I really am glad this forum exists.

No one understands. No one understands why I didn't walk away the second I found out. No one understands why I fought so hard for so long.

And I do think this has gone on too long to reunite now. But something makes us hold on still. Not sure if that's something we can build on later or something like a security blanket but neither of us has been able to completely let go. By focusing on getting a new job and my new life I will no longer be losing love credits and IF IF IF we had a chance in the future it would have to be from scratch. This did it's damage now I think.

Stop,

Go into a dark, dark Plan B. Did I read correctly that you gave him a plan B letter months ago? You don't need to give him another one. Just stop talking to him, texting with him, seeing him. You WILL feel better.

AM

I understand. Most BSs understand. Most people think that infidelity is an instant deal breaker, but when it really happens to them, most try to recover their marriage. My FWW defogged on DDay, so recovery has been easier for me. Under different circumstances, I would be walking your path.

ArmyMama, we are in Plan B. I wasn't going to give him another one, he understands we can't even have the reunite conversation unless he is rid of the psychoskank. No communication between us. There were times it was breeched but for the most part we are not speaking. He tells people he is undecided, I hear about it. I've since stopped talking to anyone who is not respecting my boundary of not telling me anything about him or his new life.

MrEureka, He did the same thing but 4 months later her husband divorced her and my husband left me. They never stopped communication. He lied of course lol. Now he is saying he really wants to see how life will be with her. I wish him well. There is nothing more I can do.

I have an interview today and even though it's a temp job I hope I get it so I can keep myself busy. However I do feel I am healing better now than I was when I was trying to maintain a high stress job on top of this...

If you are in Plan B, how do you know this? Did he tell you or did one of the friends that you no longer see tell you?

AM

He said it to me at the end of January.

Your job is to Plan B.
That is step one of your new life.

When you are in a real Plan B, your heart starts to heal without the burning resentments and anger and (yes) hatred.

Plan B.
Why the hell not?

How to Plan B correctly

Once you have been in Plan B and REALLY no way to know what WH & OW are thinking/saying/doing ..... your forum postings will cease being ALL ABOUT THEM, and will start to be ALL ABOUT YOU.

You cannot do a REAL Plan B without an IM. Get one. A tough person who acts as a shield of protection and blocks any emotional toxins from leaking into your Plan B.
Make Plan B your first order of business for your personal recovery.

Let God handle the sin (WH & OW) .... His solution is greater than yours.

Stop,

Good luck with your job interview today. I hope you get the job.

AM

Good luck! Hope you get the job.

Ditto

Is it normal that I worry when I don't think about him?

I think the interview went well. Waiting to hear back. Its the first one I had since being let go. I know from past experience it's rare to get another job so soon. I am hoping for the best but will remember that it's possible I will need to keep looking.

I do need this time alone. No work. No pressure. Just to heal. I feel like in just a week's time I am further along than I was all these months struggling along with it. I dont' know if it's because I can concentrate on it now and let it go or if I just have bigger problems like no job to worry about now. lol...

Fingers are crossed.

I had high hopes. I really did. He had said things that gave me hope (I know I know) and I fell for it. But I really believed this was a phase. He would wake up. He would realize. But it seems after I exposed and everyone went on attack of their relationship it made them closer. And then there were times I thought he was just playing it out as long as he could. But I think it doesn't really matter. He did this. For whatever reason and now this is my life. And I am accepting it even though it's not what I wanted.

Thank you everyone. I need to talk. I am glad there are people to listen. Sometimes I do go all over the place. Like I said, this may be the first time I didn't have other things to worry about too... so I am finally doing some processing I couldn't do before. I feel better... sad of course... but also better.

The only good part is this did not affect my self esteem. Perhaps it did with him, but not in general.

I know I can have another person fall in love with me tomorrow. I am the total package. I am the winner at the end of this. I know that. And I am glad I did not get caught up in the self deprecating behavior and didn't care about my appearance or get to feeling bad about my physical attraction or lovability. I actually IMPROVED my appearance since he left haha... and feel even MORE self confident. I am just glad that didn't get destroyed.

Exposure sometimes can take a while, and for a while they'll say "us against the world."

When everyone's looking at them, though -- it may take weeks or months, but it will begin to crack and they'll be desperate to "seem" happy.

They'll start to realize that they didn't get a fantasy, they got each other, with morning breath and long nights on the computer (or football)...etc.

The point is...don't think it's not working because you can't see it.

X3.

In Feb or March they were fighting all the time. It was about me though. She really wants him to file for divorce now. I was still speaking to my MIL at the time she was the IM.

If I don't want to sign and he files, what can I do to slow it down or prevent it? I don't want one and at the very least if it is inevitable, I am not ready to deal. I have unemployment and possible relocation to worry about if I don't get a job...

Karmarose,

I try not to think about "them" anymore. It seems the more people try to tear them apart the closer they get. The more crazy she acts the more she defends her or believes she didn't do whatever thing she did. But I am glad to know they are probably not as happy as they want everyone to believe they are.

honestly? I see us being divorced and it all dying down and him going, OH S*** WTF did I do? lol

You have not been in Plan B. You know all about what is happening with your WH and the OW. In plan B, none of this would have gotten through to you. The MIL as an IM is a terrible idea. Do you have a better IM now? You will feel much better if you don't know anything that is happening with WH.

I am not expert at divorce. I am certain someone knowledgeable will post soon. I am guessing though that you take the maximum amount of time in answering any question and contest everything - financials, property, etc.

AM

Yeah, that Oh S*** look is priceless if you get to see it. And, its some of the best therapy when you see it, it really cements that you're not the crazy one.

KR is right about your plan b. you need a better IM. Who are you using now? Have you read the thread on IMs? You should have your IM read it too. His jacked up life shouldn't be a concern of yours while your in plan b.