I guess this thread should be moved to the SAA forum...

Yes. Hit notify and let the MODS know.

Capt. It is possible that she may have a secret phone. Also, if she knows about the GPS on her phone it would be easy for her to get around it by leaving it somewhere. Even though you know where she is...do you know beyond doubt WHO she is with?

You need to be in Plan A right now. No angry outbursts...that just gives her ammunition to paint you as the bad guy and justify her EA in her own mind. That is what we call foggy.

You need to be cool, calm, and in control...like James Bond.

Here.
Carrot and Stick of Plan A

Should I send an anonymous text to the person in her work? I have his cell phone number...

Anonymous! What, like 'The invisible man would like you to leave Mrs Crunch alone'?

No! You confront him as her husband. Her caring protective husband who is going to make his life a misery.

Do you have enough evidence/info to expose OM as well as WW?

I wouldnt tip your hand and confront before you have exposed. If he knows you know, he'll tell everyone his colleague has a crazy jealous H and pre-emptive strike your exposure.

Expose.
Plan A throughout.
Then confront him

This IS an EA. If not a PA. Colleagues dont joke about sex like that.

Can she read this thread? Tell the mods, if you think so by hitting notify.

I have a few chat texts from her work, here's one

WW: hey just tell me when and where
COWORKER: hahahahaha
COWORKER: you are like al bundy not me
COWORKER: married with children
WW: hahahha
COWORKER: you tell me when you are ready and all of that jazz
COWORKER: I'm flexible. i report to no one but 2 bulldogs
WW: why ... i dont think i've ever been called that before

and another
COWORKER: all i need?
WW: yea but i live in the moment
WW: so i dont think about the next day
COWORKER: i like that

I can't get much, she VPNs into work

These chats are from a few weeks ago (7/27-7-31) when she was saying she didn't know what she wanted to do, the lest few weeks have had less smutty oriented chats.

No sure if I dodged a bullet or what, but even if so, how long before it bubbles up again.

There was another text from here phone not like these but still I didn't like the tone of the text...

so no real smoking gun.... sheesh...

I've blown a gasket, she knows something is up and I'm watching everything...

It seems the more I press her the more she wants to stay but I think that may just be because she's kinda caught. That will wear off quick, once she gets through this she'll just move on. I think the only thing making her stay is I have the goods and she'd be totally embarrassed if the kids and family found out, of course at the same time, my wayward trip 12 years would probably be exposed as well to the family as well... So I big mess...

Hmm, it doesnt sound like you have MUCH in the way of evidence but that you are on the verge of getting the goods.

I'd Plan A her while snooping.

Do what you can to make her relax and think you are no longer suspicious. Remember she's addicted and she will screw up soon and you'll get your evidence.

Captain,

1. Who told you that OM is single?

2. Look for an affair phone.

As Indie said, you'll want to expose before you confront OM so that they (OM & WW) will not know what is coming.

When you expose them, calling (not texting!) OM that same day and giving him hell would give you more bang for the buck. You'll want everything coming down on them at once, not piecemeal. I really think that you have a chance of running this turd off--especially if he's married.

Also, how old are your children?

Capt, not sure how I wound up here, but here's my take.

What are you more concerned about? Your previous affair being FINALLY revealed, or preventing your wife from making the same/worst mistake of your/her life? Your betrayal to her should've been revealed years ago. All you guys did was sweep crap under the rug for years....no real healing, and no real plan. Frankly, I'm not surprised you're here. She's obviously been harboring resentment for a long time, and it would seem it's now spilling over.

Yeah, you erred in not outing yourself years ago, but that's neither here nor there right now. Get to snooping better, and I would highly suggest putting a GPS on her car. OM lives not far away from the office? Not good! If this EA hasn't gone full blown PA, then it's on the verge of it. You need to act now, before this gets to a point you REALLY don't want it to.

Seriously, click notify on the bottom of your post and have this thread moved to the SAA forum. You'll get a lot more help there. It's not a place you want to be, but it looks like a place you need to be.

Viper, you're confused,

Years ago I ended my affair myself, I then went to my wife and spilled my guts, begged forgiveness and did EVERYTHING I could to keep my family together. And have stayed 100% true to my word.

Not to overwhelm our cereal fan, but he'd be wise to expose himself (no, not like that) at the same time that he exposes his WW. I think we can all predict that that little gem will be the first thing that she trots out in her attempts to justify her affair.

Viper is probably, like me, under the assumption that no one else (your family, her family) knows about your affair from 12 years ago. Is that correct?

See, your WW will toss that card out quicker than anything when you expose her affair as her goal will be to DISTRACT everyone from what she is doing.

You see Capt, it's really not me that's confused here, but right now I think this is your biggest problem. You said it yourself:

Seems to me you're more concerned about outing yourself for what you have done than you are about stopping her for what she is about to do....assuming she hasn't already, of course.

Just how much of this is worth fixing? Oh yeah, it's going to cause you some 12 year old residual fall out and pain, but that's the price you pay when you screw around on your wife.

Tough.

Viper, How did you get that impression. I think you're confused.

Alright, point blank:

WHO in YOUR and HER family's and friends know about your adultery 12 years ago?

Don't get me wrong pal, I'm not making excuses for her actions right now, just asking a straight forward question.

NW8900, am I posting stupid stuff again? I'm a bit confused here.

Nope, seems a reasonable question and I think we were thinking the same thing.

I got that impression from this...


It was sounding like you were hesitant to expose lest your own dirty laundry be aired. You, though, have the benefit of twelve years of good conduct while she does not. It's not to brow beat you, just to make sure that your own end of the street is cleaned up in this mess. We don't want any pots yelling at kettles here.