Should we move??? Many of you have read my situation and have been very helpful in getting me (us) to the point we are...My WWhas been doing all that I ask, took POLY, wrote and sent NC letter, put and continues to put in place "precautions", has read SAA faster than I could and has printed out the forms to prepare our EN ect....I think she is comming out of the fog and is serious about this and the MB plan. I have also been reading. One struggle I am having is clearing my mind of my WW and the OM. We have not been intimant since the discovery as I feel that I am not ready. WW understands and tells me it is up to me when it is the right time. WW has moved on to reading "His needs, her needs" and continues to reassure me the A is over and she is 100% focused on us. I am just so reluctant to let my guard down and open myself up to her. I have been reading numerous posts here as well as listening to the radio archives that I subscribed to. All I hear is to focus on "her" emotional needs over and over again. I feel as if I am just stuck in a rut waiting to be hurt again. The area we live is only approx. 220k people. You often run into the same people over time. I just fear that things could be rekindled and it will be all for not. The other fear I have is my WW almost followed Dr. Harleys predictions to a "T". After I looked into the A, WW went an entire month (April) without seeing OM and then in early May, met with OM again and had a full blown PA. WW insists she is done and has not seen OM since that time. This was verified via Poly. Was WW going through "withdrawl"? Should I beleive now that it IS done? WW has really followed all of MB principles and continues to do so. A part of me just feels that I need to get out of this town so as to not risk it. Any thoughts??

My thoughts? If you're not 1000% comfortable in that town after DDay, move.

One thing I would do as a condition is demand she get back on her thread and let these people help and guide her in rebuilding what she has broken. Yeah, she's gonna get beat up on a little, but it's that little thing called tough love that usually has a pretty good ending if the one on the receiving end is willing to listen and learn. The folks here know what they are doing, and your wife (and you as well) would be making a huge mistake not taking advantage of what is being offered.

Good clip about moving after an affair.
Radio clip on moving locations after an affair

WW and I have read SAA. We have His needs Her Needs the workbook and Love Busters. We have started to read HNHN. Will doing this in this sequence be just as affective as the on-line program?? We have subscribed to the MB Radio archives and been picking seveal of those to listen to also. I honestly just don't have the $1,000 it costs after picking up the aftermath of this A, cost of poly, travel to have it done ect...Don't get me wrong I can't put a price tag on my marriage but if we can read the books and do the workbook can we do just as well???Thanks again...

I wanted to post on emore thought in case anyone can chime in on this...I reread my post from day one when I discovered the A. I see all the lies and eventually I came to my sences and had her take apoly. WW passed, but as many of you know you can only get and verify so much with a poly. I appraoched it as I wanted to get the nuts and bolts of it and make sure that certain things that were "deal breakers" were answered. Those things were to her credit and I have tried VERY hard to stop taking about the A with WW. I keep comming up with intricate detail questions mostly about each PA. These kind of things WW has elaborated on quite a bit, more than I ever wished to know, but for some reason I feel are important to my mindset to move on. All I read though is STOP taking about A after poly. I guess it doesnt matter what positions they were in during PA, what WW was wearing ect...but for some reason it bugs the $%#@ out of me. The other things is Extrodinary Precautions. WW has done all I've asked and then some, but we all know that "where theres a will theres a way" and that's how I feel. NC letter was sent, phone number changed, I feel I have access to all electronic communication ect. Yea, WW could go to a local store and ask landline phone (WW did it during affair after I found out they were taking), could ask to use a friends cell phone (did this also). I feel I have put and/or asked for as many EP as possible but feel there is still gaps. We have discussed relocating, but are unsure of uprooting entire family (OM wins then). I hope people are not too qucik to bash WW as she has done whatever I've asked as far as EP and then some. I just know that there are still ways they could reach out to eachother if they wished. WW has agreed to take yearly poly's to put my mind at ease in this area as well as a post-nup if I wished. Thoughts...

KGaa, get her back on her thread. Make it mandatory. I think at the point you and your WW are now, you could recover this with nothing more than the help of this board, but the folks here can't help if she won't step up and get involved.

