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I don't think Ohio is an A of A state, or one which heavily penalizes the wayward in divorce actions. MB: Help? As of January 2008, the only states in the United States that allow alienation of affection lawsuits are: Hawaii, Illinois, Mississippi, New Mexico, North Carolina, South Dakota, and Utah. In what states can Alienation of Affection lawsuits still be filed?
Dday- Feb 1998
Recovered!!
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I appreciate everyone's advice and knowledge. I apologize if I come across as someone who does not know what they want, but that is exactly what I am right now. I know that she is not healthy to be with, but I know the type of person she can be and it is extremely frustrating and confusing if I want to take the risk and try to reconcile if that ever becomes an option. In regards to the exposure, would submitting an email through an anonymous source be okay. This way I keep the heat off of me and the affair is exposed to her work. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
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This way I keep the heat off of me and the affair is exposed to her work. Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Your exposure is unlikely to be effective if you don't sign your name. You have no reason to hide. You would want them both to know that it was you. Keep in mind that the goal here is to save your marriage, not to avoid her anger at all cost. Your marriage can survive her temporary anger over exposure, it can't survive an ongoing affair. Don't let fear of her anger drive your agenda.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I appreciate your advice Melody, but my concern is that my wife will expose some things about my family that could be detrimental to people who really have no part of this. She is that vindictive. I was just hoping to expose the affair to put pressure on her and her boss, and hope that it helps lift the fog.
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I appreciate your advice Melody, but my concern is that my wife will expose some things about my family that could be detrimental to people who really have no part of this. She is that vindictive. I was just hoping to expose the affair to put pressure on her and her boss, and hope that it helps lift the fog. I wouldn't bother in that case. If you are too fearful to expose then you have forfeited the most effective weapon you have. There isn't much we can do to help you.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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In regards to the exposure, would submitting an email through an anonymous source be okay. No, this will likely be ineffective. Understand that the persons receiving your email will have no one to respond to. That will make it easy for them to NOT respond to the complaint. And why be anonymous, anyway? You should be OUTRAGED. You should DEMAND A RESPONSE. You should BE FURIOUS AND WANT AN ANSWER, DAMMIT! You should ask for a meeting with their employer!  Let their employer know that you will not let this be brushed aside. Don't give them the option of blowing you off.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I appreciate your advice Melody, but my concern is that my wife will expose some things about my family that could be detrimental to people who really have no part of this. She is that vindictive. I was just hoping to expose the affair to put pressure on her and her boss, and hope that it helps lift the fog. You are acting based on fear and the possibility of some discomfort. You don't own your family's skeletons. All you can do is save your marriage. Do you want to do that, or not?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I'm not sure that's the problem. I honestly love the woman, but I really don't see her changing. I admit to my faults in the marriage, and I am currently going to IC for them as well as how to move on, but part of me does want to reconcile and make this marriage work. I understand your point about the skeletons being that of my family, but I also have come across another problem. We filed for dissolution with a separation agreement that states we will not invade the privacy of the other, and we will not do things to embaress or harm the other. Now there is a possible legal barrier for me to do this.
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Glassman,
So you are going to allow this OM to seduce your W away from you, use her, dump her, and then move on to the next one, while using his superior organizational position to do so.
My guess is that like many "empty suits" he worries excessively about his reputation and has his hand in the wording of this odious agreement.
I hope you have not signed the agreement.
God Bless
Gamma
Last edited by Gamma; 08/20/12 02:25 PM.
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I'm not sure that's the problem. I honestly love the woman, but I really don't see her changing. I admit to my faults in the marriage, and I am currently going to IC for them as well as how to move on, but part of me does want to reconcile and make this marriage work. I understand your point about the skeletons being that of my family, but I also have come across another problem. We filed for dissolution with a separation agreement that states we will not invade the privacy of the other, and we will not do things to embaress or harm the other. Now there is a possible legal barrier for me to do this. Unfortunately, there is little we can do to overcome enabling of the affair. Affairs thrive on secrecy, so by keeping their secret you only serve to enable the affair. I don't know how to overcome that. This was a longshot at best and you have forfeited your only weapon.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Let me put it another way. When you choose to come to a gunfight with cotton balls, you will lose.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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We filed for dissolution with a separation agreement that states we will not invade the privacy of the other, and we will not do things to embaress or harm the other. 'Embarrass' each other?? I've seen a lot of separation agreements in my line of work, and I've never seen that phrase. Can you say what State you're in? In any event, that phrase can be easily chewed up by any attorney with an ounce of snap in his suspenders. YOU'RE not embarrassing her, you're only telling the truth of her actions that are damaging to YOUR marriage - you know, the marriage YOU are a partner in? It is HER actions that would cause her embarrassment. If she hadn't screwed around on you there would be nothing for her to be embarrassed about.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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We filed for dissolution with a separation agreement that states we will not invade the privacy of the other, and we will not do things to embaress or harm the other. 'Embarrass' each other?? I've seen a lot of separation agreements in my line of work, and I've never seen that phrase. Can you say what State you're in? In any event, that phrase can be easily chewed up by any attorney with an ounce of snap in his suspenders. YOU'RE not embarrassing her, you're only telling the truth of her actions that are damaging to YOUR marriage - you know, the marriage YOU are a partner in? It is HER actions that would cause her embarrassment. If she hadn't screwed around on you there would be nothing for her to be embarrassed about. Sheeze freakin' Louise! I've held back, but damn, are you whipped or what? Just why are you here and what do you want? Everyone's been telling you what you need to do, and in reply you tell them why you can't and who it may hurt. Do you want help or not? If so, quit bitching about who's feelings in your family might get hurt because of what THEY did (not you), and do something to fix this crap. This is your marriage. There's a Tombstone vid that's thrown around a lot here that I love, but I'm going to throw a quote at you from the same movie: "Are you going to do something? Or just stand there and bleed?"What's it gonna be? So far, you're just standing there and bleeding.
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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