB right now." As if you're like trying to beat yourself up to compensate that it's not convenient for him that you want a different marriage with him. No, honey, you're a buyer. When you put yourself down, you hurt the marriage. The way to move forward is to ask yourself if you learned what you needed, ask God if you learned what He wanted you to form it, and then onward and upward. You and your H were in an extraordinarily difficult situation with little to no support. Those were the rough days. But now you have hope and a plan and today a partner who is working with you. These are the good days. Please Anointed leave that blame stuff alone, because what you do to yourself you will hear yourself do to him too!

Your stories show a lot of State of Conflict stuff, it doesn't make either of you bad or wrong or whatever. You see something that doesn't fit, so you correct it and keep going. Please keep the focus on your plan, what you can do to get some fun, light UA and RC time in daily.

And Anointed your H brought up your AOs with the kids. He didn't say it bothers him, so I am appealing to you as a mother, not a wife. You and Ship have had these patterns for whatever length of time, to the point that you both were are willing to live with it. But you can decide today to learn new skills with your kids, to teach them thoughtfulness. HNHN for parents talks about this, it isn't rocket science, just the same 15 hours FC (family commitment) time, thoughtful requests, respectful persuasion, negotiation, Friends of Good Conversation, that you will be practicing with your H. I was a yeller with my kids too, but it's all in the past now. I had to keep reminding myself "Is this how I teach my kids thoughtfulness?" And treating them better taught me to treat myself and my then-H better too. And it is so easy to practice with them keeping things light and fun.