kandi--<P>Sigh. I truly can't imagine the pain you're dealing with. Nor your H's pain, in having OC to whom he cannot easily show his affection. Daycare Disaster here on this board would be another good advisor because she deals daily with contact with the OW. <P>I hope you and H can come to terms with your situation, for your mutual happiness. It sounds to me that your strongest complaints (and understandably so) are contact between OW and your H, and her acceptance in his family while you feel unaccepted. These combined problems create more strife than if H's time w/OC is isolated as JUST that--his time with his son. Enough feelings to contend with for that alone! <P>Might your H be able to talk w/his family about treating you w/respect, while you work on "mending fences" with them yourself? Obviously lots of complicated feelings are involved here and it will take some time. <P>Some thoughts on OC's bday...how about agreeing to a few inexpensive gifts, from the both of you? I say inexpensive not to lesson your H's importance to the child, but due to the fact that your budget simply cannot handle excessive expenditures right now. You could maybe present this idea to your H, instead of demanding that he work another job to come up with the money (which takes him away from you and your little ones longer)...unless that's the family plan to which you've agreed for your budget. I would suggest not telling him he's gotta specifically work extra to provide gifts for OC--wouldn't that set up more bad feelings needing resolution between you?<P>I'm so glad your H is no longer laid off from work. That must have been a horrible worry on your shoulders.<P>By the way, is your H paying child support to OW? Just a thought--if she's not forcing the issue (although I'm sure you understand that she is legally entitled to support), wouldn't it be in your better interests to support your H's efforts to provide what little he can for OC in the form of gifts and time? Just some food for thought, I don't mean to be "butting in" here unwelcomed. Note I say "for OC." I do not believe your H should have ANY contact with OW other than drop-off and pickup of OC for visitation, and I would probably be so out-of-sorts about it if I was in your situation I'd be right there too or doing it myself until I felt better! But that's just me. <P>The best piece of advice I ever personally got concerning relationship problems w/my H was "Choose your battles carefully." With our incompatibility problems, that's certainly helpful to us! And the best piece of communication advice I ever read was "When conversations start becoming heated, 'edit' your comments. Stay polite in spite of differences of opinion." Those two wisdoms have saved both of us a LOT of arguing. Do we still argue sometimes anyway? Absolutely. <P>One more thing...<P>nonplused--I think it was very kind of you to take the time to respond to kandi's post. I've always felt I myself benefit from all responses even when they contrast. Gives me a different perspective, ya know? And when I'm mad about something, sometimes that's exactly what I need to hear. Your replies reminded me of the saying, "It takes a village to raise a child." Nothing more true in the big scheme of things.