Anointed, honey, you can do this. Maybe pack a back-up snack in your purse or something. Maybe you don't need to push yourself as hard as you do, only you can determine that. The all or nothing thinking is a temporary side effect of the state of conflict and will hopefully recede as you two get closer. As you said, you sound tired, maybe take a day off, recharge?

I don't know if this will help you, but it's okay to say no to his family visiting your home. It's POJA; if you're not enthusiastic about it, you can say no and negotiate something else. We had pretty big inlaw issues, and have negotiated that my FIL is not allowed to stay here and we will not stay at his home. We are not cut off completely (my H would not be enthusiastic about that), but when we visit, we stay in a hotel so that when (not if, sadly) things start going poorly, we can leave. FIL hasn't come here for seven years! My H speaks with him once a week on the phone, but I speak to him only a few times a year, mainly to say, "Hi, here's Mr. CWMI," while I hand over the phone.

I don't care to improve the relationship with him, and I don't care for my children to have a relationship with him either because I find him to be physically and emotionally dangerous to us. I think he is emotionally dangerous to my H, too, but he isn't enthusiastic about cutting contact, so I don't push it, although I do encourage him to clear up the issues since his father is in his 70s and not in the best health. He's not enthusiastic about that, either, but I suppose I'm up to the challenge of dealing with H's unresolved issues after his father passes. I already did it about his mother.

Since you guys are church people, maybe you could influence a bible study about cleaving to your wife? And what it really means to honor your parents?

It seems very strange to me that he would get angry at his pregnant wife, in church, for wanting to gain admission to the room where he was expecting you. He would rather disturb you than the woman sitting next to him? That doesn't make sense, emotionally or logically. Next time, bang on the door. Especially effective if the "people you disturbed" have to get up to let in the pregnant wife he was ignoring via text. They'll be disturbed in a whole new way. Not by you. By him.

It seems very strange to me that he would get angry at his pregnant wife, in church, for wanting to gain admission to the room where he was expecting you. He would rather disturb you than the woman sitting next to him? That doesn't make sense, emotionally or logically. Next time, bang on the door. Especially effective if the "people you disturbed" have to get up to let in the pregnant wife he was ignoring via text. They'll be disturbed in a whole new way. Not by you. By him.

Anointed, I was wondering about that, too. It's important to halve withdrawals when you can. What do you think about just knocking on the door so someone else can let you in if your H isn't enthusiastic about opening the door himself? Then it's a much smaller withdrawal, that you didn't like how he responded to the text message, than feeling like you were left outside over 7 minutes.

Stupid may not be the best word choice, but why isn't he allowed to think something is stupid?

Seems you want it both ways. Free to have your opinion, but he's not allowed to disagree.

So while I don't agree with his word choice, I believe it is a move in the right direction, and points out that you seem to want him to conform to your world view, instead of allowing him to have his own views.

For instance, I think most of the programming on the Bravo network is stupid, (actually vapid and inane.) My wife likes it. I am free to share my opinion, she is free to agree or disagree.

I usually just leave the room when it's on.

Problem solved.

Her hurt caused by her husband refusing her entry to where he was DOES trump his embarrassment in front of anyone else. Why would a man be embarrassed to let his pregnant wife into a room anyway? I think he should be embarrassed not to. I don't care if you think that's judging, EE...the man should look out for his wife above all others, put her feelings above all others, even his own temporary embarrassment.

How resentful do you think he would be in the long run if he had just let his wife in?

How resentful do you think she is going to be in the long that he didn't?

That's the mark of marriage building. Not 'oh, he should be allowed to hurt you/block you/lock you out without you judging him for it. Because unless he is enthusiastic about opening a locked door for you AT YOUR CHURCH, he shouldn't have to.' Sorry, no. Maybe in the most pickiest of details, but if he wants to remain married, he ought to give greater consideration to opening ALL doors to Anointed, whenever asked.

edit

Again, EE. He was free to not let me in if he felt he could not. He did not communicate with me in a way that I could understand what was going on.

I thought he was joking at first. Then I was just humiliated.

Whew SugarCane. I try to consider everything that is said to me wholeheartedly, but that is hard to swallow.