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SC68:
I hope you are still here reading and learning, like Markos suggested. He also suggested your husband has something to hide. I couldn't agree more.
It sounds like you are married to what Dr. Harley calls a "stay out of trouble" liar. (Brainy, do you have link ? ). He tells *some* truth, but leaves out so much important information to keep his own butt out of trouble. He wants others to see him as a good man who is a truth teller, and he convinces himself that a grain of truth is the same as "telling the truth". He is deceptive. He is a LIAR.
When you go searching for truth, I bet he throws you off the truth trail. Does he suddenly become the model husband ? Offer to take you out to supper? Fix the leaky faucet that's bugging you ? Initiate sex and tell you how amazing you are ? This is the lazy coward's way. There is no substitute for radical honesty.
You feel unsafe because you ARE unsafe. You know something stinks here. This whole marriage started with lies.
I admit you have a lot of strikes against you. If this marriage has a snowballs chance in hell, you have to start with TRUTH.
me: FWW/BW
Married 20 years, 4 kids
We made it.
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Here you go. The "avoid trouble" liar is used to getting their way. They usually have a long history of agreeing to anything and then doing what they please. When confronted with their lie, they promise they will never do it again, another lie, of course. They are usually very cheerful people because they are living a life that suits them just fine. If people would just stop telling them what to do, they think there would be no need for dishonesty. What they think makes them dishonest, is people trying to change them. They don't think it's right, so they tell people whatever they want to hear just to get them off their backs.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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Also here is a good radio clip of Dr. Harley explaining the different kinds of liars. Radio clip on the different kinds of liars
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 357
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Thanks Brainy ! You are fast as lightening.
me: FWW/BW
Married 20 years, 4 kids
We made it.
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Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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Thanks Brainy ! You are fast as lightening. You're very welcome. Haha, only when I've actually had some sleep.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Hey Brainy, I thought I read on another thread that you don't sleep!!! hehehe. Thank you for posting the links that you do. I click on them almost every time. I still can't get the radio links to work. I didn't install the chrome or whatever it was that you told me too. I have so many other things downloaded on here that should work. So, I guess I won't be able to listen to them.
BS Me 47,WH 49
DS's x3 17, 10, 7
Multiple D-Days
No disclosure by WH. No EP's, no transparency, no guilt or remorse either.
Plan C DOES NOT WORK!
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Hey Brainy, I thought I read on another thread that you don't sleep!!! hehehe. Thank you for posting the links that you do. I click on them almost every time. I still can't get the radio links to work. I didn't install the chrome or whatever it was that you told me too. I have so many other things downloaded on here that should work. So, I guess I won't be able to listen to them. I don't sleep like I should.  You're very welcome. I love posting the links and clips. Did you try downloading firefox? Melodylane could only get it after she downloaded firefox. Have you seen this? Trouble listening to radio clips: try this
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Jan 2013
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I'm new here, looking for help in dealing with my dishonest husband. This "avoid trouble liar" is him! "If you'd just agree with me, I wouldn't need to hide things. I'm not lying, I'm just protecting you from getting mad". I didnt' know there was a name for this.
My 2nd marriage, his 4th. He has 3 adult children, I have none. Known each other all our lives. Married 4 years.
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I'm new here, looking for help in dealing with my dishonest husband. This "avoid trouble liar" is him! "If you'd just agree with me, I wouldn't need to hide things. I'm not lying, I'm just protecting you from getting mad". I didnt' know there was a name for this. hi di. can you start your own thread? that way, you'll get some replies. if you can add some basic info (how long married, any children, how much you know about MB) that would help.
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Joined: Jan 2012
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whoops, sorry, your sig line didn't come through in my reply preview!
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