I will ehco what other posters have told you, and to remember you can't do this alone
Years of gaslighting without working on full honesty in your relationship, we all know it has taken it's toll

Like NG said also, strike while the iron is hot. I am sure that his recovery jumped leaps and bounds quickly, when honesty and commitment were restablished. Being the kind of guy he is and the quickness both he and his wife dealt with thier situation, has probably brought much light into thier eyes.

Myself I post from the perspective of someone not as blessed, but wise enough to know that this situation must be brought out in the open, and in that is your only hope. I have tasted the hope of this honesty, and held on because of it, eventually trading the health of my marriage for my childrens emotional health, which was second on my list of priorities. My wife and her wellbeing being my first

Don't spin around like Mel says for years without help from the pros. A professional IC for you, one for your W, and of course the wise couselling of the good Dr H and crew

Taken from the bible..."Can two walk together if they are not in agreement?",( sorry not verbatim).

Sorry for choppy post coming from my iPhone
But OWH you get the point, it will take hard work and hard questions answered, and time.
We all need help from time to time and DR H is the best I can advise you to for this matter, or else I wouldn't be here either

OWH,

Thanks, mostly the approach I've taken, and you're right about people wanting to talk, although I often think it's more about no one listening anymore, and as a result people have an unmet need to be heard.

Has your WW offered up details you didn't know to show a willingness to come completely clean?

God Bless
Gamma

How ya doin, Bro?

Hi, CV. I see you had a birthday. Always good to make it to another one on the leafy side of the turf, huh? Congrats! Hope you had a good one!



One day at a time. I'm in nearly complete emotional withdrawal. The Love Bank is closed due to structural damage that makes it unfit for human use. I'm not sure if it's even repairable.

Once I uncovered the entire sordid mess, I've been processing the last six years of my marriage under the light of truth and it's been pretty devastating. The last 18 months, in which I've allowed myself to be deceived, manipulated, and gaslighted is the worst part of it. How little she must think of me to do such a thing. The contempt to treat me as less than a pet, a piece on a board game, to try to control me by controlling information about my life. The idea that she would live with me, sleep with me, while keeping such a hideous secret. It makes me shudder.

As happened both times before, she immediately ran to a MC (the third different one; she can't go back to the same ones to face up to her lies). I pulled the plug on that, telling the MC we've "been there, done that, and I don't need another t-shirt."

This much I know: forgiveness is a necessity. I can't live with the deep, dark, thoughts and feelings that come with this territory. That's what I'm working right now. I'm focusing on myself exclusively. I need to heal my heart from this pain -- and I will; I'm progrssing very nicely, actually. After that, I'll start to come out of my hole and consider the question of reconciliation.

Meanwhile, we're being cordial and good to one another. Still participating in RC, very low-grade Affection is acceptable, but I'm focusing my energy on DS as the top EN right now. Though she tries, I simply cannot engage in IC or SF with her at any level.

What can I say? She went all in on gambling our life together against the odds that I'd find out her secrets. She lost. The pot is still being calculated.

OWH,

Do you have a drop dead date for recovery?

Is your W practicing extraordinary precautions?

God Bless
Gamma

I don't. I'm just trying to get my mind and heart on an even keel. I'll worry about the marriage when I feel like I'm in a proper mental/emotional state to do so. I'm in no hurry.


Yes, but I don't really care very much about what she says or does right now.

OWH, yeah it's tough to open a love bank when it's been robbed so many times by it's employees

So have you taken on the role of security gaurd to protect what level of humanity you have left? Yeah been there done that too guy.

Protect yourself legally and realize you have been taken, and you are not alone in this wacky world full of mental patients.

Forgivness? Well do you forgive your dog for killing your hamster when he gets loose? Of course you do, because it's a dog and has no control over it's nature. Because this women does not want to control her obviously corrupted natural attitudes and discipline herself to act like a decent human being, I think you will have to protect yourself from her.

Yeah, bit don't take it personally, and don't forgive as a human forgives another human who recognizes what they did wrong. She doesn't care and has taken the role of a sneaky little pet it seems, who does just what it needs to get along, and get it's thrills anyway possible.

You are just another victim in her long line of victims, and that includes the dummy's she is screwing.

She has made her value and existence what it is.

Yes maybe a divorce is in order, but then there are the children, and of course they are important, and thier age and level of understanding also that comes into play.

Protecting yourself is defiantly in order, and of course being a father to any children.

But forgivness? For her? Yeah like forgiving a pet that has been bad, and cannot help itself because it has bad habits that have gone out of control for so long...

Forgive yourself for hooking up with her. You have a better chance of recovering yourself, which is the point of this forum anyway.