Well, you're too kind. He couldn't have listened to me as I didn't post to him! I didn't really have any right to be offended by his attack, but I was offended because the people he attacked were very kind to him and took time to post to him, advising him to take steps to verify NC for fear of the horrible possibility of a false recovery. They didn't have to try and help him avoid what many of us, including me, have gone through (FR). They didn't have to try and help him have a genuinely recovered marriage, instead of a limping, weak one. They knew that he wasn't convinced by the story (because he said so) and advised a polygraph among other things, so that he could get the truth and begin a genuine recovery, instead of living with the agony of doubt. they thought he'd come here to find out how to get out of that agony.

They didn't have to do all that but they did, and he attacked them. I joined the argument because I was outraged at that attack on a forum that does so much for complete strangers, all to avoid them struggling in ignorance.

nESRE,

Hello, my friend!

While I am working on being better each day, and we are both still healing, things are MUCH better than 2010 (God, has it been that long already?).

We continue to follow MB -- with a few hiccups -- but have a better marriage than ever before.

It is very, very nice to hear from you, and I hope you are healthy and happy.

Sugar,

Absolutely agree -- that was the gist of my second point.

I will be forever grateful for the 'kindness of strangers' -- the care and protection all of the posters on the forum willingly volunteer.

So could runnerbean if only he would heed their message...

Be well, SC!

You too, hfd.

My money is on wifey finding out he was here, told him to get off (the site, I mean), and posted the "nest of vipers" post herself. "nest of vipers" being the kind of illustrative pejorative more likely to be applied by a female.

The "I need some help" to "...but you can't supply it!" cycle was too rapid and discontinuous.

Well, I've always regretted including my first name in my display name, so now is as good a time as any to change it for good.

Thanks for the suggestion runnerbean.

I sincerely hope you reconsider your decision here. You couldn't get better assistance to save your marriage if you tried. It's a true pity you won't take advantage of what these folks, and Dr. Harley, have to offer you. But hey, it's your life.

Okay, to repay you for my new display name, I really want the opportunity to actually earn my way into the unnecessary insult that you hurled the board members way that are trying to help you.

Your wife is lying her wayward [censored] off to you. Keep your head in the sand if you like, pal, but I'll be curious to see just how long it takes you to choke on those lies. The sooner you realize that, the better position you'll be in to recover your marriage. Right now you're being played the fool, and doing a pretty damned good job at it I might add. Come back when you figure this out (and you WILL figure it out, I PROMISE you) and the folks here will still be here to help, assuming of course you're capable of apologizing for the aforementioned insults.

Best of luck.

Highly possible. Either way, he's a whipped man.

LOL @ Viper!!

Matt, you are breath-takingly out of line here. You've given NO real information on your situation and appear to have readied yourself to criticize any response you've been given.

Why are you here? You do not appear to want help.

LOL.. I've been wanting to this for a while. Tried to change to just Tiger, but it was already taken. The irony in this one was just WAY too much for me to pass up on, so I just couldn't resist the op.

OH! NOW I get it - you want warm-fuzzy, happy/uplifting posts. Sir, it appears that your wife is screwing around on you. I can't sugar-coat that, and the other posters here won't, either. No one is going to post warm-fuzzy posts to you - that will not help you. Why would we waste YOUR time with such nonsense, knowing that you have come here for help to save your marriage?

How can we help you?

ROFLMAO! NOW I know who Viper is!

Actually, if you take the time to consider the experience of those who have been down the road you are traveling, you would see that you've been offered some very useful information and advice.

The problem is not with the advice. The problem is you may not be willing or able to accept the reality of what you are facing.

I know first had because I and many others were in the same shoes. I could not possibly believe my ex-wife could have an affair. After all, this was the woman who vowed to be my faithful bride, forsaking all others. She was the mother to my child.

Boy was I blind to the truth.

Understand that your wife probably isn't who you think, believe or want to believe she is right now. She may be again, she may not.

So the most helpful things folks have to offer is the objective view of where you are right now.

If you are to have any chance, you have to see not with eyes that want to see your wife as you want her to be. You have to see her as she is right now to have any possible chance of having the wife and marriage you really want to have.

