Ok - getting to the point - Married for 10 years with 2 boys 3 and 7 years old.

Wife started with emotional affair and then moved to physical and now is out of the house in her own appt to be with a man 10 years older (she is 39 - he is 49) this man has - 2 prior divorces - bankruptcy - demostic volience - protection order written against him from first wife for being suicidal and trying to take his daugher out of school to most likely do harm to both of them - and just divorced 2 months ago from then wife who was 20 years younger then him.

I think my wife is going through a combo of mid life crisis/depression/not flower her like she wanted me to - we have kids and debt so not money to take her out on the town all the time - she has major communication issues with everyone including her own family.

I have basically tried everything in my power to get her to wake up - exposure - telling her she was going through a MLC you name it - now I am completly backed off and i act like I have moved on - cause nothing else has worked - I know how this will end - her crashing and him either cheating on her or her waking up - the affair just getting old and routine again - no more sneaking around - its just them 2 and the excitment is not there - O btw she needed money cause i moved all the money out of our accounts and she asked the other guy and he took her jewelery to hold until she paid it back. Also, she had a bad expierence growing up - her father cheated on her mother for 3 years and she had to kick her dad out of th house - her mother cried everyday and she had to take care of her 3 younger sisters till her fathers lover left him with all his money and begged for the mother back - they are still together and married. I also told her she is doing the same thing her father did to her mother but I am not going to stick around and cry like her mother. She has been moved out for 1 month. I think in 2 months they will break up and hoping she wakes up and then has a complete crash. Any advise on this would be helpful - its obvious neither one can trust each other - who picks up a married women and what married women leaves her family and can be trusted. this dude is also an aires (april) and those signs are known for going after challenges then getting bored.

i've done tons of research on this and just being patent for the thing to end itself and her to wake up - soon money will be a major issue for her since she is in major debt and he doesnt have money and I am not giving her money.

hi NSA. i'm very sorry for why you're here. i have a couple of questions:
1) are you familiar with the MB basic concepts?
2) who did you expose to, and did you ask for help killing the affair and restoring the M?

ok, 3) do you have physical custody of your child?

Hi thanks for replyin - MB concept - i would say keeping the marriage together.
I exposed it to everyone - her family which they are in Colombia South America and i mean every friend on FB outlining who this dude was etc. Everyone everywhere that would listen to me once I know who this guy was cause she lied for about 2 months about it. Wanted to find herself etc. I did say there might not be a chance for us to be togther (my pride) in the letter I sent her family (which had to be in spanish) saying I don't want a guy like this around my kids and want my wife to be happy. I am a very straight laced guy (family 1st/kids 1st) - we had our communication issues but I had no idea about this or would ever ever think she would cheat on me ever. Sex life was good - but she wanted more passion / romance was her excuse. i agreed with that and did a complete 180 for everything but she got high off of the drama and attention she was getting from everyone.

we have agreed to 50/50 custody but she jumps back and forth with days she wants to see them but now is back to 5 days me 5 days her - I am thinking she with the kids for 5 days will also get rid of this guy. He will get bored of that and start to find his next conquest. This whole thing is a soap opera.

I think she got major excitment out of this when she was doing this in our house - leaving the house to talk to him - then to see him - it was like a exciting drama fest high she got. btw - her boss would tell her that she married a great guy and she would complain about the girls at her work going with losers and creating drama - now she is the one - I have a masters in computer science - work for the gov. over see something very important - got her friends jobs that actually work for me - this dude is a total loser but filled her emotional cup bs talking to her and wanting to get in her pants and her wanted to feel like other man do look at her etc.

all her friends dont want to have anything to do with her. Her family is not talking to her. everyone is upset. father is upset and everyone is looking at him like this is what you taught your daugher. Mother prays everyday again and is going through the same thing she went through when her father did this.

geez, i've lost this message twice. sorry if it's kinda curt this time around!


ok, you're first order of business is to kill this affair. cut off your WWs finances (she can finance her adultery herself), keep your kids at home with you, and re-expose, telling everyone you are not going to expose your children to adultery. i'm going to have to defer here to the vets, especially with the custody thing.

do you want to save your M?

I also want to know what I can do to speed up the process of the crash of this affair? tough love? i mean it's pretty easy to make fun of this dude - i have a lot of things i can say to her like - wonder where your life is headed. Wonder what it says about you as a mother - person - women that you can think for yourself - this dude totally controls her now.

I wonder what your reflection in the mirror is saying back to you? how empy and shallow it must be.

I truly feel sorry for you - that emply feeling you have will only get worse for you with each passing day - i wonder what that says about you inside.

its only a matter of time that all that lying will catch up to you. I would hate to be u the day it does.

stuff like that - I have a million of them ready if she texts me some bs.

