Hugs to you home.

Regardless of your feelings right now... keep your options open.

Get the entire truth, so you can make an informed decision.

Right now, you don't know what to believe. Rightly so. Your WH has shown his words can not be trusted.

Have him take the poly.

Then you can decide if you want to recover the marriage... or not. Because you will have the truth. Pass or fail. It will show whether WH can be honest when you and his marriage are on the line.

And regardless, if he DOES fail, YOU will know you gave him and your marriage every opportunity to succeed.

I am filled with so much anger. This new revelation that he suddenly felt I deserved to know changes this affair from a mistake to a blatant disregard to me as a person. I have endured so much abuse from this person throughout my entire marriage it is overwhelming starting from age 14!! The emotion behind these recent lies makes my head spin! How he could burst into tears over his rape.

All of this stuff on this site suddenly seems rediculous. watch what money he spends, i've done that our entire marriage. Watch his internet usage, done that. Track him, done that. Drug testing, done that. He decided he was done and wanted to go screw whoever while I sat home with a new baby and 4 other kids. So I'm supposed to trust that he won't suddenly decide to do this again. Its not like I had warning. No arguments, no threatening he just left to be single. I'm not willing to take that chance again. Best part of it all was according to his timeline he screwed her on my birthday leaving my two preteens to try and make my day special.

He was continuing to find skanks to screw until I caught his phone bill while he wasn't living with me. He had the nerve to say i've found a love for you i've never had. Well I'm so glad 2 maybe more skanks helped you to realize this!

I met him at 14 baby at 15 married at 16. He had time to be single, find out what he wanted in a wife, sleep with whoever. I didn't, I gave him my entire teen and young adulthood. Thats what makes this do painful. He robbed me of this and then rated me so badly. I gave him my everything, all I had. Even after giving him another chance he still can't be a man and be honest. I feel so used up!!! I have no real questions I just need to vent, I'm sorry.

Can anyone give me info on polygraphs? Any links would be great.

Thanks

Polygraph Testing

He scheduled the polygraph for Tuesday at 12. The past two days have been filled with "truths" apparently. These truths included drug use, inappropriate behavior with woman, pornography.

Now what. I think he is under the assumption that now he has given me the proof and thinks he will pass the polygraph that everything is ok. I have been married to a stranger. I was his secret second life, not the other way around. I did have several AO and DJ's but SERIOUSLY everything I feared in him turned out to be true. I'm just dumbfounded. And all I hear is I love you I'm sorry I have changed. WHAT

I am expected by him to continue a marriage where I was never in love and have been chewed up and spit out continuously. I still believe there are more lies to come out. I didn't respond very well with the last ones so maybe he is waiting until at the office to drop the rest of the bombs! Is this common? I feel like the affairs have started all over!

Hello homefor5. I have found your thread and want to tell you to stand up for yourself. Stay strong!!!! Face whatever comes. You want to know the information, so hear it. You can't change that he did it. You CAN decide what you are going to put up with NOW!!!! I read your words and realize that they are how I feel. It is amazing how deceiptful people can be, isn't it? I have realized that you can't "tell" what kind of person someone is sometimes when they are hiding who they really are. Sometimes the "real them" doesn't come out until the problems start. When you are young, enjoying life, first together, no kids, things cruise along pretty well. Then when issues start arising, they don't have the coping skills to deal with them, their fears put road blocks up and prevent them from handling things correctly. The biggest thing I have realized is then, when they start to make destructive choices in ways to cope, choices in ways to escape, choices to try to bring some happiness or peace, it boils down to their character. I am not even close to perfect, but I would NEVER have made the choices my H has made, over and over again. All that said, YOUR actions couldn't have determined your husbands character for him. He had to do it on his own. You can't/couldn't have controlled any of his thinking or choices. So free yourself of that.

What matters at this point is: does he want to face his fears, make the changes necesary to be a better man, a better husband and a better father, or does he want to continue letting his fears guide him and live a deceiptful life that is destroying you, himself, your marriage and your family? I may be wrong in my philosophy, so take it or leave it. I believe that we all inherently want to be good, so when we avoid dealing with any issue and make destructive choices to cope with it, it is usually because of some deep fears we have that have shaped our whole life, how we feel about ourselves, etc.., how we love and respect ourselves or not and what our character is. You can love him through things, but not to your detriment, not if it is enabling his destructive behaviors!!! You can love him through this ONLY if he decides to make the changes necessary to have a relationship with you. There IS NO having relationship with someone who is doing the things he does. That is NOT a relationship!!!

I have been trying to talk through issues of our past so I can get answers to certain things I've always had questions about. I am getting extremely frustrated with answers like "I'm going to have to say no" and I have to think about that". What does that even mean. The answers to these questions are yes or no. Would you read this as he is being arrogant or he is still keeping things. Its almost like he is debating in his mind if this is the right time to answer that truthfully. Maybe this goes into thinking that a passed poly means reconciliation and a failed poly means divorce. Like he is going to wait until the poly and answer things truthfully and drop the bomb on me there. I just don't get it. I deserve to know about my passed and have my feelings towards certain situations addressed and answered. You guys are very good at calling people out, how would you read this?

homefor5,

His post on his own thread says that if he passes you will leave, and if he fails you will leave. IMO the very mention of not passing is indicating that he knows there is a reason he may not pass. It is also indicative to me of him drumming up a reason now as to why he won't go through with the poly (she would have left either way).

Based on that and the comments you gave in your last post, I believe he is still lying to you. Sorry

They rarely come completely clean. If they cared enough to come completely clean, you would see it in so many other ways - in his actions, in how he speaks to you, in how is trying to make up for it, seeing fear in him that he has goofed up, etc.... I don't know if he is showing you enough remorse to indicate the desire to be completely honest. I do believe that he is holding back quite a few things. Why can't they just understand that we are willing to work through it with them, so they just need to come clean?

I was told the we need to stop and let the poly do its work

I was told the we need to stop and let the poly do its work

Sorry new at this

You need to MAN UP and tell your wife the truth NOW. Stop being a little weasel and just tell her the truth. Haven't you put this woman through enough hell? Suck it up, man up and just get the damn truth out there.

I did but remember I m a lier she will not believe me let the poly do its work be for someone gets hurt let the poly do its work I rold all I have to tell thanks guys no more posting from me on here

No, you need to do your own work and tell the truth. Are you running from the forum now? Why?

Isn't there a rule against posting on one anothers thread?

The bomb has dropped again. It has been revealed that his affairs have taken place between men and woman. Due to embarrassment he concealed them.

I realize this site is for martial recovery but I hope it is for personal recovery as well. After this entire year of following this forum I have never run across a similar story. I am devastated, shocked, and immensely hurt.

We follow through with the poly on tuesday and he is finding his own place. What road do I take here for personal healing? I am so broken from this man I cannot even breath properly! Any encouragement or advise would be great. He claims he isn't gay but has a sexual problem. Please help me!

Home,

One thing that is the most wonderful about MB is that even if you don't save your M you will save YOU. This is not a M at all costs. Dr. Harley treats same sex affairs the same as an any affair.

If you are truly ready to separate I would prepare for Plan B as you file for D. Do you have the link?

Do you really believe he has had gay affairs too? I wonder if this isn't another crazy lie designed to throw you off balance? Like the lies about the rape story.

I feel so bad you are going through this. It is pretty obvious he is still lying about a lot. Will he sit down and write out a timeline detailing his affairs?