It's not only those having an affair who are living a fantasy. Typically, the betrayed spouse also has their own fantasy, refusing to believe their spouse has done what they've done. Downplaying the damage and risks of the affair, and thinking their instincts will serve them during this time.

As one who has both been in shoes similar to yours and with the experience of seeing other cases, you've been offered some very useful information.

The question is, are you willing to face the prospect that the information provided is likely more accurate than your idealized view of who your wife is at this moment?

If you are, then you will begin to grasp the usefulness of the information and advice you received.

Denial is very dangerous when it comes to affairs. EnlightenedEx is a testament to that truth.

LOL! Like I said, been wanting to do it for awhile, and then I got this lollypop.

Too much to resist. It was just there, and I seized it.

Viper fits. Thanks again runnerbean!

Love it Viper!!!!

Been a while since I posted, but can I share two thoughts?

Maybe Matt needs to do some snooping. In a week or two when it isn't stopped maybe he will be more open to advice.

Second, Matt I say this with all sincerity. If a husband cheats, often he will go running back to the wife hat in hand with this program. When a wife cheats, you better bring your A game.

I hope you're right. Our collective experience on the site says you aren't.

Ok, I wasn't going to bother doing this but as it seems neither of us can retract our original posts I feel I have no choice.

I am both the vile perpertrator of these tragic events and also Matts loving wife. Although as I type this I hear you all sneering at that.

I love my husband, and have loved him for 15 years since we met as young people. Our road to where we are now has been nothing if not rocky, but throughout all of these events we have continued to love one another although I admit at times respect has been seriously lacking - even none existant. I do not wish to go into all of the details and 'spill my guts' to a group of people who I have never, and probably will never, meet and who so far I feel have been lacking in any sort of helpful advice. I do acnowledge that if we were to continue in this forum some helpful advice may come but I think what we feel in this situation is that this type of help is not for us. I am sure none of you would be blind enough to assume that the marriage builders forum is the one and only way to recover from an affair. We intend to follow the MB principles and I have been studying those, we just feel that the forum aspect has been less than helpful.

Through previous events we married with a lack of respect on both sides and assumed, wrongly, that love was enough. We realise now that this is not true and for the first time i both love and respect my husband and i am commited to living in accordance with these principles. We are also lucky to have a very solid foundation on which to build.

We were directed here by a mutual Christian friend and we were directed here as a couple. We felt this was appropriate as secrecy is no longer an option for either of us. We have both had to be honest about a number of uncomfortable things since this happened and transparency now needs to be paramount. My original post - yes the dreaded 'acorn' quote - was a message to my husband and not to the forum which I now realise was a mistake as it was what seemed to trigger the initial outbursts from everybody, but I guess I assumed we could come here as a married couple and get help and support from a group of like minded Christians who would support and help us in our journey to recovery. In actual fact all we saw were a group of people who did not appear to believe that anybody could ever tell the truth again once they had lied once and that basically you are only as good as the last atrocious action you make. No worse than that, you are only as good as the worst action that you have ever done in your life and all of your comments and opinions should be judged from this horrible starting point.

So there we have it, I am guilty of a lot of things. Guilty of being deeply hurt as a young woman and never building the respect back to prevent further damage. Guilty of retreating into my shell for years and not talking about my feelings. Guilty of letting untreated postnatal depression take over my life. Guilty of having an affair. Guilty of lying. Guilty of letting my husbands issues and problems go untreated and undiscussed to culminate in situations where we ceased to be a functional couple for a long period of time.

However I adore him and we will get through this as we have got through so many other things in our time together.

Thanks for the polygraph and STD testing advice, which I think was the sum of the advice given. We will be using this as our start point.

You all seem to be having a lot of fun on this forum without us anyway so with our blessing - continue!

Thanks for your time folks!

If you want to truly recover your marriage juggernaut Dr. Harley has a wonderful program if followed.

Will you schedule a polygraph to prove to your BH?

Yes thank you.

However nothing further will be posted from me or my husband on this site at his request and my agreement.

I do hope you two will recover your marriage. If you stick around there is alot of excellent free information.

Have you checked out the radio show? IT's free. Can you afford the coaching center?

Good luck to you two.

Oh, also there are many wonderful recovered couples on here who have followed Dr. Harley's program.