The story is long, like 8 pages typed, so i will try to condense. My wife (42) and I (40) have been together for 9 years and married the last 4. 2011 was a horrible year, i was let go from work thanksgiving 2010. I took a job in Jan. 2011 that i hated but paid the bills. since dec 2010 I had been working on a partnership with two old friends, we were ready just needed investor to back us. at the beginning of march, one of the "friends" found an investor, but he wanted in and me out. So after 20yrs of being my best friend the other one went along and stabbed me in the back. Year of death starts, great grandmother passed away, then my grandmother and then 8/12/2011 my other best friend (not one of the other 2) of 22yrs shot himself in the head. As alcohol has always been an ongoing issue, for most of 2011 i checked out leaving my wife to handle everything. After a year of living with a husband that seemed lost to her, my wife looked elsewhere for the attention she needed. Jan/Feb 2012 she found it in her boss, I started suspecting something in april, but just gut feeling type stuff. The feelings and little things started becoming more apparent over the next few months. May of this year the job i hated but still had, became a concern because the owner sold the company and new ownership brings change. Well It did, some of us were let go the 1st of july, which put me back at home. I just knew something was going on, i prayed a lot and one morning after the wife went to work i was going through the house to turn off the lights she usually leaves on and in the spare bedroom where she keeps her wardrobe the door was left cracked open. most days i would have just pulled it closed, but i went in and staring me in the face from across the room is a diagphram box. i have been castrated for a couple years, so i spend the rest of the day looking for more eveidence. I find that we are in 20k of unsecured credit card debt and her personal stuff off of her desk from work. That night 7/31/12 when she goes to sleep, i go through her purse, find the diagphram, spermicide and lingerie. then go through her phone and find enough other info. to point toward her boss but nothing solid. I go wake her up and tell her we need to talk, ask her to tell me the truth and of course she goes into angry yelling denial mode. I tell her to walk in the kitchen (where i had left everything laying out) and come back, her walk back was very quiet and so was the next 10mins or so. she told me a believable lie about who she was having an affair with. Which i knew wasnt the whole truth, but that was all she would admit to. She was extremely angry and was "scared i was going to call everyone and destroy their lives just because i was hurt." She went to work late the next morning and when she came home we didn't speak that nite, the next nite we had a long civil conversation about it. She swore to God on the lives of her family (she only has a niece, mother, and sister she cares about) she was not doing anything with anyone at her job. Being a christian God fearing woman i started to believe the first lie. Keep in mind, at this time i had no solid proof of who, just that she was and i didn't find this site for 2 more weeks. that weekend we spent most of Saturday crying and holding each other talking. I thought things would eventually be okay, but we both needed work. Monday rolls around and her attitude has completely changed from the weekend. That is when I decide it was time to put a tracker on her phone. over the next week I got several incriminating text from her to him, but no response from him, he would just text and say "call me" then she would. She is basicly a glorified secretary with a lot more responsibilty. he was very careful not to say anything through text. 8/10/12 she came home wanting to fight and it was an ugly weekend. the next week things got a little better, then the STD scare happened, which i thought was a blessing because it would stop them until she could be honest and come clean. there was a lot of pressure for her to be honest about everything from different sides. the results came back negative for both of us faster than what i thought. since i didn't want them together anymore i confronted her again, more denials and anger. then i start laying out the text, she stumbled, she was caught and didn't know what to do but shut up. since she refused to talk I called her boss to confront him, left a mesg. the next morning after a text to grow a sack and call me. he does. What i thought was going to be a nasty conversation was not, he didn't deny anything and asked what i wanted him to do. since her income is all we have right now, i wanted her to work from home with minimal contact with coworkers and zero from him until she finds another job. he agreed, he even came up with what to tell everyone why she was working from home. told me if i needed anything else to call him. okay??weird?? i go wake her up to tell her and she blows me off and goes back to sleep. when she wakes up, she is furious, i have never seen her like this, ever. i am in the garage when one of our neighbors come over, she goes in to talk to the wife and they go back to her house and spend the day together. I am thinking that is good, she is a christian lady like us so she will get through to her. Later that day I text her boss letting him know i had 1 more thing, he said he would call me in the morning. Im in the bed by the time she gets home that night (9pm or so), she has been sleeping downstairs for the last few days so i don't think anything about it until i get the text. she wants to talk first thing in the morning. I m like great, she wants to talk thats good. Something told me to log in and check her phone; well she has been texting 2 of her coworkers that do not know what is going on, they don't even know about the affair she said happened in Feb. she is telling them i am holding her hostage and she cant leave and all kinds of crazy stuff. I kind of loose it, i text the 2 she was talking to and told them they did not know the details and dont even know about the affair from feb. she has been lying to everyone all the way around. to butt out lilke their boss told them to. Well about 5 mins later, she is in my face wanting to know how i know this and that. i get her calmed down a little and she tells me that the affair in Feb. with this other person has actually been her boss all along which is what i thought, just took all this for the truth. So the next morning when her boss calls back, i tell him that he needs to keep his employee's out of our business. next he needs to send my wife an email (copy me in) telling her what he told me, he is not leaving his wife, there was nothing there and so forth. After that my wife takes some clothes and stuff to go stay with her mom. She comes back over Sat. has a 5 hour crying heart to heart talk, where she tells more than she has. even making sure i understand certain things, very patient and remorseful. we have another one of those talks sun. Monday we go to marriage counseling the first time, so here we are.
Sorry this is so long, Like i said this is cut down(1 1/2pages) from the whole version (8 pages).
I tried to cover most of the important stuff. I got more detailed about the last couple weeks to give a better understanding.
I am sure i am leaving out stuff, i will just answer questions as they come about it.

