I wasnt going to post here anymore but I've decided to respond to LTL's post...

On me perusing a dating site and visiting a porn site, guilty as charged. Not that it matters but I would like to point out the timeline those cookies were baked. It was after the drama of me posting about LTL wanting to be rid of me and not the entire time of recovery. After she went to a lawyer for a divorce and after she visited her dad for several days over Thanksgiving in another state; the same state OM rat [censored] lives in...

On the issue of divorce; it was my understanding she decided on a divorce vs a separation on the advice of her lawyer because of liability issues. She could be still be held liable and possibly sued if one of my dogs bit someone, if I dropped a tree on someone or their propery etc. my lawyer advised same btw...

On having to deal daily with a contempt fire partially due to NG; I didn't think I displayed contempt but as the MB way goes, the offended party gets to define the offense...therefore I'm sorry...I don't feel contempt now or then I simply believed NG's analysis to be correct and frankly I still do...

On me moving out; LTL was continually asking me when I was moving, was I gonna live in the camper, was I going to buy a travel trailer, was I going to move into my daughter's house etc.

On me acting single; maybe, possibly I guess. I've not been with another woman though, no touch, no kiss, no physical anything...
Ya know, when I picked up our son at 8 in the morning so LTL could have a day to herself and go out with friends and co-workers that night and to obviously imbibe in the spirits, I didn't go off the deep end...and talk about how she might be acting single...I wish her happiness...

One more thing on something unwritten mentioned LTL's thread. unwritten asked LTL if she thought 2-3 weeks were sufficient time to meet my needs and how the affair would ring through my mind for years to come and how I'll always feel she was willing to give more to the OM than to me...SPOT ON...if I'm exaggerating it's not much, seriously; we probably had more sex those few weeks than we did the entire 14 years prior...she had no libido...until OM rat [censored] showed up that is.

LTL wants to heal and recover, I wish nothing less for her. I wish her happiness, I truely do! I'm sorry things turned out like they have. I'm sorry the resentment on both sides was too great for us to overcome but LTL does not need me, does not want me , does not love me and she never has...as she has told me and Dr Harley she thought I was a good guy and she might grow to love me, her biological clock was ticking to use her words...

lookin,

It wasn't unwritten who wrote that, but shaken, and my understand of Dr Harley's work is that shaken was wrong to write that to you. It is important to attribute statements correctly. I know enough about unwritten to believe that she would not have steered you in the wrong way on this.

I think that the breakdown of your marriage is a tragedy, and I am sorry that it is happening. It seems to me that you did have hope, and that LL was willing to do the hard work to recover the marriage, but that you needed to do what Dr H advises in a WW/BH situation to the letter, and that this means giving more than you think you have in you, for longer than you thought you could. markos's posts to you in this thread were very demanding of you as a man, and as one who has been betrayed, but from my listening to the radio show daily, markos posted exactly the advice that Dr H would have given you (and indeed did give you, on the private forum, to which I have access).

LL must have been already very withdrawn from the marriage when she had her affair, and she was unwilling to participate in rebuilding for more than a short while, given your history of LBs against her. 3 weeks is spot on the timeframe that Dr H finds a wife can take conflict without it affecting her health.

Dr H is much harder on men than he is on women, and this seems unfair to me, but it is based on his observations of what works for women, and what works for men. Men have to dig a lot deeper than women to make the MB programme work in a broken marriage, from my understanding.

I'm very sad for both of you and your son that it has come to divorce - and there may still be hope that this won't go through.

You're correct SC it was shaken...apologies to unwritten and shaken. I posted that from a work computer and I won't have access to a computer for another week. I'm posting this from my phone and I'm not sure how to edit, if a mod would like to fix it that would be fine.

Yes, LTL did the hard work and she did it for as long as she possibly could. LTL is to be commended and I pray that the good folks at MB will continue to support her and rally around her. She is an amazing and very smart woman. She will be an asset to the MB's community.

I appreciate everything the good folks here have done to help us especially Dr Harley who gave me the blue print for recovery. Unfortunately I was too weak of a man to do the hard but necessary work. As the man I accept responsibility for the failed recovery and the failed marriage...LTL deserves a man with more stamina and backbone. I also accept responsibility for leaving LTL vulnerable to the affair in the first place as Dr Harley pointed out... by my attitude.

I have lost the best thing that ever happened to me as Dr Harley pointed out and I'm the ONLY one to blame...peace...and my wish is that LTL will recover and heal from all she has endured at my hands...Blessings to all...