well its amazing how much talking to my wife can take away my resolve to do this
she went to see a lawyer today to check her option of staying or moving to canada
lets just say they are not very good and she is thinking about desperate measures since she does not want to take the easiest route which would be getting married over there

we talked for about an hour about this issue and about what is going on with us
during that talk it came out that Man nr2 is part of the reason she wants to move to canada but it also came out that she does not want to move there to get married to him she wants to try living over there without being bound by anything

she says she wants to move because she hates everything here not just being married to me just everything and everybody else arround her
i dont know anymore if the affair is the reason or just a symptom of what is going on with my wife
she hasnt talked this open to me in a long time and she sounded just extremely lost

she still blames me for almost everything of what went wrong with our marriage of course and says that there is absolutely no hope of us ever working it out and that i should stop bringing it up that its too late for that already

she says that she has no idea what she should do now she wants to get away from here not just me but the only way to do that would be risky for her health and would pretty much burn all bridges she has to here
she cried a lot during our conversation which she usually doesnt do either she always tries to hide it

so now i am thinking that my wife is having a major midlife crisis
am i deluding myself ?

Please don't pay any attention to fogbabble and stick to the plan. None of what you posted is any more meaningful than the rantings of a falling down drunk. Your wife is high on the addiction of her affair.

"Mid life crisis" is a form of denial that is typically employed by deluded spouses who are reluctant to face the truth about their cheating spouse.

Please stick to the plan. Your wife is very foggy and has no plan. Your plan is the only advantage you have but you have to stick to it and stop being distracted with nonsense.

Some banks will let you take the other person off, it's worth a try, esp. since it was his account to start with.

how do i go about the letter to fb friends now though she pretty much told me that man nr2 is more than just a friend and part of the reason she wants to stay over there

are the pictures on FB and the 2 lines she said about wanting him in her life enough proof to make him the main focus of an affair or should i stick to the one i know she slept with and have 100% proof

Copy all of her friends into a file so you have them all in case she deletes her account.
Send messages to them one at a time, one minute apart so you don't get shut down for spam.
Expose to everyone in the same day, her family, her friends, your family, your friends, anyone else you think might have influence.
I would stick to the one you know for sure and have proof of as I think the other is a smokescreen. She's trying to get you to think it's everything else...she doesn't like this country, you didn't do enough, blah, blah, blah. That's all it is, is blah, blah, blah.

Yuki

KS is right. She is just trying to throw up a smokescreen. I agree and go with the one you have hard proof of.

Read your exposure letter. Looks good.

When you push the button make sure to keep going until you hit everyone on the list. All in one swoop but a minute apart on FB.

nESRE

Just stick to what you have proof of. I suspect she conjured up OM#2 to throw you off balance.

I would say that this is plenty of evidence of their affair. Co-workers do NOT kiss each other on the head. They do NOT leave their spouse to live together "as friends".

And THIS? Done deal.

yuki, as the others have said, she is gaslighting you big time. it is time to expose, my friend, while you have access to her fb account. your letter is ready to go, now that you've added the bit about help in saving your M. if the word "affair" bothers you, switch it to "adultery." that's what it is.

don't wait, don't see what your WW has to say, just do it.

Yuki,

Here is the straight-talk on her bullcrap;

OM is THE reason she wants to move to Canada, and the things she wants to unencumbered by are each and every thing which do not allow her to carry on her adulterous relationship with him; namely you, and any friends and family that do not support her adultery.


Anything and everything she says boils down to this; "You won't allow me to carry on my affair."

Practice hearing that coming out of her mouth every time she makes an excuse.

Seriously.

ok i have done a lot of snooping around to find out more proof of what is going on
by now i know 100% and have proof that she is in a relationship with friend nr 2 not to mention i still have the proof of her by now seemingly purely sexual affair with friend nr 1

she doesnt want to hear anything about us trying to restore our marriage and has gone to the point now that she set her FB status to separated
not sure if that is a good thing or not but her friends are gonna be somewhat forewarned now so probably not so good

but at least i was able to convince her to throw out her crazy and risky plan to just stay over there and somehow make it work to live over there so she will be returning in a little over 2 weeks time

i am now getting ready to do a full exposure this weekend when i know she will be at a party and unable to try to interfere when the first people find out

i have revised my exposure letters to reflect the new information and proof that i have

Dear friends of D and M:

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of their friends should know the kind of persons they really are.
D had an affair with my wife and M is currently in a relationship with my wife.
These affairs have almost completely wrecked our marriage.
I believe that their friends should know this, so you can protect your relationship from them.


I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify all of their close family as well.

Thank you, BH

Dear friends and family,

I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of xxxx and I.
Some of you may know that xxxxx has recently asked me for a divorce, which has shattered my heart.
To my shock, I am saddened to have discovered that the resaon is that she had an affair with D and is now in a relationship with M.


I want our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence on my love, please do what you can to get her to stop this dangerous affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end.

As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with xxxx to persuade her to end her affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only end the affair.
Please support her in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.

I would so appreciate your support and prayers.

Warmest regards,


if theres anything i should change please let me know

I would remove the word "relationship" and put AFFAIR. If you have evidence, you might want to upload it to a website and link to it in your emails. There are easy instructions on how to do this at the end of my exposure thread. Look for rainysweets posts.

You have no kids, and she has no ability to give you kids.

You're young.

Many here won't agree, but I think you should cut bait.

Just make sure she gets nothing.

That said, I'd expose it anyway.

i dont have to make sure she doesnt get anything she doesnt even want anything
she just wants out and try to live her own life
without anybody tying her down in any way

tbh i dont know how much of what she says is true anymore since i dont trust her anymore but this whole business has made us talk more and open up more than we have in a long while

my options as i see them now are either just let go and let her try what she wants to try and figure out in that time if id be willing to take her back after she falls on her face because i know she will shes not a easy person to get along with

wait for when shes back here from her vacation and try to win her back while shes setting up to leave the country

or expose everything with i dont know what effects
like i said shes a very difficult person and exposing everything could very well ruin every chance i have of rebuilding our marriage or it could help save it
either way im still thinking about exposing this weekend well see if anything can change my mind before then

Yuki,

What's there to ruin? This is already FUBAR, my friend. How is withholding the truth going to fix your problem? You see, affairs thrive in darkness. Deception and subterfuge are what keep them going, and that's what she wants. They only perpetuates the affair, which is the opposite of what you want. The truth is important not only in getting others to pressure your wife, but in getting the help and support you need right now from family and loved ones.

Just do it!

She may become angry over you sharing her dirty laundry, but she is responsible for WHAT SHE DID, not you. You're just trying to fix the problem.

No, exposure won't ruin any chances, it will only enhance your chances. Affairs thrive on secrecy, so keeping it a secret only serves to enable the affair which will destroy your marriage. The best chance you have for rebuilding your marriage would come from exposure.

Keep in mind, that our goals are very, very different from yours. Your goal is to avoid upsetting her at any cost. Our goal is to save your marriage. You can survive her temporary anger, you can't survive her affair.


If something changes your mind about using the most effective weapon against the affair, then you probably won't make it. People who don't expose usually don't make it.

This is fogbabble 101. She is saying this because she is cheating on you. Period. It's no different than listening to a fallen-down drunk...

FALLEN-DOWN DRUNK: I'm fine. Just give me the keys and I'll drive home.

YUKI: Should I give her the keys? She says she's fine.

Your WW is sick right now. You can either stay the course or bail. Either way is going to be very difficult. Considering the children situation, I personally think you should bail. Kids are great!