Thanks for starting your own thread.

Did you see Melodylane's question?

He did not threaten her job, but he is the owner and I assume as soon as his wife finds out she will demand he fire her.

Do you have all your evidence kept in a safe place?

Has her boss sent her the email yet?

What do you mean by but you were worried that you both had a STD?

Then the OM would be open to a lawsuit. The greater issue here is that his wife needs to be protected from your wife and her husband.

How long are you planning on waiting to expose the affair to her?

MrI, how about breaking that up into paragraphs so people can read that?

the evidence is safe and i have not recieved an email yet.

castrated is not the right word, its just more along the lines of how i feel about it.
I had a vasectomy 2 years ago, so there is no need for her to have pregnancy protection. We were still having sex almost everyday until 2 weeks ago. The std that wasn't was something odd i noticed, another loop on the roller coaster ride.
we went and got tested and everything came back negative. the Doctors (i went to 2) say it is most likely due to the stress from this mess.

I will, i should have done it in word and copied it over, the little box doesn't help when typing that much.

If the little box is not stretching out for you, click on the compatibility icon in the URL box and it will work for you. Here is how: http://www.west-wind.com/Weblog/ima...0fa2f0f9-9548-4516-b801-45bcc70aa8d9.png

Okay here it is, i even went back and fixed my grammer and spelling on most of it. Thank you for your patience! It has been a few years since i have been actively involved in any forums..

The story is long, like 8 pages typed, so I will try to condense. My wife (42) and I (40) have been together for 9 years and married the last 4. 2011 was a horrible year, i was let go from work thanksgiving 2010. I took a job in Jan. 2011 that I hated but paid the bills. Since Dec 2010 I had been working on a partnership with two old friends, we were ready just needed investor to back us. At the beginning of March, one of the "friends" found an investor, but he wanted in and me out. So after 20yrs of being my best friend the other one went along and stabbed me in the back. Year of death starts, great grandmother passed away, then my grandmother and then 8/12/2011 my other best friend (not one of the other 2) of 22yrs shot himself in the head. As alcohol has always been an ongoing issue, for most of 2011 i checked out leaving my wife to handle everything.

After a year of living with a husband that seemed lost to her, my wife looked elsewhere for the attention she needed. Jan/Feb 2012 she found it in her boss; I started suspecting something in April, but just gut feeling type stuff. The feelings and little things started becoming more apparent over the next few months. May of this year the job i hated but still had, become a concern because the owner sold the company and new ownership brings change. Well It did, some of us were let go the 1st of July, which put me back at home.

