GJM, when anyone isn't in Plan B, they think they are doing okay. I can tell you, from personal experience how much better you will feel while in Plan B.

What I would suggest for you is to get an IM, not allow her to see you during pick ups and drop offs, and see her as little as possible. If you "need" to be in the same place as she is, ie. a football game, ensure that you are no where near her, and that she doesn't even see you. Also, that you don't hang around where she is.

Of course you are dealing with having your family torn apart, I had to deal with that too. I can most definitely tell you that being in Plan B can help you recover much more quickly. You owe it to your kidlets to recover fully, and as quickly as possible.

NUDGE NUDGE. Get yourself into Plan B. I would suggest a full on one, but I see your resistance to it. Maybe, after some time in you'll see the benefits of going full on PB.

I second Scotty GJM.

Even after my D I continue to Plan B my XWH. It has been peace. I know others who are D and aren't in PB and they're in constant drama and pain.

Another nudge.

A good reason for a Plan B where you aren't in that situation to begin with.

That is what you posted earlier. My divorce will be final in less than 4 weeks. It makes me sad to see her or deal with her calls. The more you are around her the more you will be sad.
I read that Dr. harley recommends 2 years of no contact after divorce, to help healing.

I found an excellent radio clip from Dr. Harley of why it's a good idea to go into Plan B after divorce. Tell me what you think.
Radio clip on Plan B after Divorce at 5:25 mark

My WXW has been dealing with some health issues since December and recently she had some really bad pain and bleeding so she was seen to get it taken care of. I don't know exactly what the problem is, but I almost feel bad for her because my kids need her in their lives. I don't want to say it's karma or feel any kind of justice from it, but it makes me wonder how the problems came about during a time when our marriage went south. She didn't have these problems before the affair. She says she has something to tell me, but she wants to do it face to face. I don't know what she wants to talk to me about. I haven't been talking to her. I'm curious though.

My kids are doing better and next week I start coaching the 7th graders. I'm excited and I love staying busy. It really helps keep my mind occupied. I'm thinking of moving out of my house. My dream was to own one some day with a swimming pool. I have been looking at some that I can afford. I think once football is over, I'll make a real effort to buy and start new memories.

Sorry to hear. I would never wish anything bad on anyone. I do hope everything is ok.

You sound good and enjoying football.

Thanks for the update.

I do hope she doesn't have any serious health issues.

Yay on the coaching!!!!!

GJM,

Given the kind of possibly indiscriminate sex your WxW engaged in, HPV is a good possibility, so she should get checked for cervical cancer.

God Bless
Gamma

If you need an IM for plan b let me know

I believe she was checked for cervical cancer. While she was still under my health insurance, I got the test results from the doctor mailed to me. I know she had some cysts that they were concerned about. It's been a bumpy road for her, but it seems she is determined to keep going down the same road that she's been on. She kept her military ID that wasn't due to expire until 2015, but now it's gone. Her credit just went down the tubes as well. In these almost two months that we've been divorced, there hasn't been any drama so I'm happy for that. I'll find out later what's going on with her health. I'm pretty sure that's what she wants to talk to me about.

GJM, how are you doing?? Any updates on the meeting with your WxW??
My wife and I have followed your story from the beginning and we were so disappointed in the outcome with your wife, but you followed the MB plan(s) and have come out the other side a better person and father. I know you don't see yourself as a success story, but everyone on MB does. We stand by you and the decisions you have made through this journey. Please take good care of you and keep us posted when you can.
And THANK YOU for your service.

Thank you BetterinPA,

I'm doing well. There hasn't been any drama with my WxW. She told me that DD 13 asked to live with her. I told her no right away and she didn't like my answer. I said I would talk to DD to find out what was going on with her. WxW said that she let DS 12 live with me so she didn't see it as a big deal. I explained in the nicest way that the situations are different and she knows the reason why DS 12 doesn't want to see her. I spoke to DD 13 and she said she kind of wanted to live with WxW and I asked her why. She said I was too strict and she was allowed to go where ever she wanted to at her mom's.