I just want to speed up the process of the fantasy and crash of reality to go faster. i have read so many books on this and her affair was the i love you but not in love with you bs.

which basically means she has a lot of emptiness inside and needs all sorts of attention which means positive or negative.

this type of affair is the mythical storybook world - the realities of their actions are far different than the reality they create to justify the adultry.

people often mistake the intense rush of feelings they expierence with this affer for love. then they comapr these instense feelings with their primary relationship (me) and use the difference to justify the affair. most people exiting affair realize at some point that what they felt was not based on real foudation but on the rush of something new - the secrecy and the drama - that whole thing.

talking to a wayward is like telling a baboon how to tie sneakers. no, that is all not the MB way. please go read the links i just posted to you re exposure & basic concepts.

thanks for the advise - yes I want to save my marriage. i dont want to keep the kids away from her - they want to see her - this loser has his own townhouse so they arent exposed to it - his townhome is going to forecloser - so the kids have never seen him and oldest son knows my wife has a boyfriend and she is pissed at that.

This dude coaches her with everything - he totally controls her. she is so dependant on this loser for all advise on legal matters (cause he has had 2 divorces) i mean u cant script anything better then this bs. Now i feel like its my mind against his. dudes like this have an ego - I got a married women to leave her husband and kids for me - thats how good I am - sort of ego boost - karama will take care of him and when the rose is off the flower my wife will feel so guilty about all she has done - the guilt will take care of her.

Are you financing her? Does she work?

How is she paying for her trips?

Whom did you expose to on his side?

I am not financing her - she finally went back to full time work - she never worked full time with me and wanted to quit her job any chance she could - now she is full time as soon as this thing started after not working full time for 10 years. So she is paying and is now trying to get me to pay for child support - which I will now take my time with paying since I have a good lawyer. On his side - i have no idea who his friends are and I know one of them helped him with moving her out of my townhouse cause i would not move out - so she moved out. While she was living here she was a totally different person then i married - lieing all the time even on the bible her mother had - lieing on her childerns souls - I mean the evil that came out was crazy - Like I said i think this dude will get bored of her and start to cheat and see she is so needy - theres no trust there. i just want to speed up the down fall.

Also would add that she only makes 38,000 a year and her expeiences are going to much more then that and i make about 4 times that.

Does he have facebook?

Can you hire a PI to find out his family?

Have you personally talked to his exwife?

Good job on not financing her.

Can you keep your kids from going with her?

he has FB but no friends and no picture. I could keep my kids from going to her but that would not look good on by anyone since the dude does not come around to the appt when she has them. what I think will happen is this guy will start to cheat on her when she has the kids and will not help her out finically and get tired of the drama with her. then she will have a fight with him to try and get the jewlery back and some big event will happen.

Then my wife will start to relize whats she done to everyone and really start to crash and since she has been depressive she will crash very hard for all the sinning she has done and the fact that everyone warned her about this guy.

I hear a lot of anger in your posts and all those little quips you have ready to say to her are full of AO, DJ, and LB. if you don't know what that means you haven't read the basic materials here. No one is going to spoon feed you so the sooner you educate yourself on the MB materials the sooner you cut thus affair off at the knees. Start by ordering "Surviving an Affair". MB is your rule book or game plan as it were. Get familiar with the game plan, then come back on help for implementing the steps. This loser should be easy together rid of but you want to Plan A your wife without being a doormat. Your assignment is to come back and tell us what you've learned from what you've read and we'll tell you if you get it nd how to use it to your best advantage. Stop with the LB and get busyeducating yourself.

Read up on Plan A and actually implement it. You will need to find out who OM is, and all of his contacts, so you can expose to his side.

How did your WW meet OM? Did/do they work together? WHat does OM do for a living? Have you told OM's exW?

Your WW is not having a MLC, she's having an AFFAIR. You need to kill the affair, and look like the better option. You can only do that by PLan Aing her 100%. Read through the link in my signature for Newly BS's and ask any questions you may have.

I know who the OM is - he is 48 year old loser who works at Verizon as an engineer.

They meet at the gym.

Again Married 10 years - first marriage for us both - she did not have many boyfriends growing up so this guy filled up her emotional cup while I was working and doing other hobbies - shes been depressed and probably thinks this is the answer to all of her problems but now she is in major finical situation.

I have told everyone I can at this point and detailed who this guy - I gave her the court documents of his protection order etc - this guy just spun it - everyone knows this guys past and anyone who has meet him says they don't like him that he is controlling her completely.

So now I am backing off - letting her ride out her storm - so its just them two and not me being needy - moving on cause I know this will crash hard and she will be devestated when she wakes up.

Again - she is 39 I am 39 and the guy is 49 - we have 2 boys 3 and 7 and she filled for a divorce to try and get me to start paying child care - this guy is coaching her with everything cause he has 2 prior divorces and knows the system and just filled for divorce 2 months ago as well.

O and I discovered this in April when I saw her cell phone bill and them texting and calling none stop and meeting at the gym.

Is your goal to save your marriage?

If so, there is a plan here. You asked for "major direction", and it's called Plan A.

Right now, you are doing what you think will work. That's called Plan C - Plan Confusion. I suggest you read the basic concepts and start over, if you want to avoid divorce here.

well legally I cant stop her from seeing her kids. What is your advise for that?