Send him a Plan B letter and get out of the drama. I fed into the fence sitting, you will remain stagnent for months. It is hard, I still miss the crumbs my WH threw at me. Sad really.
Expose the affair to everyone and then go dark.
Listen to the plans here. It will get you atleast emotionally well.

Loki, did you read our posts about Plan B? Are you interested in following the program? Because we can't help you if you won't follow the advice.

x2

Agian, did you expose??

I have read them and am only just now using them. Does it need to be as extreme? WS and I have no reason for contact. But the lines being open kept me hopeful, is it time to stop?

Loki, If you want to save your marriage you will listen to our advice. Go click on the link in Melodylane's sig line and do a nuclear exposure. Next, line up an IM, write your plan b letter and go dark. An IM will keep the lines of communication open.

If you do Plan Loki, we can't help you. You can do this!

I already exposed. This just brought them out from hiding. Now everyone knows and they are comfortable in their new life. No one approves. I have taken back his keys and changed the locks. I pay for nothing for him. I take nothing from him. My life is back to how it was before I met him.

I am trying plan b... don't have an IM that is not invested in this.

OK, good. An IM could be anyone who is not too close to the situation and can be neutral. A friend, a second cousin, anybody. All they have to do is filter the communication between you and your WH. Next, take a look at the Plan B letter samples. Write yours and post it here for us to review, OK?

Plan B letter samples here

So I have been all over the infidelity forums and what amazes me is how very alike all cheating spouses are. The things they say, the way they act, how they rewrite things and avoid certain people. Does this really end? I still think my husband just wants me to say ok to his affair but I won't do that. me or her. And everytime I've made him choose, he chose me. This time seems different though. While he is acting jealous he is standing on the "I don't know what I want" line very adamantly and said he doesn't care what anyone says he is doing what he wants. I know he gets this hurts me but I dont think he gets to what extent and what exactly hurts me about it. How likely is it that he will return and wake up? I know this is all about me time but I can't help but wonder... I love him so much.

They all sound the same don't they? They are in the "fog" and only think of themselves. But, yes, that fog can be lifted. Sometimes it is lifted in Plan A, sometimes in Plan B, and sometimes never. But you need to stand up for yourself and protect yourself. That is what these plans are for.

I have been through what you have been through. Oh, the crazy crap that came out of Kiss's mouth! But he did come out of that fog and we are working hard on recovery. But only after I follwed the plans to the best of my ability.

~RQ

My WH went crazy hwen he thought I was dating someone, said he wanted to come back (1st time), thought he chose me, but two weeks later he was back with OW. They all say the same things, the fact that he chose the OW, is his decision right now. If he wanted to be home with you than he would.

Get him out of your life, let him miss you and know what his life will be like without you. Right now he knows you are waiting in the wings for him. (I know about this first hand).

The OW is the priority now in his life, not you. He makes you feel hopeful, that is the cruelest thing in the world. I lived on false hope for two years. Save yourself and the pain you will endure by waiting in the wings for him.

There are times I am hopeful... There are times HE is in there and I think I can get him back... then I don't know if he sees her or talks to her or what happens but I lose him again. I have suspected that she brings up the problems in our marriage that allowed them to happen. Like says things like, "it can never work with your wife because" and it gives him doubt. If only he would talk to me. We have good conversations about how we can get through this then BAM he's back to ignoring and avoiding me. I am backing off to give myself space now this hurts way too much. And it hurts to feel hopeful and then shot down again and again. I don't even mention it anymore. it's still new, only about a week now but he's noticing my silence and today is being as silent as ever. He cut me off for her it seems and I want to scream because I know he loves me and would be with me if she would leave him alone. I also know this is his choice but I think he's making it fully believing I will never go anywhere and if it takes him 5 days, 5 weeks or 5 years I will still be waiting for him in limboland. And I don't want to wait anymore. I want my husband back.

I thought the same thing, if the OW would just leave hime alone, I even wrote her a letter to do so....(useless) but WH was spinning the story he was getting divorced, he had such a bad marriage, and neither of us had seen a lawyer. He told OW I was crazy, I did not want to let go...blah, blah ,blah....

He is spinning the story and lying his but off. He is lying to you and her, that is the only way to keep you both.

Being in limbo is hard, two years later and I say my story had not changed, I wanted my marriage at any cost. Not anymore. I can say I did my best, but I would not have let him cake eat for so long.

Keeping in contact enables the affair...

If you did Plan A, then good...I even thought I was back in Plan A (a joke) Please listen, you will feel in control of your situation.

My plan A worked at least in the sense he was coming home... he chose me. He cut her off.. until.. she refused to be ignored. I have no idea what she says to him in those moments but it must be powerful. No one can get thru to him after he sees her.

Now I don't know where to go from here. Plan B will most likely lead to my divorce. He will do nothing if not forced. he will let life happen to him and then say it's MY fault again. Sigh. I just want to save my marriage and heal it so we can move on. This phase has lasted long enough now.

My WH, even now has not done anything either..what is your choice to wait. I read a great quote the other day that helped me put things in perspective:
"let go of the life you had planned so you can live the life you are suppose to have"

Plan B will force him to make a decision. You will not be involved with someone who is having an affair.

I know easier said than done, but if you start Plan B, he will know you are serious and can not take advantage of you any longer. Stand up for yourself.

Here's another good quote for you

"Do not make someone else your priority while remaining their option"

I am writing that one down....

You can't save your marriage and heal it by sitting around hoping he picks you over her one of these days. He already picked you when he said, "I do." You are now letting him violate that vow.

Your choices are:
� Continue doing what you are doing and accept the fact that you share your husband with his girlfriend. Hope she doesn�t screw around on him and bring in a sexually transmitted disease to all three of you in this polygamous relationship.
� Wave your magic wand that makes him give her up so you can have him all to yourself.
� Go to Plan B and save your sanity. The end result will either be a great marriage with just the two of you, or a divorce.

If you don�t have a magic wand and you don�t want a sister-wife, you might try reading up on some of the great threads here where people have gone through Plan B and come out the other side shining in the light, with or without the spouse still in the picture.

I sure hope you go with Plan B. It really is the best thing you can do for yourself.

excellent post, GoingUphill.