Sugar, she wants him to do something that is not on his nature. In her first post she expects him to be angry and go tell the guy off. Essentially this is an aggressive verbal confrontation. She said her husband has a passive nature. So he's not the type that is comfortable telling someone off.

She stated that he said he'd pay the guy and say something to him about the incident. So her husband has agreed to bring it up. This is not enough for her. This strikes me as something I'd see at the high school I work at.

If it were me, I'd pay the guy, tell him calmly what an ahole he is, and that I wouldn't treat the situation so calmly if he spoke to my wife ever again. And if the guy has a boss, I'd let him know what kind of employee he has. But I most certainly wouldn't rush down there and start aggressively confronting the guy and causing a scene.

Exactly. I want to know that my H cares enough about me to stand up for me when some loser comes onto me. Sure, I can handle myself [does anyone doubt this?? ] but I want to know that my H has a protective feeling for me. That shows me that he cares.

I called my DH and asked him what he would do if this happened to us. My mild mannered, non violent husband immediately said "I WOULD PUNCH HIS LIGHTS OUT." I liked hearing that.

I do understand how HINC feels.

I suspect this is what my husband would really do too and I think that would be the perfect response.

I asked myself what Clint Eastwood would do. He'd say "go ahead, punk. Make my day." in a calm manner of course

Here is what I think every man should do !!

kt, neither of the underlined is true.

If they are, please show me where she said them.

Sugar, go read her first post. The words expected him to be angry and tell the guy off are in there. I'd have to dig for the other part

kt, I read her first post and that is why I made my first post on this thread. I quoted her words in order to counter other people's allegations against her.

If you are going to counter MY post and say she DID demand a fight, I think it's only right that you should quote Hopeful's words to do this.

She never said the things she is being accused of having said. She never said them and now she is being criticised for them.

She said nothing about "aggressively" confronting the guy and "causing a scene" in that post. She suggested different from what you yourself then went on to say YOU'D do.

Sorry, I underlined the wrong thing in your post. It is the "anger" and "aggressive" words that I should have underlined.

That is what you are saying you'd do, so I don't understand your argument with her - or me.
Also, her H never said that he would speak to the guy about it. If you can find where he said that I'd be grateful.

After reading the beginning of this thread last night, NG and I were walking
and a man gave NG a second look...and the first one was a little too long.
Optie, dearie, I thought we were going to keep our relationship secret!

Sugar, you are sounding an awful lot like you support not saying anything to someone who hit on your spouse unless they agreed to it. It sounds like you are supporting your spouse being hit on with no interference from you.

Just FYI, no accusation here.

I totally agree with this, perhaps because my nature is also to avoid confrontation. But if it were me in that situation, I would have calmly told the guy what a jerk he was, that we are done with him, and like stated above, perhaps told his boss. I doubt I would have started yelling or threatening or doing whatever else HopefulNC thought "men are supposed to do". If I did, I would have come across exactly as someone stated, Woody Allen trying to be Arnold.

I still didn't see where HopefulNC defined what she meant by "taking care of it".

AGG

Sugar, I think you misunderstand me. I never said she demanded a fight. My implication was she wanted something more than her husband was comfortable in doing. When I was typing about causing a scene, I was saying how I would and would not handle the situation. I know she was looking for responses from the guys on how they'd handle it.

Sugar, reread her first post. She expects her husband to go tell the guy off. Like I said in how I'd respond, if be calm but firm and let him know I wouldn't be so calm if he spoke to my wife ever again.

There's no argument against you. I apologize for not being able to quote well. I'm using my phone right now as my laptop is in the shop.

[quote=NeverGuessedAfter reading the beginning of this thread last night, NG and I were walking
and a man gave NG a second look...and the first one was a little too long.
Optie, dearie, I thought we were going to keep our relationship secret! [/quote]
LOL, NG#2!
Good thing we're not over on SAA, posts like that could crash the site.

opt

I heard a 2010 (October?) MB radio about this the other day, only it was rude in-laws, not someone hitting on the wife. The wife wanted the husband to tell the in-laws off. Dr. Harley said they needed to negotiate: they should not have any contact with the offending party at all as long as she is not enthusiastic, but he did not have to go tell them off if he was not enthusiastic about it.

I would say we're dealing with an emotional need here: she feels frustrated at not having this, which is part of Dr. H's definition. And most women on this thread have commented they would similarly feel frustrated!

But like any emotional need, there are going to be a variety of ways to meet it. If he is not enthusiastic about her initial suggestion, they should negotiate an alternative he is enthusiastic about. Keep the problem on the table, keep discussing each other's point of view respectfully, keep brainstorming alternatives. And (importantly) keep the rest of life on the table, too, including the most important emotional needs. Don't let it all stop for this one issue.

Prisca commented to me last night she didn't feel that she would need me in such a situation to go tell the guy off. But in the case of her in-laws (my parents, who were complete jerks to her (and me) for years), it sure appeared to me two years ago that she needed more! And she did begin to feel better when I told them off (it took awhile for me to become enthusiastic, but we kept the problem on the table). But she has told me in retrospect that if I had made clear to her that I was dead set committed to never seeing them again, ever so long as she was not enthusiastic, that probably would've solved the problem for her. So I mention this to show that there are alternatives that may not have been thought of, that can be uncovered during brainstorming.

Oh, as far as it not being in his nature: lots of men tell their wives that affection is not in their nature. "I'm just not that kind of a guy, Sweetheart. You knew that when you married me, and I'm not about to start now."

This is an act of Affection that she wants. It may not be in his nature, but there's a huge LB$ opportunity here that he should not overlook. There may be ways for him to make the deposit that don't involve doing something that he's not enthusiastic about.

Was it this clip markos?
Radio clip on in-laws