I just knew something was going on, I prayed a lot and one morning after the wife went to work I was going through the house to turn off the lights she usually leaves on and in the spare bedroom where she keeps her wardrobe the door was left cracked open. Most days I would have just pulled it closed, but I went in and staring me in the face from across the room is a diaphragm box. I have been castrated for a couple years, so I spend the rest of the day looking for more evidence. I find that we are in 20k of unsecured credit card debt and her personal stuff off of her desk from work.

That night 7/31/12 when she goes to sleep, I go through her purse, find the diaphragm, spermicide and lingerie. Then go through her phone and find enough other info. To point toward her boss but nothing solid. I go wake her up and tell her we need to talk, ask her to tell me the truth and of course she goes into angry yelling denial mode. I tell her to walk in the kitchen (where I had left everything laying out) and come back, her walk back was very quiet and so was the next 10mins or so. She told me a believable lie about who she was having an affair with. Which I knew wasn�t the whole truth, but that was all she would admit to. She was extremely angry and was "scared I was going to call everyone and destroy their lives just because I was hurt." She went to work late the next morning and when she came home we didn't speak that night.

The next night we had a long civil conversation about it. She swore to God on the lives of her family (she only has a niece, mother, and sister she cares about) she was not doing anything with anyone at her job. Being a Christian God fearing woman I started to believe the first lie. Keep in mind, at this time I had no solid proof of who, just that she was and I didn't find this site for 2 more weeks. That weekend we spent most of Saturday crying and holding each other talking. I thought things would eventually be okay, but we both needed work.

Monday rolls around and her attitude has completely changed from the weekend. That is when I decide it was time to put a tracker on her phone. Over the next week I got several incriminating text from her to him, but no response from him, he would just text and say "call me" then she would. She is basically his glorified secretary with a whole lot more responsibility. He was very careful not to say anything through text.

8/10/12 she came home wanting to fight and it was an ugly weekend. The next week things got a little better, then the STD scare happened, which I thought was a blessing because it would stop them until she could be honest and come clean. There was a lot of pressure for her to be honest about everything from different sides. The results came back negative for both of us faster than what I thought. Since I didn't want them together anymore I confronted her again, more denials and anger. Then I start laying out the text, she stumbled, she was caught and didn't know what to do but shut up. Since she refused to talk I called her boss to confront him, I left a mesg.

The next morning after a text to grow a sack and call me, he does. What I thought was going to be a nasty conversation was not, he didn't deny anything and asked what I wanted him to do. Since her income is all we have right now, I wanted her to work from home with minimal contact with coworkers and zero from him until she finds another job. He agreed, he even came up with what to tell everyone why she was working from home. He told me if I needed anything else to call him. Okay??Weird?? I go wake her up to tell her and she blows me off and goes back to sleep. When she wakes up, she is furious; I have never seen her like this, ever. I am in the garage when one of our neighbors come over, she goes in to talk to the wife and they go back to her house and spend the day together. I am thinking that is good, she is a Christian lady like us so she will get through to her.

Later that day I text her boss letting him know I had 1 more thing, he said he would call me in the morning. I�m in the bed by the time she gets home that night (9pm or so), she has been sleeping downstairs for the last few days so I don't think anything about it until I get the text. She wants to talk first thing in the morning. I�m like great, she wants to talk that�s good. Then something told me to log in and check her phone; well she has been texting 2 of her coworkers that do not know what is going on, they don't even know about the affair she said happened in Feb. she is telling them I am holding her hostage and she can�t leave and all kinds of crazy stuff. I kind of loose it, I text the 2 she was talking to and told them they did not know the details and don�t even know about the affair from Feb. she has been lying to everyone all the way around. To butt out like their boss told them to.

Well about 5 mins later, she is in my face wanting to know how I know this and that. I get her calmed down a little and she tells me that the affair in Feb. with this other person has actually been her boss all along which is what I thought, just took all this for the truth. So the next morning when her boss calls back, I tell him that he needs to keep his employee's out of our business. Next he needs to send my wife an email (copy me in) telling her what he told me, he is not leaving his wife, there was nothing there and so forth. After that my wife takes some clothes and stuff to go stay with her mom. She comes back over Sat. has a 5 hour crying heart to heart talk, where she tells more than she has. Even making sure I understand certain things, very patient and remorseful. We have another one of those talks sun. Monday we went to marriage counseling the first time, so here we are.

