I don't want to tell my family because they are conservative Christians who didn't like him because he is not a Christian.

When I was at my lowest with the depression, they renewed their dislike for my H all over again because I was going on and on about this and that against him.

What I left him for was that I found several pills among his things that I googled and discovered they were pain pills, obviously not prescribed to him. I completely ... how to explain this.. flipped out on him that night and the next day left and cut off contact.

army, if he can't control himself until our lease is up I don't want in and we might as well get it over with.

hi redtulip. all of us here have at one time thought that our WSs would "never" commit adultery. we have all also been terrified of exposure. and, of course, we have all, at some point early on, felt that our relationships were different or had extenuating circumstances. sadly, none of that is true. we are all in the same boat; the boats just have different paint jobs.

you should consider the fact that you have not been married very long and your WH has already had an a. regardless of the circumstances. all of us are 50% responsible for the state of our Ms pre-a. but the WS is 100% responsible for the a. period.

right now, you are in the pre-a state of M (plan C). this is not conducive to recovery, and can lead to a FR or even another a. you do not want this.

i know you are worried about parents, but you see, parents can have a big influence in keeping the WS accountable. and if you love your WH, and he DOES commit to recovery, his actions will show your parents that he is worth the effort. all parents want what is best for their children. a repentant WS will have a great effect on how your parents treat the two of you. your parents are your support system. you need to be able to confide in them. it's perfectly fine to tell them you love him, and with your new babies and all that you want to recover your M and need their support to do so. when you talk to them like this, they will see you more as an adult, rather than as a child. you are a grown woman now with your own M.

btw, 4 months down the road is nothing in regards to exposure. it's never too late, and keeps your WH on the narrow road. please do think it over, and read some of the threads here and over in recovery to see how it goes for others. the confidence it gives you makes you a whole new person in the M, and makes your WS have a newfound respect for you. sure, they are mad in the beginning, when they think it's all about them, rather than restoring the M. but your M can survive anger. it cannot survive a relapse.

redtulip, what do you mean by him 'controlling himself' until your lease is up?

I am reading the materials on this and I don't think I will change my mind on the exposure business, though I will keep it in mind. I'm feeling very zero tolerance today... i really feel like, the a is his problem, and I don't want to suffer anymore because of it.. and I would be humiliated.

martial, army thinks that because the ow lives in the neighborhood I should pack up this instant and leave. There are 2 more mos on our lease. My H can not wander around the neighborhood or go on his usual runs for that long I think.

he's not screwing around on me, he screwed around on me. and he's not drugged up. if it turns out that he is a. screwing around on me or b. drugged up, then I am out. By the way, I made this totally clear to him within a couple days of finding out and he understands. its about my pride, sure, its about the gossip that i know for a fact goes on, and mostly its that i know that my parents will commit themselves to breaking our marriage apart, and i will have to stop seeing them, and I dont want to stop seeing them.

Then how did he do it the first tme without your knowledge?

He had sex with her without you knowing.
He got her pregnant without you knowing.
He went with her to have the abortion without you knowing.

So what snooping do you have in place to confirm this?

What EPs is he willing to do?

marital, about your previous post, i feel pretty good about saying he doesn't have a problem with pain pills. I dont think polygraphs work.

and i get my parents love me and want to protect me. I appreciate that really.. but coming out with this just a few months after the depressive episode is not a good time to get them to respect me as an adult by telling them my H cheated on me during that time... shouldn't i trust my gut on this?

i know that my parents will commit themselves to breaking our marriage apart,