Wife of KGaa, get back here. I read your short thread, and believe it or not, you really didn't get hammered that much at all. In fact, I thought it was quite subdued to be honest. You're going to get some tough love here, and some of it WILL hurt, but none of the advice or 2X4s you receive are meant to be anything more than to clear your head and help you rebuild what you have destroyed, okay? Your BH has found the best resource possible to repair your marriage, and you would be making a terrible mistake not jumping back in and taking full advantage of it.

You're familiar with the phrase looking a gift horse in the mouth, aren't you? Well, that's what you're doing, at your own marital peril. I know you're smarter than this, but scared. Hell, terrified may be more applicable. We all understand this.

Please come back. The people here really do want to help you and your husband. All you have to do is reach out and ask for it.

Hope to see you soon!

Oh, and one more thing you really should remember. This board is completely anonymous. Your identity will stay a secret for as long you wish it to. There really is no reason for you to fear this place. Seriously, what do you have to lose? But more importantly, what do you have to gain?

Think about it.

Kgaa, just what are you looking for from this board? Seriously. You spot post here and there, then stop. You never answer in a timely fashion. You get your WW to start posting, and then she abandons ship as well because she got her little feelings hurt for being called out on her bad choices and actions by people she doesn't even know and will never meet.

Are you just looking for somewhere to blog? If that's the case, then fine, but please let everyone know so that they can stop wasting their time on you and spend it more constructively on people that are actually serious about recovering their marriage.

I'll hang up and listen, oops, I mean, wait........

again.

First off, I'm sorry some feel as if I "spot" post. Believe me I have better things to do with my time then "blog". I made two previous posts relative to some of the difficulties I am having after my WW A. (1) the reaccurring thoughts of the details of the PA which prompts me to continue to bring up the A to her (not good as Dr. Harley says) (2) Regarding EP's. I questioned wether or not those who have been through this feel I have enough in place to have a succesful recovery. I have been through Hell with this A and was lucky to find this site for support. In between what I feel I need to ask is a family deeply hurt which needs my attention...not to mention reading and following the books from MB. Among all that my WW and I still have to live in the world of work and supporting our family. I am not here to Blog or chat to make myself feel better! I want to gain the insight from those who are supposed to know what has worked and has not. I f I am doing what I best need to be, then leave it at that and I'll move on..otherwise provide positive insight from experience.

And just how can you gain this insight by not giving timely updates? You think I'm busting on you, but I'm trying to help you.

I don't think my questions were out of line. Sorry if they pissed you off.

I have made an effort to give updates as my WW and I moved through the steps. When WW was not comming clean I listened and requested the POLY. WW took it and passed. Began to put in place EP. Sent NC contact letter. Ordered MB books to start program to the best of our ability. When I started to provide updates, I was told by another poster that "we don't need updates, just do what your told"....Ok, I am and had a couple questions and this is the response I get. I beleive in the MB program and feel it will recover our marriage. But positive insight and advise is better taken when people are actually moving in the right direction...save the 2x4's for those that are not listening to what is said and give credit to those that are.

Best of luck.

what should I be doing different?, What did I miss? Answer anyone?

Are you trying to move?

WW and I have discussed this option. I have looked at the job market in a couple places and we have discused a (1) week trip to check it out. WW states "I understand your point of view" triggers, fear of contact ect...and she states if that's what will make you feel better I will do it. We have a lot going for us here and part of me feels like trying to let WW make me feel secure. The other part says, move, and ther are no worries....

Dr. Harley often advocates moving after an affair.

Fresh start.

Why is your WW not posting?

x2

Moving has it's pros and cons but when you say this, "The other part says, move, and ther are no worries...." what do you mean by no worries?

ETA: What is your WW's username?

Also did you get into your doctor for ADs?

Were you and your WW tested for STDs?

What program did you end up signing up for?

Are you still talking about her affair?

What are her top EN?

How much UA time are you getting?

Blackraven,

His wife is whathappened76.

KGaa12,

We are here for you and want your M to survive.