I had told DD 13 she wasn't allowed to go hang out at the park because there were other kids there that were up to no good and she didn't have a purpose there. I know she wasn't going to play on the swing set. She was going to loiter and talk to boys. I also make my DD 13 do chores at my house and her mother doesn't. I explained to my DD that I am raising her to be a successful and responsible adult. She said she understood and wanted to keep things how they are. I just asked her to communicate with me when she wanted to do something or wanted to ask for anything and that I wanted our relationship to be a good one.

Yesterday my aunt came and picked her up to spend some time with her. She comes back tomorrow. I'm glad she did so she could spend time with my family and get out of the house a little bit.

As far as the WxW goes, we haven't talked much. She invited me to do something on Sunday, but I never heard from her. I don't stop what I'm doing when things like this happen because they are expected. I'm used to it now.

On a brighter note, I have been so busy with coaching football that I don't really have a lot of time these days. The Marine Corps team that I coach had a game last night. We lost by two points. We came close to kicking a field goal at the end of the game last night, but the kicker missed. It's been a lot of fun.

Dr. H talked about a study on the radio show about children raised in single father home's compared to single mother's.

Tell us what you think.
Here it is: MATERIAL REFERENCED: Fatherless America by David Blankenhorn

Dr. Harley's Radio Clip on Fatherless America Study at 7:20 Mark

You love those radio clips!

Her reaching out to you to ask to do stuff is her way of checking if you are still available to you. That's why she doesn't follow through. She doesn't need to, she already knows that you're still there.

I would still suggest that you Plan B her.

You have done well and I think your story will be a great example to other BHs. Stick around. And share, when you have time of course.

GJM, I missed this. Are you telling me you haven't Plan B'd her?? You're not having a Friendly Divorce, are you??

I agree with the Plan B...let her know you are finished with her. That doesn't mean you have to be finished. It just means she needs to know she isn't allowed to whore herself around and then come back to you as backup. Remember she is wayward ... their brains are wired identical to addicts ... the addict still wants their safety and security even though their drug is more important.

GJM she is searching for the HIGH her POSOM gave her. It was probably a HIGH so powerful it is fueling her thoughts today. If she can only find that man again ... if she could only get a man to make her feel good again ... if she could just get a man who won't hold her accountable ... if she could just get a man who will be okay with her past serial cheating ... "need my HIGH ... need my HIGH!!!"

At the same time she sees GJM over there ... the changes, the patience, the niceness, and she thinks well if I don't find that HIGH soon then he will take me back. Let me just put my foot out here to test the waters and just see if I can recreate that HIGH again. I don't have to worry ... GJM is there. He will have me back. He is my fall back ... my safety ... my protector.

Cut the teenager loose ... soon you will notice your young son is more mature than her. Let her choices really get the consequences she needs. You don't have to give up on her ... you have to make it clear, she isn't allowed to have any part of GJM as long as she acts like a whore. You deserve more than that ... you deserve the entire Apple Pie ... the entire package of what a real woman will offer you.

Yes I do.

I've been listening to Dr Harley's radio clips thanks to BH. What I have discovered is that, like the radio clip on this page, he says that you can divorce and stay in Plan A. His words were that Plan A just means being nice. He also says Plan B can be helpful when there is conflict or pain of the affair is unbearable. Whether I'm friendly or not is irrelevant to the status that we are currently in. I will say this; I don't speak to my WxW much anymore unless it has to do with the kids.

That being said, I don't hope to bring my WxW back. I no longer feel like I want her to share my life with me. I am not looking back anymore. Godgivemestrength made a good point. She's immature and possibly thinks she can fall back on me. She's sadly mistaken. I have higher standards now and I know what it will take to have a good relationship in the future thanks to the wonderful people here.

One thing I've noticed lately is that some members are very aggressive to new posters and are so adamant about the steps BS need to take. I know the members mean well and know what works according to Dr Harley, but when I listen to him, he's not so aggressive with his tactics. He says exposure can be helpful on the same clip, but he doesn't say it's a must. Don't beat me up, I'm just repeating what he says. He does say it can be a great help to get the truth out in the open and he suggests it. I recommend it as well, but won't refuse to help someone that doesn't expose or get angry with them. That's my point.

As far as Plan B goes, I don't need it. I appreciate what Scotty says it can do for me, but I'm fine. I'm living my life the way I want to now. To be honest, I probably speak to my WxW about once a week and it's short and to the point. We're not friends by any means.