Sorry this is so long, Like I said this is cut down (1 1/2pages) from the whole version (8 pages).

I tried to cover most of the important stuff. I got more detailed about the last couple weeks to give a better understanding.

Have you read this?
Exposure 101

I have read it. i think I have left some stuff not mentioned.

1. Georgia is a right to work state, meaning you can be fired for having the wrong color shirt on. Any reason.

So that would stop all income we have, making a bad financial situation worse.

Do i like it? Hell no. I would rather send out the info packet i put together to everyone and let the chips fall where they may. the nuclear option.

2. there is the lively hood of 50 other emplolyee's and there families to consider. The company's main customer, around 80% of all revenue, could very possibly stop all business relations with them (they just recently had national attention about marriage). I know some of these people, i would hate for them to be laid off for something there stupid boss and his secretary have been up to.

yes my main concern is my marriage, but i am unemployed so i do think about that, the economy in GA is very bad.

3. what happened between them, was during the day at work, my wife was always home by 7pm and they didn't have any communication after work or on weekends. he went home to his wife and children. also we live an hour away from the office and he lives in a different town an hour away from us.

is the affair stopped? for now and when my wife gets another job, i will tell his wife so she can decide what to do with her marriage.


So with those circumstances should i go ahead and expose to everyone now before we have other income?
This is why Im here, I have been going back and forth with this for 3 days.

So is she actively looking for a job now?

MrI, I would be working overtime to get jobs and give it a week or two and then expose to the wife. I am not sure what you mean by losing their customer? HOW would the client company find out?

Even so, if the client company takes their business elsewhere, that would be because the owner is an adulterer. That is their right to pick and choose their vendors. Those employees do not have a special entitlement that supersedes the client company's freedom of choice. There are no entitlements in the free market.

yes, she is looking for a job, I am even sending out resumes for her as well as mine.

At this point he set up a point of contact for her to go through for anything dealing with him. whatever he told the other employee's, seems to have worked. her job requires her to communicate with the entire sales staff, they now respond with one word or one sentence answers.
I know this isn't Ideal, what are the options yall see?

I had a couple job oppurtunities this month, could have already been working, but its traveling. so being gone leaves her free to do what she wants.
although she says it was all to wake me up and get me to want her again. I don't trust her, anything she says, or anything she does. how could I right now? maybe later after she works somewhere else and our relationship gets better. right now we are just learning to communicate without raising our voices and that is difficult... Hey, atleast we enthusiasticly agree about that part!!

I agree a traveling job would be a disaster.

THIS RESPONSE IS FOR INFORMATION PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED AS LEGAL ADVICE. LEGAL ADVICE SHOULD BE SOUGHT FROM AN ATTORNEY LICENSED TO PRACTICE IN YOUR STATE.

Okay, now that the disclaimer is out of the way, as a labor & employment attorney, I assure you that even in right to work states, you cannot be fired for illegal reasons, including discrimination of any type, including sex discrimination/sexual harassment and retaliation. All the right to work doctrine does is prevent "closed shops" (meaning you can only work there if you are a member of the union or join the union) and give employees the right not to be forced to join a union.

There ya go, MrI! I would expose this affair pronto to the OM's wife. I seriously doubt he would even try to fire her because doing so would bring the affair to light when you contacted the local labor board.

Is this a corporation or is it individually owned? If it is the former, I would expose the affair to the other owners.

Mr_Infinity,

Under no circumstances should your WW sign any legal document at the company!

They may try to get her to sign a paper saying the affair was mutually consensual, but do not allow the company lawyers to diminish your leverage.

God Bless
Gamma

I used to work for a place where this happened and the owner ended up having to pay off the sec. at the same time she had to sign some paper in his lawyer's office...end result was, she left his employee immediately after his wife found out. There was no dillydallying around after, she was gone. Sounds like same situation.